Jimmie Alexander
Jimmie's
Journals
From first day at Parris, Island Boot
Camp at 17 years old, I was scared and at that time I did
not think I would come home. So, right then I
became mad and felt all alone. I had no girl, my
mom and dad acted like 'Thank God in Greyhound he's
gone'. They were just trying to be funny; but it hurt!
We lived in a two-story house and the
lady from upstairs, Mrs. Washburn, came downstairs and
gave me 2 new silver dollars. She said she had
prayed on them to bring me back from Vietnam and told me
to keep them together. If I lost one the powers of
the prayers would not protect me and I wouldn't be coming
home. I stopped and gave one to my 2 year old
sister, Kathy Sue, told her not to spend it and she
promised not to spend it!
Now here is where I found GOD because
the day I got shot, they took me to DaNang Hospital.
All they did was wrap me in bandages. I had
been shot 9 times in one leg. The next day they sent me
to Guam Hospital. That is where they did the
surgery to close my leg up. Couldn't save the
muscle; just had to tuck the skin over and use staples to
close it. Had to leave 3 in there; Two in there to
this day.
After surgery, they asked me if I would
like to call my Mother. They said yes and Mom
answered the phone and I said, "Mom, this is
Jimmie". Right then and there I knew GOD was
with me when my Mom said "Jimmie, stop, I know
already why you are calling. You've been hurt,
haven't you"? I was in total shock. She
said my baby sister, Kathy Sue, had awakened from a
nightmare shouting and crying, "My bubba been shot,
my bubba has been shot". I said yes, and I
would be home.
My Mom said, "Jimmie, what time
and day was it when you got shot"? It was hard
for her to speak to me again. My sister woke up the
very time when I got shot! So that tells me GOD
sent ANGELS to me through Mrs. Washburns' prayers to keep
me safe while I was in Vietnam.
God was showing me HIS love by
caring for me, HE was with my sister also; how else would
she have known at the very minute of my getting shot?
Well, I did not go right home.
They shipped me to Middleton,
Tenn. There I stayed for 2 months and then they let
me go home on a week-end pass. WOW, big deal.
When I returned to Tennessee, after
awhile I had learned to walk again. Now they were
sending me to Honolulu, Ha. There I stayed till
President Nixon passed the ruling in Congress to let out
Vietnam Vets that had less than 9 months to serve;
providing they had been injured in combat.
That's when I said, "YES,
YES".
Continuing Journal----  
Had a dream and memories of 30 years
ago. Went to bed last night and went to sleep, Started
dreaming. All of a sudden, I was back in Nam. I was on
patrol. We had just left Contien. Got up on the Ho Chi
Min trail and into a firefight. Radioman called for
backup. Mortars, 1055', snipers; we were pinned down.
Could not see nothing but the smoke. Only thing I could
hear was the incoming rounds and all my brothers
screaming........
I stood up when all the incoming
stopped. The shooting stopped......Looked through the
smoke and saw my hometown buddy, Ted Brown. He was
hollering "Oh my God, Jimmie, help me"! Started
toward him, then the sniper fire broke out again. Never
made it back to my lifelong friend. But to this day, it
echos in my mind, that fatal scream
...."Oh my God, Jimmie, help
me"!.................
That is one of my nightmares that keep
me up at night. To know that a brother was so close to me
and I could not help him. That hurts me so bad,
especially because he cried out my name.
That was his last breath. That is my
most agonizing memory of Vietnam. That was the hardest
name for me to see, touch, and connect with when I once
again met him at "THE WALL".
If only God could have helped me make
it to him, he might still be here today. Not only his
screams, but the screams of all my brothers, the
corpsman, the radioman was pinned down,... Lt. was
dead,... and the Lt. Sgt. was fresh out of boot camp and
did not know what to do.
Asked me for advice and because of
seeing and smelling the blood of my brothers dying all
around me; all I could think of was "RETREAT".
That is what we did.
May GOD be with all the BROTHERS we
have lost.
And someday I will stand attention and salute you again,
my BROTHERS.
Then, it will be time to say-
WELCOME HOME BROTHERS, SEMPER FI  
Another Memory......
Well, here I am at Contien. I am on
Guard Duty in a trench line and it is dark......so dark I
could not even see my hand and so hot I could hardly
breathe. So quiet, not one little sound........
All of a sudden, I heard footsteps and I grabbed my M-16.
Before I knew it, someone was in the trench right beside
me. I said "Who is it"? A familiar voice came
back at me........."Jimmie, is that you"?
It was then I realized it was a friend
I had known from my hometown, Willard Powell. I can't
explain how good it made me feel. We talked all night
about old school friends and he told me the next day he
was going home to get married. He was in the Army then
and was due to get out having served his time. But, he
was coming back to join with the USMC and he would be
with me. I looked for him to return and he never came
back..............
A few months later, my Mother wrote me
and sent a newspaper clipping. Willard Powell was on his
way to pick up his girlfriend to go get married and he
was running late. He was driving too fast and had a wreck
and was killed.
