So my friend Steph-nie in Williamsburg, Virginia always has as her aol away message a little storytime message which just brightens up my day and makes me feel like a better person. Right. So today's was:
BUSH: we dont really care why the chicken crossed the road we just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not the chicken is either with us or it is against us there is no middle ground
Why did the chicken cross the road?
GORE: i invented the chicken i invented the road therefore the chicken crossing the road represents the applications of these 2 different functions of govt in a new reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the am people
POWELL: now at the left of the screen you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road
ALDOURI: the chicken did not cross the road this is a complete fabrication we dont even have a chicken
NADER: the chickens habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed the chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV
So it's April Fools Day and in an attempt to get all philosophical... who is the fool - the one who falls for the prank or the one who is sad enough to go and plan a sadistic prank to play on someone - and the thought of actually remembering to act it out! Oh well, believe me, my dear friends, many a prank will be played today, most of them by me due to my inability to concentrate on writing my stupid essay. Which is exactly what it's going to be if I don't get my ass to it soon - stupid.
I am listening to The Cranberries CD (the one with ode to my family) for the first time in about 3 years. THIS IS THE BEST!! "It's out there, it's out there... it's out there if you want me I'd be here... I'll be dreaming my dreams with you..." Whatever happened to all the old masters??? Now in the times of Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears, what happened to the classics? Like Madonna, to which I had a Like A Prayer dance in grade 2... and Prince? The Offspring? PETER ANDRE AND JEREMY JORDAN?? wow life was good back then> and my keyboard has ceased to work properly> it says it"s on capslock and it"s not typing in caps< but when i switch off the lock< it goes LIKE THIS> AND I"M AFRAID TO TOUCH ANYTHING FOR FEAR THAT THESE BEAUTIFUL WORDS WILL BE FOREVER LOST> but this inability to end with a proper period is quite annoying> will fix this> IF THIS IS A PRANK IT"S NOT FUNNY>
holy CARP, i think i fixed it. maybe it was all of mental prowess. So i get an email today from my wonderful friend Jacqualine in Australia - we used to go to holiday program together!! It was mad fun back in the day. The counselors would sit us down in the tv room and make us watch The Neverending Story 3 EVERY SINGLE DAY. for the whole two week term holiday. believe me, after that, you WANT to go back to school! anyway, she visited me in Hong Kong once and she's planning on coming to Maine in May! Well I don't live in Maine so technically it's not 'coming to' but I just get so excited when any of my Aussie friends come within the whole North American radius of Toronto. It makes me feel popular - as though they are coming specifically to see me and not the world. If I keep on eating Pringles (once you pop, you can't stop) however, my ass will expand to cover the world so there really won't be much of a world to see. I will cast an umbra and penumbra simultaneously on the earth and thus, thrust it into darkness. Believe me, this will not be something I put on my resume, so if you see me eating Pringles, stop me. It's for your own suntan's sake.