Nothing special going on today. woke up at 10, but still wanted to dream my weed dreams, so forced myself back into fitful snatches of sleep, during which my malevolent consciousness concocted all kinds of fucked up dreams. in one dream, no matter how hard i tried, every woman i talked to seemed to be separated from me by a divide. it was like i was a freak and no matter how glibly i talked i couldn't penetrate the thick hide of the girl's emotions. i woke out of that one and twisted over into another one, unfortunately i can't remember it anymore, but it was probably something which once again brought me face to face with my weaknesses.
I didn't feel like being in my room after i had showered. i wanted to get out and walk around in the fresh air. luckily the slight drizzling that had been going on stopped by the time i got out. i didn't know what i wanted to do. i wanted to eat something as i was starving and vaguely in the back of my head, a plan to drink a 40, somewhere out in nature was forming. so i walked around, looking at people, changing my mind with the turn of every street, backtracking, going south, west, east, thinking and rejecting possibilities.
then i saw Gina. she was talking to a gas attendant as he pumped gas into her car. her hair was still that shiny jet black and she was smiling broadly in that friendly way of hers, as she watched the gas getting pumped. i didn't talk to her. i couldn't bring up the enthusiasm and i guess in a way i didn't want her to see my wretchedness. i set myself up for failure with women i really like, but then i am still at the emotional level of an adolescent high schooler when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, especially in the context of developing a somewhat meaningful long term sexual relationship. so i skipped on Gina and stood looking down at the park below Dupont bridge, the rushing and swirling waters of the little stream mirroring my own feelings.
I decided to go down to GWU. it had three advantages. i liked eating at the TGIF there sometimes, my friend Kevin lived there and i knew a store there where i could buy a 40. i decided to check on my friend first and maybe bum food off him to save on money. i went to the store to get the 40 first, in case he was home, so i could drink while i ate leftovers or cooked. but, he wasn't home and i still needed to eat. drinking that harsh 8.1% alcohol level malt liquor piss would have leveled me to the ground straight away. so i walked towards TGIF, sipping the piss, watching the students pack up their stuff and say goodbye to friends in anticipation of the summer break. i hid the 40 in an alley and walked into TGIF.
some other day ... Gina.