Feeling Imperfect
We are all created perfect in the image of God, even in our imperfections. This is an extremely difficult perception in itself, but if you are born with a disability, it is almost impossible to understand this idea. Imagine if you couldn’t do anything with your body that your mind told it to do - you couldn’t speak, control your actions, direct your attention, or have people around you that wanted to have you around them. It is almost too much for our minds to comprehend. And yet many of our brothers and sisters are in this situation and don’t feel worthy of God’s love, because they feel so inadequate and ugly.
How could someone love them unconditionally when even their own families don’t tolerate them? They are forgotten and hidden away within a system that treats them as though they are not much more than alive, a system that doesn’t consider them as anything more than helpless animals that need to be kept warm and fed. This validates their feelings of being so imperfect that they are not even lovable. Because this system cannot expose its clients to an opportunity to practice any sort of religious or spiritual belief, it is a rare person indeed that is able to discover that there is an omnipotent Creator that loves all It’s creations, including them . The idea that they cannot achieve anything more than going to a place that makes them feel like cattle herded into a pen during the day, and live in an institution-like house where the staff only tends to their physical needs and ignores their very essence, continually programs negative feelings into their hearts. They are constantly reinforced to believe that they can’t do anything of any worth because they are not the same as average people. Their ideas and abilities are not encouraged for the individuals that they are, but are instead treated all the same, no matter what their disability.
The programs that are written are general and applied to everyone, no matter if its an inability to walk or an inability to sit down that is the barrier between their world and ours. Nothing that is presented to them speaks to them with love. It’s all coldly written programs of a generic nature, and nothing is given to them to help them on an individual basis. How else could they feel? Especially if their parents placed them in such a setting in the first place? If their mom and dad couldn’t love them enough to keep them in their care, they must be unlovable. The strangers in their lives certainly don’t love them. And so, their feelings of inadequacy is perpetuated by the very system that is supposed to serve them. This system only serves itself, earning money and cutting corners every time there is an opportunity at the expense of the individual they are supposed to be serving.
Here is the dilemma that is facing all of those who can’t feel acceptable because of being rejected by family and friends, and never once having the support of anyone who truly took an interest in them without being paid to do so. That is a devastating thought - to know that the only people who were around you were people who were paid to be there. No one ever visits you because they want to, or takes you anyplace special. No, when everyone is paid to be with a person, it does great harm to any feeling of being perfect in the eyes of God. Even the most religious people in the community, those seemingly closest to God, don’t visit or take an interest in someone with disabilities. And so here is more validation in their eyes that they are not worthy of being looked upon with love. They feel they are no more than less than human, taking up space on this earth and creating a problem for others. They don’t know what it feels like to be loved without feeling like they don’t deserve to be loved. When someone gives them a sincere compliment they think that person is lying to them - they know they are not lovable, so how could they be adequate at anything? It’s a horrible thought but one that runs rampant among those less fortunate than the average person who is able to read this article. And when these beautiful creations of God can’t even feel His love because of what we, whose care they are entrusted to, have made them feel, then we are the ones who are truly unworthy of His love, not them. He has asked us to never harm a hair on His children’s heads, or we will feel His wrath. I believe most of us should prepare for the wrath of God.
Independence Denied
Have you ever considered what life would be like if tomorrow you were in an accident that left you disabled and dependent on others for your care? Hopefully you would be cared for by loving family members and money wouldn’t be a problem, but this is not the case for most disabled people. Because of the high cost of medical expenses, money runs out and a person is then left to the care of an institution, where families are not allowed to be a part of the life of their disabled member.
