1983 Buick LaSabre

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This is nick. He lives in Buffalo. He gave us the car. We are grateful for his contribution. Buffalo is cool.

Friday the 13th, August 1999
The Sword's metamorphosis from shitty winter sedan to mean ass freaky lookin' thing was anything but natural. To say that it was natural implies a sense of ease, or acceptance of its fate. It is natural when a car dies as a result of a longterm illness, such as leaky valves that eventually wash the exhaust ports with oil and the thing suffocates. It is also natural when a car is taken from us suddenly, in an accident, in an instant. Loosing anything suddenly can feel unnatural, but untimely passings are part of life; life would cease to be what it is, ontologies would crumble, without the understanding that sudden death is natural. So when a car reaches its final stretch of life and instead of be allowed a natural death is beaten into submission in preparation for a painful passing it does not rest easy. It gives unnatural responses to an unnatural situation. The Sword resisted every attempt to prepare it for demolition in every possible way it could (partially of course because every fucking bolt was rusted to nothing, indeed it demanded the ripping it received), but the more it continues to resist as the time draws near the more glorious will be the wreckage come derby day.

One week left.

Among the tortures were:

• Stipping the interior. Moldy carpet yanked. Panels removed. Windows removed. Seats crowbared off the rusty non-floor. Dash removed.
• Remove almost entire electrical system. Tons of wires. Remount ignitioin computer.
• Kicking out windshield and rear window. Much broken glass still around.
• Yanking the a/c, and some extra motors around.
• Rerouting transmission cooling lines. Tho I did flush and clean the radiator.
• Trimming fan shroud.
• Kicking off rear bumpber and remounting larger New Yorker one.
• Cutting holes all over the place. Around gas tank. Huge ones in hood. doors, etc.
• Slicing though driveshaft cover. Had to mount supports for new driver's seat we found in a van at the junkyard. Looks super cool, will work great, more comfortable than the last.
• Welding all over the place, doors shut, seats, box tube support, etc.
• Tear out the exhaust and reroute new one. Plug exhaust blower to increase airflow power to carb.
• Spike the rims.
• Destroy the rat's nest in the wheel well.

Just to be a good sport to the tortured beast, I gave it a tune up, and next week I'm doing its head gaskets. Sort of like a big meal or a cigarette before meeting the firing squad.

So it's been a nasty battle for the both of us, but the car's days are numbered. Thanks for visiting The Sword here and with any luck we'll see it in hell.