Here is some poetry
I found in magazines over the years,
I am not sure who
wrote them but they are a lot of fun!
A Day in Hospital
You wake at six
each morning
with a violent,
shuddering start
and you see through
bleary bloodshot eyes
the good old poison
cart.
And Sister checks
the folders
to see just who
gets what,
some just get a
pill or two.
and some get the
ruddy lot.
So you settle back
to rest again
and on you bed
you flop
when in comes good
old Sadie
with her bucket
and her mop.
She swishes here
and swishes there
she doesn't miss
a trick
and when she's
finished off her job
the ward looks
pretty slick.
Then once again
you try to sleep
and you gently
drift away,
when in comes cookie
and her mob
with your ruddy
breakfast tray.
And when the dishes
have been cleared
and you think,
"Ah! The slumber hour!"
The bloomin' nurses
wake you up
and make you take
a shower.
And when they've
got you squeaky clean
you collapse upon
your bed,
but back comes
cookie with your lunch
a sick man must
be fed.
And so it goes
all through the day, you cannot get a rest,
there's pills to
take and docs to see
and here and there
a test.
And when at night
you go to bed
and pray the lord
to keep,
they wake you up
at ten o'clock
with a pill to
make you sleep!
THE GOOD OLD DAYS
There once was a
time you fed grass to a cow,
not smoked it the
way some people do now.
And bread was for
eating, the staff of life,
not brought home
in a pay packet,
to give to the
wife.
"Gay" simply meant
that a person was glad,
and hire purchase
schemes were only a fad.
A man who was high
was up on a ladder,
and a child's soccer
ball had a mendable bladder.
Then, it didn't
take hundreds of dollars to shop,
and girl's swimming
suits had a bottom and top.
If you sat on a
ton you were up on a load,
not trying to spatter
yourself over the road.
the doctor did
rounds, and so did the parson
and kids hating
school didn't think about arson.
The world is changing,
the language is too,
it's off with the
old, and on with the new.
But when we are
old, will these modern ways,
be in our minds
as those good old days?
COCKY'S LAMENT
Now I ain't a one
fer whingin'
but it's no wonder
I look troubled,
fer since they
switched ter dollars
me flamin' overdraft
has doubled.
But they couldn't
leave it there,
oh, don't it make
yer laugh,
fer then they brought
in kilograms
and me wool clip
dropped by 'alf.
Then they metrified
the weather,
which just added
to me pain,
since they turned
it inta celcius
I've ain't a drop
of rain.
They couldn't even
leave the soil
that I've worked
since just a lad,
me acres, changed
to 'ectares and -
I've got 'alf the
farm I had.
Then daylight savings
came along
and now I ave no
doubt
I work at least
an eight day week,
so I decided to
sell out.
But then they really
done me down
the rotten bunch
'o' bleeders,
me place is "too
far out of town"
since they changed
to kilomeeders.
THE GET WELL CARD
I went up to the
hospital
visiting a friend
who'd had an operation
and was now well
on the mend.
He had just received
a get well card
from his kids at
home, he said
and proudly showed
it to me
as I sat beside
his bed.
I must admit I
had a smile
as I read it through
with care
and felt a twinge
of pity
for the poor man
lying there.
It said, " Please
get well quickly dad,
and we hope you'll
be home soon,
from Mary, George
& Evelyn, Jack, Nancy,
Ruth and June,
Mick, Joe, Peter, Frank and Tom,
Jessie, Louise
and Jim, Dick, Charlie, Linda, Katharine
and the baby, little
Kim.
"We are waiting
to welcome you,
when you come home
again
and we're hoping
your vasectomy
hasn't caused you
too much pain!
OLD DREAMER
I'm searching for
a nice young bride
who'll pay me some
attention
'cos now me working
days are thru
I'm paid the old
age pension.
With rosy cheeks
and smilin' lips
she'd be me faithful
maid,
and help me round
on plastic hips
and change me hearing
aid.
Each day she'd
cook and scrub for me
then I'd switch
off the lights
she'd make a man
of eighty three
keep warm these
winter nights.
Then as me bride
sets out to prove
that I'm a lucky
man,
the nursing sister
wake me up
and lifts me on
the pan.
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES
The little lad was
praying
as he knelt beside
the bed
and just outside
the door his dad
listened to what
he said.
"God bless mummy,"
said the little boy,
"Bless dad and
Grandma too,
and all my best
to Grandad,
who's coming to
live with you!"
Dad couldn't understand
it,
though to work
it out he tried;
But it all became
apparent
when next day,
Grandad died.
"The lad can see
the future!"
Said the father,
"He's a prophet!"
"He knows who's
on this mortal coil,
and who will shuffle
off it!"
So the next time
father listened
to the prayers
of his lad,
he was horrified
to hear him say
"God bless mum,
and goodbye dad."
Now Dad was really
worried,
as he tip-toed
from the room.
He knew the boy
had rightly told
his end, his fate,
his doom.
The spent a sleepless
night,
but when he staggered
from the bed,
there upon his
doorstep,
was the milkman
lying dead!
If anyone knows who has written these poems
please email me and let me know so I can add their
names.
I HAVE LEARNT
A cats desire to scratch the
furniture
is directly proportional
to the cost
of the furniture.
Let your little ones help
you
around the house when they
offer - it won't last forever!
I shouldn't get into a lift
with a full bladder.
I should put the T-shirt I
want my husband to wear
at the front of the drawer,
because he'll never look
any further.
When you are eating junk food
in front of the telly the
first ad to come on is Jenny
Craig.
When you have a headache,
take two aspirin
and stay away from children.