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Subject: Lessons in life
LESSON ONE
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the
CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
hand. Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine "I just need one copy."
L E S S O N : Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything
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LESSON TWO
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."
To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"
I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."
Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the
bank manager to tell him about her problem-customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?"
There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"
I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
L E S S O N : If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything.
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LESSON THREE
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of " ---ese" are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean"
The American repeated, "What kind of ---ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of ---ese are you...
Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese etc...... The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what
kind of '...key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of 'key' am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee
L E S S O N: Never insult anyone.
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LESSON FOUR
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said,
Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When
you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water
to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine, the
Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped
and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!....."
L E S S O N: Think twice before you say something, because sometimes accidents do happen.
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So I went shopping today with Jad and Marianne at Yorkdale. Got a pair of shoes and some underwear... yay! Okay, so how's this for irony... I called Marianne before I left and I was like, 1:30pm at St George - don't be late!! She's like, no problem. I go downstairs and Christiaan was outside so we start talking and all. See, the other night (Monday)I was pretty cold to him... Mel, Nadia, Selina and I went swimming and he was in the lift on the way up. I was just like, hey, what's up and that's about it... for 17 floors. Then I was like, okay bye and left. So he asked me today if everything was okay the other day, cuz I seemed pissed off or something. I was like, no, but it was kind of uncomfortable because you'd been acting kinda weird for awhile and so I thought you thought I was interested and was backing off. He's like, huh?
ANyways, met his dad and he was waiting for his friend so they could go to the science museum!! so jealous. haha... see, Christiaan works for the transit thingy.. I dunno... and he gets free passes like, EVERYWHERE. so cool... so I'm going to the ROM with him either tomorrow or the day after (if he calls... hehe) and he said he can probably take me to a Blue Jays game too! Man... this is gonna be the summer to do things I've never done before! Yay! Cuz Steve and Pat are coming and I'm gonna take them to Niagara Falls and the science museum, CN Tower etc. But yeah, it worked out okay but the thing with Christiaan is that whenever I leave, I'm still thinking about whatever I said about 4 hours later going, oh, shoot... it sounded like I meant this... when I didn't... so the next time I talk to him, I always have to explain what happened in the conversation before. It's kind of daunting. In a weird way. So I call Marianne and I'm like, Oh shoot, sorry, now I'M gonna be late!!
So, second bit of irony for the day... Marianne, Jad and I went up to Yorkdale for a purpose... to find Marianne some shoes. I went into Bata at one point and she's like, no, their shoes fall apart really easily.. I'm like, what?? She's like, yeah, 'Buy And Throw Away". I was going, umm... right then. I always used to buy Bata... so she scoffs at them... we visit every shoe store there and finally we go back to Bata and she ends up buying a pair there. Haha.. just like another time when she took her ex Jon shopping there and he's like, how about these shoes? She's like, nah, I don't like those... They walked around for 2 hours looking for shoes and finally went back to Transit... she tries the shoes he suggested in the first place and ends up loving them. This girl is classic.
Then Jad and I went running!!! Yay! I gotta do my laundry otherwise I'm not going to have anymore clothes to run in. But then again, if I've been running that much, and my body's in shape, then running naked isn't that bad of a thing right? (hey, stop picturing me naked!!) Speaking of nudists... Melly's and my conversation on msn today:
melly says: damn mongols
flat's where it's at says: i know. silly genghis khan what was he thinking - invading china and making it into a history book that we'd have to read.
melly says: i know. geee. hmmm, but i actually finished the genghis part.
now i have to deal with the asian women
flat's where it's at says: oh eew.. who the hell wants to deal with asian women?? be back, gotta shower i will be thinking of you honey
melly says: awwww shar is thinking of me when she is naked. so sweet
flat's where it's at says: i know honey, what do you say we be nudists this summer?
melly says: well, after i work out and get into a better shape, sure
flat's where it's at says: okay cool!
melly says: yay
melly says:yay for being naked