I Don't Care What you
Say—
These People are PRICKS!
There are some pricks
on the roads who seem to take all the pleasure out of driving. You've been
praying for world peace, you say? Ha! Let's first have everybody learn not to
be so self-centered when it comes to driving!
Some examples
of pricks behind the wheel include:
Pricks who use Halloween as a built-in excuse to ruin peoples'
lawns by leaving their tire tracks on them. Maybe it's a way for these
dickwipes to justify buying a 4x4, because they'd never go
"off-roading" otherwise.
Pricks who squeeze in and pass on the right at about 30 km/h (20
miles per hour) over the speed limit without giving the person ahead of them
(who is already passing somebody else) enough time and space to get back into
the slow lane again without cutting back in too close to the people in the slow
lane. Bonus points for not using turn signals.
Pricks who drive recklessly, just to show off to other drivers—or
their girlfriends in the passenger seat. Driving shouldn't be an aphrodisiac!
Pricks who drive around in cars with a sound system that belongs
in a night club. It's extra annoying when you're trying to fall asleep late at
night and one of these guys drive by your house and it feels as though you're
going to be vibrated out of bed.
Pricks who park directly in front of a store entrance (e.g.
Safeway) and leave their car, when there are signs and yellow lines that
clearly say "No Parking". What makes these people so special that
rules don't apply to them?
Honda/Acura fanatics who hear that their cars have "racing in
their blood", so they believe that their street cars are race cars as
well. Real-life results: A Civic spinning out of control on a wet street and
slamming into the side of a stadium building. Or hitting a tree with your
Integra, shearing off the front five feet of the car—leaving the engine bay
intact—while the rest of the car and its driver are completely mangled.
I've seen the aftermath of both. Here's another example of what
I'm talking about.
Pricks who weave through lanes of heavy
traffic, in order to jockey for position.
Pricks who pass in the slow lane between
freeway off and on ramps, since there is little traffic there because of all
the people who leave the freeway. The problem comes when the approaching hidden
on-ramp is busy. One time I saw a person who must have floored the accelerator
of his Explorer when he did this self-centered act. And oh yeah, I almost
forgot: he was yakking on his cell phone! "Sorry officer, I was too busy
talking to a client on my cell phone for my brain to realize that there could
be cars getting back onto the freeway. I'm sure the victim's next of kin will
understand."
Pricks who ignore multiple lane closure signs
until the last second, and expect other drivers who are waiting in line to let
them into their lane. Yeah, bite me.
Pricks who drive on the shoulder when traffic
is backed up.
Pricks who use semi-trailer weigh stations to
get past backed-up traffic.
When stopping at a red light on a major city
road with three lanes on each side (two for regular traffic, and the one on the
right generally reserved for either parked cars, buses, and people turning
right at red lights), there are the pricks who whip into the right lane, sneak
by other traffic waiting at the red, and speed off in front of other traffic
when the light turns green. These same pricks fail to realize that there are
other people behind them who would like to turn right at the red light (in
jurisdictions where it's legal) they're oh-so selfishly blocking. Let's see: to
save 5 seconds of one person's time, he/she is willing to waste 30 seconds of
somebody else's time. "Oh, who cares, because other people aren't
important as me!"
Similarly, pricks who want to make a right
turn at red light, but instead of waiting for the green and waiting for traffic
to clear, they just cut through the gas station or parking lot at the corner of
the intersection. These people are just so important!
As you are switching to the right lane to let
a tailgating prick pass, the tailgater gasses it and begins to pass you before
you get a chance to get halfway into the right lane.
Oncoming pricks who accelerate when you make
a left-hand turn in front of and across their lane of traffic just to
"scare you", even though there is lots of room between you and them
in the first place. The ironic part is that these same people would make the
same turn under even more dangerous conditions.
Pricks who drive in the left lane on the
freeway and purposely wait until the last second to veer hard to the
right to take a freeway off-ramp—cutting off another car in the process. For
these pricks, it seems that pulling in behind the car in the right hand lane
and spending an extra two seconds on the freeway isn't acceptable.
Pricks who park using two or more parking stalls in an already
congested parking lot.
Pricks who park directly in front of a large store (such as a supermarket),
block a lane of traffic, and leave their vehicle—when there is still tons of
parking in the parking lot.
Pricks who run from the law, resulting in
high speed car chases by the police.
Pricks who blame the police for crashes that
occur during high speed car chases, resulting in personal injury. Their logic:
"Who can I sue for my injury? A convicted felon that's flat broke? Or a
huge, faceless government agency with tons of tax money? Ding! Ding! Ding! Government! ...because the
government is so evil!" Well, ummm... REALITY CHECK! Who was
the one who broke the law in the first place and decided to drive fast to evade
the police, and should therefore be blamed for the car crash? Ding! Ding! Ding! If you have a brain, you
should know the answer. Oh, what a utopian society we would have if the police
couldn't chase people! Not! Felons would find how easily they can get away with
anything simply by stomping the gas and speeding away while the police is
allowed to drive at only the speed limit.
Pricks who blame auto manufacturers for freak
accidents. Real life example: suing GM for nearly five billion
dollars (not a typo— that's five thousand millions) when a drunk going
110 km/h (70 mph) rear-ended a 1970s Malibu leading to severe fire burns to the
Malibu driver. Most people would say the drunk would be at fault—but nooooooo,
some lawyers decided it was caused by the gas tank being placed behind the rear
axle in order to maximize GM's profits?!? Uhhh, isn't that where the gas tank
is located on most old cars? Oh wait... Aw gee, what am I thinking? I'm
wrong! Of course it's GM's fault, because they have all the money; the
person who caused the rear ender isn't responsible because he doesn't have 5
billion dollars lying around! (Damn lawyers!)
...And all other pricks who don't give a damn
about other drivers or whether they cause human suffering to others.
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