Open Adoption has been defined as any adoption arrangement that includes identifying information about the BirthParents and Adoptive Parents. It may or may not include exchaging photographs, letters, phone calls, visits, etc.
My Narrative:
I had always been a book-smart girl, even as I made bad judgement calls outside of the classroom. Shortly after my 17th birthday, I became pregnant. Hiding my pregnancy, and denying the fact that I was even pregnant, became a very difficult task. After five months, my mother discovered a pregnancy test in my room. . . and the result window was positive. We began looking into adoption alternatives. We found help at Catholic Social Services in Covington, KY. They introduced me into Open Adoption, and at the time I found the idea radical. I was suspicious of it, because it didn't seem to me that any adoptive parents would willingly allow me to be a part of my child's life after that child was adopted. I looked at photo albums of the prospective parents, and found a couple that seemed perfect for my child. I met them, liked them, helped them decorate the nursery . . .it seemed like a fairy tale. By this time I was eight and a half months pregnant, and my pregnancy started to seem real. I could feel my baby kick, and I would have secret conversations with her. I wanted to hold onto that pregnancy. I knew that once she was born I had to trust the adoptive parents to raise her . . .I knew that I had to trust them to allow me to have a relationship with her. . .and that scared the hell out of me. After she was born I realized how beautiful, how precious, she was. I knew that at seventeen I could never be the kind of parent she desired, especially since I would be on my own. Placing that beautiful child into their arms was the hardest thing I've ever done. I was so worried that something would happen to her, and that I wouldn't be there to help. But the more I saw them take care of her, the more I knew that they loved her too. My visits with her allowed me to see her grow up healthy, allowed me to see how much she loved them, and most importantly allowed me to let her know that her birthmother loved her too. My greatest fear was always that she would feel abandoned by me. Now I feel sure that she will understand that it wasn't because I didn't love her that I handed her to someone else to raise, but rather because I loved her so much that I knew at that point in my life I couldn't do her justice. Now she is a smart, well adjusted little girl. She knows she came from "Haley's belly", she smiles when I visit, but she knows that I am not her mother. Her mother is the wonderful, selfless woman that cares for her everyday of her life. She isn't confused about that. While it is hard sometimes to know that my love for her hasn't changed (I still love her as if I was her day-to-day mom), her love for me will be different that her love for her day-to-day mother. But that is the sadness that comes with any adoption. Do I ever regret making an open adoption plan for my daughter? Never. I may feel sad about what I did lose. . .but I gained a peace of mind that reminds me that we are all better off now. She has two parents and a birthmother that love her unconditionally. I have a little girl that knows I love her. Two wonderful people were able to adopt a perfect little girl.