So you need to realize what is in store for anyone finding themselves in this situation because you are only a heartbeat away from it yourself. And if you understand all the ramifications of it you will try to change the system as it exists today in hopes that it would be better for your loved ones. It’s a matter of raising your awareness to a level of understanding how horrible it is to be at the mercy of people who don’t care about your personal needs or desires but who only care about fulfilling the letter of the laws governing your care. You will receive three balanced meals a day, but there will be no consideration of what your likes and dislikes are. Everyone is fed the same food, cooked the same way. Forget about having anything not fried if fried fish is on the menu for Friday night. Forget about your meat being lightly cooked instead of dried out and overcooked - can’t take a chance on rare meat so it’s all cooked the same. Did you used to like to take a shower in the morning to wake yourself up? Forget it. Baths, not showers, are given at night. How about that first cup of coffee as you greet the day, relaxing before you eat breakfast - oh well, those days are over. Everyone is up at the same time with a schedule that does not include individuality. Whatever you cherished as your own is now at the mercy of others if they allow you to keep it or not. And what good is a radio if you can no longer turn its dials? No one takes the time to know what you want or even if they do know, they don’t have the time to give you what you want. Remember those CD’s you bought and played and enjoyed? They can’t get played anymore - you share your life with others that don’t like your choice of music and so you can’t ever listen to it. Too upsetting. And what about your favorite television programs. No one watches TV because it creates too many arguments over what channel to tune into, so no television at all. All of a sudden you are cut off from the world, from everything you loved. People you live with aren’t your friends, and some of them are downright mean to you. Your possessions are always available to someone to take and use and abuse and you can’t stop them. Many little things that you take for granted now are stripped from you, leaving you totally at the mercy of someone you’ve never known before. And sometimes your caregivers are having a bad day and don’t want to take the time to help you go to the bathroom and you are left to soil your clothing because they are too wrapped up in their own business. You are completely at the mercy of others who treat you like a job, and you can only hope that they like their job. Sometimes they don’t. Your family visits you, but not very much. You are alone with your own thoughts 95% of the time, and your own dreams that no one cares about, and your own pain that no one feels but you. You can’t call on the telephone to reach out and touch someone because your ability to speak has been taken away from you. You can’t go shopping or to church or see your friends or do anything without the help of staff, and there is never enough staff to help you do the things you want to do. Every time you are allowed out of the house it’s with all the other residents of the house, and nothing is ever done that you love to do - just like the TV programs or the CD’s or the radio - no one is just the same as you are and no one wants to participate in the things you want to. You are literally stripped of your individuality in every corner of your life, from the food you eat to the time you go to bed or arise, from the clothes you wear (did I mention that what style you wear depends on who did the shopping for you the last time) to the decorations in your room. Want to put up a couple of posters? Maybe you can, if you don’t make holes in the wall and the tape doesn’t ruin the paint job. Want your own furniture? Not allowed because it would cause a jealousy problem with the others in the home. Even when you get visitors, your time with them is never alone - everyone there is hungry for people from the outside world, and they latch on to those you want to be alone with. And if you have not speech, you can’t express your desire to just be alone. If your family moves away, you will probably be left behind. Your siblings will create their own lives, and they won’t include visits to you. Your spouse and children will have lives of their own, and you aren’t included in them. The time you spend with them is never enough, and you can hardly stand being left out of their lives. You just want the security of being in the care of people that love you and want nothing but your highest good. To be nurtured and cared for by people who want you in their lives. But this would be asking too much of anyone, especially people you love with all your heart and soul, so you stay where you are and die a little every day.
Being Understood
Because we have the ability to speak, we will always be able to express ourselves and get our point across. We will be understood, to a degree, by our words. Even if others disagree with us, they will still know what makes us say what we do, because we are able to tell them. And it is always taken for granted - a gift of speech eliminates having to feel abused and hurt because we can always plead our case. But just imagine for a minute what it must be like to not have your voice heard. It must be ten times worse than someone whose voice is heard but unheeded. At least that person has the ability to plead their case over and over again until it is heard. But if there is no speech, does that mean there is no thought? Just the opposite - there is so much time to think because it’s not filled with mindless chatter and social fluff. It’s a prison of silence where no one know who you are or what your dreams are or who you want to become. No one understands the nonverbal person unless they make an extreme effort to find out. And this can only be initiated by a caring verbal person - how is a non-speaking person able to even draw attention to themselves to get people interested in listening to their heart? One person I know is not able to speak, and whether it’s through a birth defect, stroke, or accident, it all must feel about the same as it does to my friend. She has the ability to only type with some assistance, and unless there is someone interested enough to help her type (a slow and arduous process) her feelings can’t be heard. She would love for someone to ask her how her day was, or what she wants for dinner. Simple things that show you care by being interested in her. If these simple things are not filled by the people around her, how can she ever express her hopes and dreams for her future? Once a year her caregivers ask her what she wants for herself in the next year, and she types out her dreams - dreams that no one ever looks into or mentions again to her. Dreams that no one ever helps her plan or find a way to accomplish them. She is so isolated that even when she’s in a home with many people, her life is all within her own head. No one cares enough to find out who she is. This is not through planned neglect, but it is neglect all the same. I’m sure everyone cares about her well being, and wants her to be happy. But it is time consuming to wait for her to express herself and not what people are used to or comfortable with. Their time seems to be more precious than her feelings, and so my friend goes on never being really understood for who she is and isn’t. Unfortunately, many assumptions are made about people who cannot speak. They are thought to be stupid or retarded because they have no voice. They are not looked upon as having the same needs as the rest of us. They are not considered to be whole or complete or acceptable, and therefore don’t need the time or attention that verbal people need. They can’t have goals like verbal people because they can’t express those goals. This won’t help the future of ths world if we continue to ignore or disregard those among us who need our understanding and help to make their dreams come true. I am calling on all of you to look differently at those who cannot speak, and hopefully find it in your heart to spend some time trying to understand exactly what is being spoken silently. Isn’t that what we’re on this earth walk to do - to listen and learn and understand the God that lives within all of us? Look for God in the eyes of those who can’t talk - they need you to see the God in them and connect that God with yours.