Dear Paul:
It’s been a long time, but I was listening to Dr. Laura this afternoon and decided that I really should get in touch with you again. Do you ever listen to her? She is so good. She really helps people straighten out their lives, even if she has to be really tough with them.
Anyway, I was listening to Dr. Laura and thinking about what I did wrong with you. Maybe I was not enough like her. I was never strong enough to help you the way you really needed to be helped. You know what the Bible says, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." I think I spared the rod too much when you were young.
I remember when you were a teenager, I let you get away with so much? Remember that time that I caught you sharing that bottle of beer with those friends of yours behind the garage? I only grounded you for a month. Now, I’m not sure that that was enough. I think that maybe I should have reported you to the police; asked them to put you in jail for a few days. It might have been good for you to have to take full responsibility for your behaviour. After all, drinking when you are under age is against the law and I just treated it like a family matter. I know that you would have been even more upset if you had to go to jail, but you know that good medicine always tastes bad at the time.
I heard that you graduated from university again. I guess congratulations are in order. Though, I still think that you should have gone into the army instead. You would have learned so much more than wasting all those years being a professional student, just lazing around at school. Boot camp would have given you such a good opportunity for personal growth. My own father learned so much in the war. It is a pity that we don’t have a war for young men to go off to any more. I admit that I was pretty sad when Uncle Henry got killed over there, but that was God’s will. You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. Even if they don’t have any wars, they shouldn’t have ended the draft. Even without a war, the army is still a good experience for young men. Gives them good discipline; respect for authority. You never see a soldier with dirty, scuffed-up shoes.
At least you had to work your own way through university. I expect you learned a lot working at McDonalds. We would have helped you out some, you know. If only you had asked. But it’s probably better that you earned your own way through school. Even if it did take you six years to get your first degree.
Did you hear that Shel Silverstein died? Did you know that he wrote A Boy Named Sue? They played it again on the radio. Johnny Cash sure is a good singer. Maybe we should have named you Sue instead of Paul. It would have made you tougher.
Oh, did I mention that I ran into Sally Ann last month? I always liked her. I was so upset when you stopped going out with her. She was the kind of woman that would have been good for you. Strong. It was so funny, that time at our place, when she told you that she was going to bite your tongue right off if you ever tried French kissing her. You should have seen the look on your face. She said that she is separated from her husband. She is trying to find him so she can serve him with divorce papers. That’s not Tommy, your old chum who she’s divorcing now. Her marriage to Tommy only lasted six months. This is her second husband that she is divorcing now. I don’t think you know him. Poor Sally Ann. She has such bad luck with husbands. She hasn’t even managed to stay married long enough to start a family. And I think that she’d be such a good mother. But she is available again and I still think that you would be good for each other. I heard that you got married last year. Gail told me that your wife is a real nice person. I would like to meet her sometime. But really, Sally Ann would be so good for you, I think maybe you ought to look her up anyway, even if you did marry someone else.
Gail also said that you were working as a professor at a university now. That doesn’t sound like a real job to me, but if that’s what you want to do, who am I to tell you how to run your life? But I think that university professors are mostly crazy. All that studying warps their minds. Like that German fellow who said that God was dead. Now that’s crazy. You wouldn’t say something like that, would you? Though I hear that that guy also said that whatever does not kill you makes you stronger. So I guess he had some good ideas, too. But I don’t understand why an intelligent person like him would get so down on God. God is such a comfort in these hard times. When your father was killed by that drunk driver five years ago, I talked to the minister and he said that God gives us tragedies so that we can learn from them. And I got to see you at the funeral, so some good did come out of it. It is such a comfort to know that God is always trying to help us. I just wish that I could have talked to you for longer. You left so quickly after the service.
You seemed so unhappy at the funeral. And now becoming a professor. If you don’t want my help, then I hope that you will consider getting some help from somewhere else. I hear that there are some very good therapy treatments available, now. Though I don’t have any personal experience, Mary – remember Mary, our old neighbor from two doors down? – Mary said that there is something called "primal scream therapy" where people yell and cry a lot. That sounds like it would be good for you. Or group therapy? I hear that in some groups, they don’t let you go to the bathroom so everyone is really uncomfortable, then they call people names. Maybe that would help you.
I’m giving this letter to Gail to give to you. I would have called you myself, but Gail wouldn’t tell me where you are. Or even which university you are at. She said that you asked her not to tell me. I don’t understand why you treat me like this. I don’t know what I ever did to you, but surely you can forgive me. I only want the best for you.
Love,
Mom