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A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The
surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob
is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her
skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman
wanted "The Knob."Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the
knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and
vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had
to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've
developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my
eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely
and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I
guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning in a few moments with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird. The cat then sat back, shook it's head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!" she cried. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS just to tell me my bird is dead?!" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but... what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..... it's $150.00!!!"  |