MorningWood Sanitarium

Every client here at MorningWood is given equal medical treatment in relation to their condition and/or need of assistance. Only a small number of our large client population require round-the-clock supervision and medical aid. Due to "client confidentiality," we are not able to release information regarding the specific treatments of any of the people here at MorningWood. Our policies are simple yet fairly detailed, but hardly anyone seems to make any actions against them. Below are some fairly detailed lists of every one of our hospital's policies.

Patient Acceptance Requirements

• Person must be over 20 years of age--unless deemed an "exceptional" case by the board of trustees
  
• Reasons for admission of the person must be clear and justifiable
  
• All special care information must be given the day of admission
  
• Any additional furnishings or objects in the client's room must be supplied by family
  
• If all requirements are understood and met above, admission is accepted
  

All Clients Must:

• Be in their rooms by 8:00 pm
  
• Wear standard issue hospital clothing
  
• Receive medication without resistance
  
• Report to the dining area punctually
  
• Treat other clients with an unspoken respect
  

MorningWood Sanitarium is renowned for its groundbreaking medical and psychiatric techniques. Many of the different prototypical neurological treatments were conceived by administrator Robert Lamar himself. Below, our complete medical program is detailed.

Types of Medication Administered

Anti-depressants

• Prozac
  
• Aspirin
  
• Lithium
  
• Zoloft
  
• Valium
  
• Elavil
  

Anti-psychotics

• Clozapine
  
• Olanzapine
  
• Thorazine
  
• Sertindole
  
• Haloperidol
  
• Haldol
  
• Prolixin
  
• Stelazine
  

Medication (Daily Administering Times)

• Severely Mentally Deficient Clients (8:00 am, 12:00 pm, 4:00 pm, and 8:00 pm)
  
• Moderately Bothered Clients (8:00 am, 2:00 pm, and 8:00 pm)
  
• Mildly Bothered Clients (8:00 am & 8:00 pm)
  
• *~note~* These are flexible to suit the need of the person
  

Types of Neurological Treatment

• Intense Electro-shock Therapy
  
• Simulated Frontal Lobotomy
  
• Hydro-soak Treatment
  
• Altitude Anxiety Therapy
  
• Multiple Pill Ingestion Testing
  

Many would call these barbaric, abusive even. Those people obviously haven't seen our success stories. More than 75% of our clients who undergo any of these treatments are nearly cured of their malady. We here at MorningWood see to it that each client is treated with the respect they naturally deserve.

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After a hard night of sleeping or even following an eventful game of table tennis, one is prone be esurient. Yes, even the clients get hungry occasionally. Here at MorningWood, we try to offer our clients the best food a medium sized hospital's budget can buy. This spans from premium Grade C eggs in the morning to "Hell's Kitchen" assorted soups and stews in the evening. Snack time is even a special treat here. We have recently worked out a deal with the neighboring Donut Shop to give us their week-old products. MMM MMM. Here is a list of the recognized "Scheduled Mealtimes." Some clients have been known to sneak in unauthorized nourishment, but nobody's perfect.

Scheduled Mealtimes

• Breakfast (8:00 am - 9:30 am)-Extra 30 min. span due to some sluggish clients
• Lunch (12:00 pm - 1:00 pm)
• Dinner (5:00 pm - 5:30 pm)-Only punctual clients will be served
  

Recreation is second only to healthcare in importance. Every client(mostly the mobile ones) can bask in the glory of these deluxe recreation items.

Recreation Activities

• Television (10:00 am - 12:00 pm & 6:00 pm - 8:00pm)
  
• Radio (All day)
• Table Tennis
  
• Full-contact Badminton
  
• Mini-pool
  
• Darts (Sign-up list for competition team in main lobby)
• Nerf Archery
  
• Paintball
  
• Puzzles(with rubber pieces and rounded edges)
• Rugby
  
• Gardening and Facility Maintenance(required)
  
• Music Time (Competition Choir)