The Chronicle of AX


謝 可 為 の 自 傳

May 5, 1973
 
Le Naisance d'AX

 

   

Twenty five years ago, in the remote area of Dutch Borneo, town of Pemangkat, I was sleeping cozily in warmth and providence. Tout a coup, after a midnight wake up call, I was pushed and pulled from all sides. I heard they say the time has come, so without further redue, I was delivered in maternity 101. I was deprived of the warmth and providence. It was cold. I was noisy. I didn't like it. Changes in life even at early stage had always made me uneasy. I cried, but they were too busy cleaning me up from the glutting hemorrhage. Mom was exhausted of labor pain. "It's a boy", The head nurse exclaimed while handing me over to mom so she could take a look at me. I saw her joyful eyes and smile. I smiled back at her. "Have you got a name for him?" Said the head nurse. "Yes, I guess his father has picked up a perfect Chinese name for him. But he will face discrimination with that name in this country. Why don't you help me give his a name." "You don't need to ask for that. We're going to call him Anton. When he is stronger you can take him to Pastor Malachias and have him christened as Antonius."

I grew up fast. I was christened in the old Roman Catholic Church of St. Joseph. I'm proud to be one of His nombreux children. I had never chosen Him, He chose me all right even from my mother's womb. I was sprinkled with water in front of the congregation. I cried again. The photographer took some pictures of us. Then I was Antonius. But funny how, Pastor Malachias always called me by my first name Ko Bui.

Five years of age. First day at school. I was in sort of a daily care center with my godmother. GiaoXiJi. That was not her real name, but it was a nick name for her since childhood. She was named that because she cried a lot when she was kid. GiaoXi means maudlin, and Ji means auntie. Actually, in english her name can sound grandeur, Auntie Magdalene. GiaoXiJi was the one who handled my registration, and took me to school everyday. I guess my parents paid her for the service rendered, but I never knew. I was too cozy in her lap. She loves me more than anything. She took me everywhere she went even when she went to sell sweat meat around the little town.

I was always the average student in school. I never have the sense of competition and never managed to get the top of the class. I always get ranked at 4 or 5. I guess I was pleased with that. At grade three, Cousin Andre introduced me to books. He took me to public library and we borrowed books there. First I was enticed with stories of Cergam Komik, HC Andersen . Then when my comprehension of Bahasa Indonesia got better, I started reading translated short stories like Enid Blyton's famous five and novels. Then I get the hang of KooPingHoo's, the serial GongFu Romance written by the KooPingHoo will really take one's breath away with suspense and enticement. His name has become trademark of GongFu Romance in Indonesia, not only to the Chinese, but also to the holus-bolus. I enjoyed Indonesian literature, I bought books on Limerick, and Poetry. I wrote and I quoted from books I read. I memorized and recited them. I'm good at them.

I had to wear blue short now. I like it. That's mean I'm a lot bigger, a lot wiser, an Adult. Blue short was the uniform we wore on Junior high. I was going to Junior High of Amkur, Pemangkat. It wasn't no big time, but most of its alums had made it in big town, the capital of Indonesia, Jakarta. Many stories traveled back denoting how they engraved their successes there. Sure this is the tough year for me, the adolescent year. The kid girl friends started to stay away from me. I hated girls, but loved them too. Funny, then there were hairs growing on some parts of my body. Strange! I have cousin named Hendrianto. We're both librophil of KooPingHoo's. We had a row one-day over some silly poetry. It must be the spelling. He threw my poetry notes into the ditch. I hated him, but I didn't know why I was so easy to forget we're friends again in high school later. I love my English class since day one. There's no other subject I'd done better in school other that English. Funny! English was a nightmare for most of the kid in school.

I got the better of my English and started to join some English penpal service. I got myself subscribed to English magazine, Dialog, directly sent from Jogjakarta in the other island of Java. I was in High school then. I wore grey trousers instead of blue short. I had the liberty of riding on my folk's old vespa. Our family never owned a car. I hope I could change that destiny in the future. So we don't have to be poor again. I worked at our family shop in the morning. In the afternoon, I go to school. I was big eater, I ate five times a day, sometimes six, au contraire, I never get chubby. They warned me about being infected with worms and flukes, though I worried not about that. I loved working in the shop. It kinda keep my body exercised since I have to carry goods in and out the shop or up and down the storey everyday. I enjoyed talking to customer and attending their needs, especially female customer. But the school was getting tougher as I went on to the last year. I studied hard so to pass the national exams and so to be able go to university in Jakarta.

Father was counting the expense that night on his abacus. He could not afford to pay for my education if it means I have to stay in my own dorm in big city like Jakarta. He knew that life expenses in Jakarta was outrageous. But I passed the exams. What am I to do in this little town. "You want me to live and die like everyone?" That's what I had in mind to argue with dad. But I never did say that. Decision was made. I flew to Jakarta with some money from dad and some presents for my relative in Jakarta. I stayed at a family house. My long lost TaKu, I never knew her name. So I just called her Taku, which means, big auntie. I can't say much about Taku, except to thank for her generous and magnanimous heart to have look after me during my early years in Jakarta.

