The light that morning hit the neighbor’s garden beautifully. The air smelled fresh and pure, and the grass was sparkling with scattered dew. This was a day full of promise, a day filled with beauty and peace, a day that inspired me to take charge and do something I had been meaning to do for weeks. The neighbors were home, but I didn’t care. I had come for the delicious, ripe, juicy fruit that hung seductively from the firm tree branches.
"Pups," I said, "Look at those peaches sitting way over yonder. I ain’t ever had peaches like those. They are just so scrumptious looking. Mmm, mmm, MMM!"
"I have," Pups said, "and they are the best darned peaches you could ever eat. They are sweeter than pure fructose."
"Then let’s go!" I exclaimed.
Before jumping the log fence I looked around to make sure no one was watching. It looked clear, so we headed in. Before grabbing the peaches I wanted to try some of the other delicacies in the garden. We headed back towards a stream that flowed near a luscious strawberry patch. We saw a coyote lying in the strawberries, but he ran away as soon as he saw Pups’ sharp teeth. We feasted mightily, and our bellies filled quickly. Eventually we decided to grab the peaches before we were stuffed, and headed west towards the orchard.
Within a few minutes we were there. So many peaches hung low and high throughout the canopy that I barely knew where to start. There were big ones and bigger ones, ripe ones and riper ones, sweet ones and delectable ones. They all looked so tantalizing, but I had to find the yummiest one for my first, most sacred theft from the neighbor’s tree. It would have to be carefully selected and thoroughly savored, an experience to be remembered for a lifetime. I felt as though I had been saving myself for this one fleeting embrace with the most lovely peach of my life, and it had to be the right one.
"Look up in the treetops, I think I see a nice looking peach up there," Pups said, nose pointed skyward.
I looked up, unsure of what I would find. There were so many peaches that I didn’t know if I could locate the one that Pups mentioned. I scanned the leafy screen dotted with shapely figures of orange and yellow. I saw something unique, I thought, but continued to scan. Again I noticed something. What was it? I took a careful look, squinting at it. While I looked I thought, "Is that what I think it is? Can it be?" I gazed for several minutes, unsure. Then slowly I realized that this peach, bestowing its surroundings with magnificent shades of yellow, orange, and red as it gleamed vivaciously in the sunlit treetops, was the most glorious peach ever beheld by human eyes! It was so perfect in shape, size, and more that I knew it must be The One.
I wanted to reach my hand towards it, to touch it, to love its enticing flavor, but the peach was elevated beyond my reach. I would have to climb this grand tree to its slender top, carefully take the peach in hand, tug gently, and descend with it cradled in my palm.
I eyed the canopy and prepared for my ascent. I reached one branch, tested it, and pulled myself up. I reached for another branch, hoisted myself, and then grabbed another. Soon I was near the top. I scooted up a little higher and leaned out, seeking the one I desired. My fingers inched toward it, I nearly had it in my hand, and then...
"Hey! What do you think you’re doing! To think I was blaming your dog for eating my peaches! Now I know that it was the both of you!" yelled Mr. Silvers.
The branch rustled as I yanked my hand back. Within a few seconds I tore down the tree, then Pups and I raced away as fast as a greyhound. Our neighbor was a furious swarm of bees wanting to sting us for stealing his honey peaches, and chased us unwaveringly. Pups and I were terrified about what would happen if, or when, he caught us. Soon I was only a few yards ahead of him and he nearly grabbed me! Then, through some miracle of luck, or the fact that he only had one leg, he stopped! With yellow, shining eyes he threw us an evil laugh more sinister than my grandmother’s.
"Next year I’ll spray my fruit, then no one will want to eat it, especially you two thieves!" Mr. Silvers proclaimed loudly after us.
We ran home, not looking back. When we arrived I locked the door and we flopped out on the couch, exhausted. Pups and I did little during the rest of the day, but this morning was more than enough excitement to last us a week. We may not have had a long adventure, but it was certainly a memorable one.
Later that night as Pups and I got into our beds, Pups started talking. "Yup, Mr. Silvers sure had some really nice strawberries. Maybe we could head back again when he’s not home sometime. I haven’t tasted any of his blackberries this year," said Pups.
"Pups, his fruit was mighty delicious, but I ain’t ready to think about going back. You know how he laughed at us with those yellow eyes. I ain’t ready to face that again," I told Pups.
"Yeah, but you didn’t get none of his peaches, and they are the best! We should go back, and soon! You know you want to."
I just said no and shut my eyes. Pups looked at me for a minute and then went to sleep. While he lay there dreaming I streched my hand out and pulled today’s clothes off the dresser. I emptied the pockets, set them in the laundry bin, and went back to bed. I thought about the peaches on our neighbors’ trees. So beautiful, so sweet, so far away... I sighed and let my imagination wander. Thousands of peaches filled my dreamy eyes, one shining forward and making itself obvious despite all the wonderous fruit around it. What I knew was The One sailed ahead in my mind.
I rolled onto my side with my hands balled up beside me. As I lay in bed thinking of the day’s adventure I was washed over by a sense of pleasure. Slowly, I sent my peach-filled hands to my lips, and lengthened my mouth into an open, juicy smile.
"Isis has died!" were the cries throughout Egypt. She had
been unintentionally stabbed through the belly by her
brother Seti while he was playing darts with his golden
spears. By nightfall everyone in Egypt had heard of this
tragedy, and Egypt prepared for her mummification.
