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cartoonish philosophy
toon quotations
random ramblings
demented memory

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December 25, 2001

For Christmas, my parents got me a gigantic Garfield clock, which I now proudly display on my bookshelf, dresser, and window sill. In honor of that, I'll share with you a quote from the Christmas comic of Garfield from 1981:

GARFIELD: Christmas Spirit... It's not the giving. It's not the receiving. It's the loving.

(...and one from Christmas, 1982: "I'll be funny again tomorrow. Trust me.")

December 24, 2001

Getting coal in your stocking at Christmas might be seen as a character booster. Instead of getting something fun, you get something useful. Then again, who really uses coal anymore? I know that people use charcoal in thier barbeque pits, but who barbeques in the winter? Plus, coal burns really dirtily, thus damaging the planet, and dust from it gets everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE! Your stocking will contain bits of coal dust forever, so all future candy will contain a coalish aftertaste. It crumbles in your hands, and then you wipe it on your clothes and it never comes out. Five years later you're still trying to sweep the coal dust from your floors. Come to think of it, coal is probably one of the worst things you could get.

November 28, 2001

Creative ways to annoy your parents Part 1:

This suggestion comes from a November, 1990 episode of "Calvin and Hobbes." In the middle of the night, break out a dusty old record of classical music, play it at 78 RPM, and turn it up real loud. Jammin'!

November 15, 2001

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
- Albert Einstein, when asked to descriibe radio

November 10, 2001

If you ever want to upset a pregnant lady conduct the following:

YOU: Do you love that baby in your belly?
HER: Of course I do.
YOU: Then why did you eat him?

This was courtesy of an old "Bloom County" piece.