 

誕生故事

 

三十二年前在印尼的西嘉里曼丹的小城市,邦夏,我舒服地睡在緩和與擁護裡。突然在半夜的叫醒,我從個方向被拉被推。我聽到他們說時間差不多了,所以不在多等,我就在婦產科方被生產了。我失去的溫暖,失去擁護。天變冷,四處吵鬧,我不喜歡這裡。早日的生活變化已給我反感。我大哭了但他們還忙著把血塊洗掉,把我弄乾淨。我媽咪倒抽一口氣在床上躺著被生產的痛苦弄到不敢了。『是個男兒。』護士高興地說並把我包給媽咪看。我看到媽咪的充滿地笑容和眼神,我也對他微笑。『你給他取了名字了嗎?』,護士說。『有,他老爸取了很好聽的中文名字給他,但是在這個國家,他用中文名字長大一定會被人歧視。妳幫我給他一個名字吧,護士‧』『這個妳不用擔心,我們就教他 ANTON 吧,等他長大之後送給 MALACHIAS 神父給領洗為 ANTONIUS。』

我張大的很快。我在聖約瑟 ( ST. JOSEPH ) 天柱教堂受洗。當了上帝的小孩,我覺得很光榮。我沒有選擇祂,是祂從前在我媽咪的肚子裡已選擇了我。在所有會集的見證下,神父把聖水噴到我頭上。我又哭了。攝影師幫我們拍些照片。從那時候,我就變 ANTONIUS 了。但奇怪,MALACHIAS 神父比較喜歡叫我的小明可為。

五歲了。第一天上學。我跟我姨姨去上很像是一個托兒所。嬌斯姨不是她的真名,但是從小人家就叫她嬌斯(客語:愛哭的意思)。我覺得她被那麼稱應該是小時候很愛哭。嬌斯有英文 MAUDLIN 的意思,如果我把她的名字翻譯中文就很好聽了。我會幫她取為 MAGDALENE ,那多完美啊。嬌斯姨是所幫我註冊學校,每天送我去上課的人。我想是我爸媽付她錢幫做這些雜事。但我也不知道了,我舒服地睡在她懷抱裡。他非常疼我。到那裡都抱著我。她去各戶賣客家糕的時候也都包著我在後面。實在太辛苦了。

我在學校都平平的。我好像沒有競爭感也沒有拿過第一名。我都拿過第四或第五名。我想我都很容易滿足。三年級的時候,我表哥阿雄介紹我看書的愛好。他帶我去學校圖書館借書來看。一開始我都很喜歡看漫畫,有 HC ANDERSON 與各作家的作品。當我的印尼文能力加強的時候,我就開始看 ENID BLYTON  的 FAMOUS FIVE 和各種武俠小說。後來我看 KOOPINGHO (苦兵和) 看上癮了。這些武俠小說真的寫的很棒,看的人會有快感。KOOPINGHO 的名字就好像印尼武俠小說的招牌,不但對一般華人,對印尼人也沒差。我喜歡印尼文學,我看樂許多詩歌的書。我喜歡自己學或從書裡拷貝出來背一背。我覺得我還慢適合背詩的。

國中的時候,我們穿藍色的短褲子。這表示我長大了,懂事了。藍褲子是我們國中的制服。我們國中是 AMKUR 國中, 邦夏。他不算什麼了不起的國中,但是這邊畢業的很多都在大城市成功了。所謂的大城市就是印尼首都,雅嘉達。很多大城市傳回來的消息說明他們的成就把他們的成就永遠刻在這個學校裡。說真的,這幾年是最不好過的,這是我的青春年。女性開始離我遠了。我也開始討厭女的,同時也喜歡她們。很奇怪的感覺。滿身也開始張毛了。奇怪! 

我有一個表弟叫 HENDRIANTO。我們都是看 KOOPINGHO 武俠小說看上癮的。有一天我們就因為詩歌意見不同大吵起來。可能是因為拼字的關係。他把我的詩歌譜丟在水溝裡。我氣到不行,從此就討厭他。但我也蠻快忘記的。到了高中,我們又和好。這時候,我喜歡英文。其他的功課都沒有英文來得好。這也奇怪,對別的學生,英文是最可怕的惡夢。

我英文越來越好的時候,我參加筆友的服務。我訂了一些英文雜誌--DIALOG。這是 JOGYAKARTA,一個抓瓦島上的城市裡出版的雜誌。高中的時候,我們穿灰色的長褲。這時候我也可以騎我爸爸的維士牌。我們從來家沒有汽車,我希望有一天可以改掉這個命運。我們也不用那麼窮了。我沒天在我爸爸的店幫忙,下午我去上課。那時候我很會吃,每天可以吃六次,但是都不會胖。他們笑我可能肚子裡有蟲,但是我不聽他們。我喜歡在店裡幫忙,就像運動一樣。每天早上把攤子搬出來晚上又搬回去。我也喜歡跟一些客戶哈啦,尤其是女性的客戶。到國三的時候壓力就大了。每天都要 K 書為了能畢業能到雅嘉達考上大學。

有一天晚上,我爸爸打著算盤算我到雅嘉達的費用。他覺得無法承擔我的學費和房租。雅嘉達德勝虎費比較高。我終於考上了。我在這個小城市能幹嘛? 『如果你讓我留,我就會跟他們一樣,這邊活,這邊死。』我就想這樣跟我爸說。但是我還沒說出來,我爸也答應讓我去雅嘉達了。過幾天,我就搭飛機到雅嘉達帶著一些錢和給親戚朋友的禮物。我到我大姑家,我好久不見的大姑。說我大姑的人,他人非常好,他心善良,我住她家的時候都是她在照顧我。

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