Passing through the underworld was strange and awe-inspiring
for Isis. Never before had she seen such odd creatures, or
heard such interesting sounds. Slowly she made her way, and at last came to the first gate...
"Ho, Isis, goddess of fertility! Speak your password or
never reach immortality!" bellows the gatekeeper.
"Pickled eggs on rye, hold the zombie sauce, with
cream of zucchini flambae," speaks Isis confidently.
"Alright, you may pass, but first could you guard the
gate for me, because you've really made me hungry?" asks the gatekeeper.
"NO!" says Isis firmly, and passes through, unheeding
of the gatekeeper's begging.
Later, after having passed through the last gate,
Isis comes before me, Osiris, and she speaks.
"Osiris! My husband, how I have missed you! Let
me be immortal without the weighing of my heart!" says Isis.
"Isis, you know I cannot do that. Even I, god of the dead, cannot let
you become immortal without your being judged," I state sadly.
"But Osiris!" exclaims Isis, "Don't you still love me, your wife, your..."
"ISIS!" I yell, then speaking calmly, say, "Isis, look at me, your
husband, what I say now I deeply believe. You have not committed
any inequity against men, you have not done anything that which
I think would cause the Devourer of Souls to eat your heart,
so be judged and live forever."
"Yes, my dear husband, I trust and believe you. If I must be
judged, then so be it." She then says what she must.
While she speaks, I stroke the Devourer pleasantly, smiling and nodding.
Soon she has finished, and her heart has not tipped the scale.
"Isis," I say, "what was the color of my first robe?"
"Blue?" Isis guesses.
Her heart becomes heavier, tipping the scale. Isis becomes terrified, and the
Devourer pounces. Ripping her heart chunk by chunk, the Devourer eats hungrily.
"Isis," I say casually, "my robe was green, not blue. I'm sorry,
but it looks like you're not going to live forever after all."
I smile, and begin to laugh. Poor Isis, it is so sad that I no longer
love her, but I now love the Devourer. Just before she passes into
oblivion I kiss the Devourer and say, "Isis, if only you had died
sooner. I might not have tricked you into oblivion. But just know
this: I did love you once, but now I care for none but my new love
and my children. Oh, yes, it is true that you could have passed into
the afterlife without being judged, but I would not let you. Sayonara!"
I am pleased, and the Devourer of Souls is satisfied.
When Hitler was a child, and he being a fairly ordinary child, he loved winter and couldn't imagine a nicer time of the year anywhere.
After the first deep snowfall, at the age of six, he became ambitious and set out to make a snowman. He rolled a great ball of snow for the base,
which he packed firm and made perfectly round. He placed a smaller ball just as neat atop the first, and a third, smaller still, upon the second.
He carefully placed two pieces of coal on the top ball for eyes. He then took a carrot for a nose and accidently smeared coal on it.
He removed his gloves to wipe off the coal discolored carrot, but only spread the dark substance more.
He began to cry and wiped his eyes, which blurred his vision with tears and coal dust. Other children began to laugh at him and he ran home,
dropping the carrot.
His mother saw him and noticed his darkened eyes. She spanked him and yelled, "Think of the impurities you have exposed yourself to!"
Hitler never forgot.
Business and government had long recognized evil as being a necessary evil of a free market economy.
One day a highly placed politician decided it should be quantified. He hired a consulting firm with a solid
reputation for its work in evaluating the relationships between various intangibles.
The first problem encountered by the consultants was the discovery that evil was inherently self-defeating
in any quantifiable goals assigned to it. It was decided, therefore, that the Gross National Product,
while quantifiable, must in itself contain no inherent goals, such as a relationship between the GNP
and quality of life or a relationship between the GNP and any other value system.
Dispensing with a goal oriented approach to the GNP established evil as a 7% quantity that would devour
the remaining 93% if these assumptions prevailed. Not only would society become completely evil, but the
Gross National Product would triple as a result. The politician publicly released these findings while declaring
his intent to run for the presidency in front of cameras at an abortion clinic to the stars.
"Prosperity is right around the corner," he declared.
"Within the same time frame, gravity centralizes in a mass of given volume. Within different frames of time, gravity between two mass volumes diffuses, giving a gravitational force between the distance of each center of mass as an attraction diminished by distance cubed times the diminished pull through time squared.
"A consequence of slowing the rate of passage through time of an object such as the sun would be its collapse, whereas an acceleration through time would cause it to explode and rend more furiously.
"As a mass collapses into the form of a black hole, the central interior rips the fabric of time, leading to an explosion of its matter into opposing temporal realities where it may become unsprung as a big bang funneled into various universes through time. As the black hole regurgitates its essence, it may also draw more mass to itself, maintaining the process."
Nero contemplated the words of his enslaved Arabian genie, and considered revealing this to the people. He noticed flames breaking out in parts of the city as he stood on the balcony and, in distraction, was inspired to call for his fiddle. It was to be the most illuminating night of his life.
In the zone of level nine, the walls of Valhalla have endured the drying of essence by misdeed and misuse. Godhood shall not be denied nor the needs thereof. The life essence of plants shall prove as means repairable of damages incurred by observing bio-mechanics of plants in how they pass off moisture from their essence. The flower of the Venus flytrap and the root of violets both may be used in this process. This will be the means to deconstructing the damage to space in Godhood level nine.