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1. Success comes to those who make it happen not those who let it happen. 2. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. 3. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 4. Make friends before you need them. 5. Minds are like parachutes; they function only when open. 6. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. 7. Past failures are guideposts for future success. 8. One who lacks courage to start has already finished. 9. The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up. 10. One thing you can give and still keep is your word. 11. Where you come from isn't as important as where you are going. 12. When looking for faults, use a mirror not a telescope. "The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter" Mark Twain "Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool"...Kipling "Your word is one of the most precious things you own. Do not give it lightly. Once given, do everything withing your power not to break it. A broken word, like a broken cup, can not hold very much for very long." John Roger & Peter McWilliams "If you are not actively involve in what you want, you don't really want it." John Roger & Peter McWilliams "Life is something like a trumpet. If you don't put anything i, you wont get anything out" W.C Hnady "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we've already done" Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that three of his fingers are pointing at himself." Louis Nizer "If you think you have given enough, think again. There is always more to give and someone to give it to." Norman Vincent Pealebr> "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power"...Abraham Lincoln "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"...Martin Luther King, Jr. "Have you ever noticed that sometimes you do a better job with your hand?" Dr. Mahamood Nahvi "There are three rings to marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering" David Lee Roth. "From birth to age 18 A girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash." Sophie Tucker "The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well" Elizabeth Kubler-Ross "Love is like a flower. It shortly dies!" Unknown "A woman's love is a man's privilege, not his right!" Unknown "Those who say they can see through women are missing a lot." Unknown "You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart womam with a dumb guy." Unknown "A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally." Lillian Day "You know it is going to be a bad day when...you wake up and discover that your waterbed sprang a leak, and then realize that you don't have a waterbed." Unknown "That's a great outfit you're wearing...I have just the perfect hanger for it." Anonymous Immature love says:"I love you because I need you." Mature love says:"I need you because I love you." -Erich Fromm, psychologist. The Art of Loving, ch2. Women are natural guerrillas. Scheming, we nestle into the enemy's bed, avoiding open warfare, watching the options, playing the odds. -Sally Kempton (b. 1943), U.S. author. "Cutting Loose," in Esquire (New York, July 1970). I have always found women difficult. I don't really understand them. To begin with, few women tell the truth. -Barbara Cartland (b. 1901), British novelist. The Isthmus Years, ch. 1 (1942). A complete woman is probably not a very admirable creature. She is manipulative, uses other people to get her own way, and works within whatever system she is in. -Anita Brookner (b. 1938), British novelist, art historian. Interview in Writers at Work (Eighth Series, ed. by George Plimpton, 1988). If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girl friends. And they tolerated it and let us go ahead and play with our toys. -Orson Welles (1915-84), U.S. filmmaker, actor, producer. Interview in David Frost, The Americans, "Can a Martian Survive by Pretending to be a Leading American Actor?" (1970). When you are down and out something always turns up-and it is usually the noses of your friends. -Orson Welles (1915-85), U.S. filmmaker. New York Times (1 April 1962). The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. Theodore Rooselvelt 1) Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved 2) Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 3) Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald." 4) Marrying a divorced man ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. 5) Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on telelvision, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone is case they call him. 6) All men look bad in black socks and sandals. 7) Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public, they have to know. 8) All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun. 9) All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf. 10) Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log doesn't burn, he will take it personally. 11) Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. 12) All men think they are nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. 13) Men don't get cellulite. God must be a man. 14) Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy. 15) Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore. 16) Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door. 17) If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. 18) Men own basketball teams. Every year, cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. 19) When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. 20) Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly. 21) Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. 22) Most women are introspecitve: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?" 23) Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." 24) Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women. 25) Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge to them. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you...I think I want to marry you... and have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks. 26) Men accept compliments much better than women. Example: RUTH: "Mitch, you look great." MITCH: "Thanks." (on the other side) MITCH: "Ruth, you look great." RUTH: "I do? Must be the lighting." 27) Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit. 28) Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit. 29) Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because all their clothes button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed. 30) Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. 31) When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk. 32) Male menopause is a lot more fun that female menopause. Females gain weight and get hot flashes. Men get to date young girls and drive motorcycles. 33) Men forget everything; women remember everything. 34) That's why they need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. 35) Men would like monogamy better if is sounded less like monotony. 36) All men would still really like to own a train set. |