LOVE version 4.0 LOVE version 4.0
CS REP: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems Software Company help desk. How may I help you?
CUSTOMER I just received your latest program, LOVEv4.0..you know....the freeware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to install it?
CS REP: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you?
CUSTOMER Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?
CS REP: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating system and
runs silently in the background, you will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its affect on every application you may have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones.
CUSTOMER Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run smoother?
CS REP: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also,
FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external violation,
including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all those aggravating
errors that say "unable to connect" will be avoided. LOVE allows for a
smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is
manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model.
CUSTOMER That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for
too long. But what about the bad programs?
CS REP: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like
HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs can't
be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own
instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to
write with the fonts "BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10".
CUSTOMER That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free
too?
CS REP: They sure are ma'am.
CUSTOMER How do I get the upgrades?
CS REP: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Harddrive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with.
CUSTOMER I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready
to install now. What do I do first?
CS REP: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your
HEART ma'am?
CUSTOMER Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.
Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS REP: What programs are running ma'am?
CUSTOMER Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS REP: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However,
you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those
programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those
off ma'am?
CUSTOMER I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS REP: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.
Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased.
CUSTOMER Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?
CS REP: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
CUSTOMER Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS REP: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need
to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
CUSTOMER Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS REP: What does the message say?
CUSTOMER It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS".
CS REP: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run
on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but In
non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it
can "LOVE" others.
CUSTOMER So what should I do?
CS REP: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
CUSTOMER Yes, I have it.
CS REP: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
CUSTOMER Thank you.
CS REP: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them
to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT,
REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any
conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you
need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your
recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes
back.
CUSTOMER Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM,
PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!
CS REP: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...
CUSTOMER Yes?
CS REP: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules
to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people
and they will return some really neat modules back to you.
CUSTOMER I will. Thank you for your help.
In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and
return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every
module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive the
upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with
other computers while it is running.
What does that mean?
LOVE v4.0 has been shared with Operating Systems.
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