(brought to you by "I-can't-believe-it-isn't-microsoft™")! |
Special! Brand new! For a limited time only! |
s p a c e |
Fun for all ages! Revolutionary! |
To join our club all you have to do is!:
the 1. Agree to follow a few simple rules to ensure a fun, safe, educational, enjoyable, entertaining, non-threatening,
the 1. user-friendly, politically correct (pc™), space-age internet community™!
To begin your service all you have to do is!:
the 1) Call our offices to start your account, over the phone! ($5.99 per 1/2 minute! your week begins then! billing begins over the phone!)
the 2) Mail your donation and a pre-paid postage, self-addressed stamped envelope (both are necessary to ensure security)! and
the 2) once we receive your donation(!), we will...
the 3) Do our part which is!:
the 3) 3b) attempt to try to send you your free address and free password (not responsible for any free addresses and/or free passwords lost
the 3) 3b) in the mail)!
IMPORTANT! |
Plus! |
To begin this service all you have to do is!:
the 1. Follow the same instructions as above (see above!) except request your limited edition extra-special Geoh!cities
the 1. cybergolden club membership! (plus: 1a) we guarantee that your membership will be considered within 7 business days!)
Donate now and claim your free plot now! Do not miss out on all of the free action now!
Terms of agreement!: |
1. You must commit suicide once your site is up and running!
1. (this will more likely than not take quite a while, so fret not;)!
2. You must leave a suicide note which drops the name "Geoh!cities" at least 3 times!
3. You cannot use any word that has negative connotations or that is marked by features of hostility, withdrawal, or
3. pessimism on your site or in your suicide note!
3. (for example, here you would replace "negative" with "without positive quality")!
4. You must have a private meeting with we on our private chat line where we will talk about how much you want the
4. site, privately! (meaning: you must have virtual sex with us)!
5. Your computer must not exceed 64k memory! Oh, and we will not support anything more advanced than a CGA
5. monitor!
(note: if you fail to agree to at least all of these terms (especially term number 2), once you have committed suicide, your site will be removed, your family will be billed for the remainder of your service, and you will not be allowed to renew your membership!)
Bonus free access to these sites!: |
sara tonens dead zone! sponsored in part by the dead zone!
the generic home page! - Winner of the "The Only Site of this Kind" Award!
the go home page!
the crash your computer home page!
the sponsor a starving online child home page! (payments can be sent by credit card to their personally designed home pages, and if you act now, you will
the receive a personalized email)!
the mail order children (not to be confused with adoption) home page! (the garbage disposal company working in assoc. with the official
the pedophilia home page)!
the official pedophilia home page!
the mail order bride home page!
the male order bride home page!
satans official home page! sponsored in part by the dead zone!
the naughty monsignor in the all-girl catholic school home page!
the extra friendly boy scout leader who invites just you (he says because youre special) over each weekend to play
the hide-and-seek and take naps together home page!
the hicks home page! - Voted #1 site by Yokels Shootin' Stuff Magazine!
the (feat. virtual cow tipping, virtual bass fishing, virtual innocent helpless creature massacre (and its less popular
the sequels, virtual hide your illegal poachings from that damned tree-hugging government and virtual hunt dem goddam
the deers whiles they be blind in your headlights), virtual harass dem local freaks, virtual beat your wife, virtual prejudice
the and discrimination is words too big for me, and virtual life)!
the and sponsored by macrohard!
the every-home-page-dedicated-to-anything sucks home page!
the pretentious punk rock band home page! sponsored in all by sara tonen (whos not only publicist, but also a member)!
the pretentious intellectual/art student home page! sponsored by amhell college, and every intellectual/art student everywhere!
the waste of time home page!
the procrastination home page! (this site still under construction)!
the afterbirth home page!
the unofficial incest home page!
the rohypnol and masturbation home page!
the im-an-individual-but-i-need-to-be-accepted-in-a-group home page!
the visit-and-britney-spears-(-or-any-other-persons-you-hate-)-get-everything-you-ve-ever-really-really-wanted-
the for-yourself-(-and-not-for-the-person-(-s-)-you-hate-)-each-time-you-visit home page!
the brainwash you into mistakenly thinking youve been brainwashed page!
the i-am-useless home page!
the i-dont-follow-any-paths-and-dont-realize-that-im-following-the-path-that-says-i-dont-follow-one home page!
the i-think-im-doing-something-original home page!
the official unofficiality home page!
the unofficial officiality home page!
the take me home page! (available in both adult and child sizes and/or versions)!
Also! |
to me and to my terms today!
offer void where pro-/inhibited!
*this donation rate is a false advertisement! see description for actual donation rate!
**if you are not satisfied we will send you an official letter of apology! free!
***you will NOT have bonus free access to your own site!
FACT!: |
Geoh!cities™ has persuaded |