That really hurt me because I was
thinking how good it would have been to see him again but
I did not want him to be back in Vietnam..........Didn't
want him to die, either. Now I had lost two childhood
friends, Ted Brown and Willard Powell.
Then I get a letter from my first wife
saying that she wanted a divorce. By now I had given up.
I did not care if I lived or not. I had lost my two
greatest friends and now my wife.
And here I was still in
Vietnam.......hearing of all the protests over
Nam.....And I had no one..........
continued..Journal....
How many mornings did I look around me
when the sun came up and there was always a smell of
death and dead men laying all around me...
This smell of death..... I can not get that smell out of
my nose nor out of my mind..... How do I let go of all my
Brothers that I have lost? How do I understand?
One morning my Sargeant got me up out
of bed and said, "Jimmie, it is your turn to take
the patrol today"! I said, "Why? It is my turn
to do the Road Sweep through CamLo to DaNang".
My Sgt. said, "No, you take your squad on
patrol".
Well, it was supposed to be a short
patrol, but it turned out to be a long one. We were
ambushed and hit hard by mortars. When the mortar fire
ceased, we headed back to base. We were lucky this time
with no one being killed.
Well, when we got back, I went to my
bunker just to find out that the man who went on the Road
Sweep had been killed.
My God had saved me again!
Veteran's Day
Paducah, KY
My first Parade for Vietnam
Veterans.......I had mixed feelings.
I was proud and honored to be asked to participate in
this Parade.....Yet thoughtful of all my Brothers that
were unable to be here to help celebrate today.......They
gave their lives for other Vets to come home and for
America to be free.
Some are handicapped and some are still
fighting the war in their minds...
Yet......Today I was proud, for the first time in 30
years, to hold my head high and ride the DAV Chapter 7
Float in the 1998 Veteran's Day Parade in Paducah, KY.
I shared my ride with another Vietnam Vet, disabled and
totally blind.
He asked me to be his eyes for him and let him know when
to wave, cause he couldn't see if people were there for
him to wave back to....
I did not have to tell him
He could hear all the clapping from the people and hear
their voices saying "Thank you, Vets"!
I told him of the flags waving from everyone's hand, the
smart salutes we were receiving; didn't have to tell him
of their whereabouts for he could hear the yelling and
the "oorahs".
Tears streaming down his cheeks to finally be recognized
for the service he did for his country...
I am glad I was there in order to share
this unique experience, shoulder to shoulder with my
Brothers.
It made me proud that I did not have to tell him to
wave.......That the citizens of our town made their
welcome home known to one and all of us...
I have met many more Brothers during
this parade.
Pictures will soon be available of this Parade. I ask
that my God Bless them all for the rest of their lives.
Love you, My Brothers....
...Head high and shoulders straight....
.....Salute!....
Thank You All!...Jimmie Alexander
the Journal will continue...*g
Thanks For This Computer
If not for this little box, I would
not have met my Brothers John, Dave, Bill, Sisters Lois,
Jausten, Nita, and oh so many more.
I would not have gotten up the strength to go to The Wall
or to try and start a time of my own healing from these
hidden wounds of Vietnam.
And if I lost this little box, I do not
know what I would do!
I never want to be alone again with all my pain and
nightmares...
...The pain of losing all my Brothers....
...the ones who have PTSD; they know of the dreams I
have, the nightmares of Vietnam...
..All we can do is keep the Brotherhood strong like an
oak tree!
I do know that if I lost my Brothers
again, I would not be able to handle it.....I would go
off the deep end.......It is the Brotherhood that keeps
me going on this continuous journey of healing.
Thank you for today***g
Jimmie
GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!! 
It was a good looking day, going to be
a nice day with the sun shining.....It was not raining
and I felt good. (My first thoughts when waking up
today).
Got woke up by Sgt. Richard this
morning telling me that I would have to go on Patrol
today. Sometimes I would do Patrol and other days I would
do the Road Sweeps or blow duds.....We, in my Engineer
squad, took turns in rotating these duties.
Well, I got up and grabbed my
gear.......my C-4 pack, gas mask, and my M-16. I asked
Sgt. Richard who I would be with today and he said to
shutup and go to the gate and they would be there waiting
on me.....
So here I went to the front gate of
Contien.......
And there they were. Boy, I could tell they had been on
manuevers for a long time and they looked mad and tired.
Tired from being in the field, they were mad at having to
wait on me.....I think they were hoping I wouldn't show
up so they wouldn't have to go out again. The Lt. asked
me, "Son, are you ready and then he called me a Boot
and that made me mad as hell because I had already been
in Vietnam now for a year and here this S.O.B. was
calling me a Boot! Well, I was quick to tell him I was
NOT a Boot!
Then he said, "Okay, then let's
get on with this manuever". We weren't expected to
run into enemy fire, all we were going to do was go on
Patrol around Contien and then we were to go up to
KheSanh to make sure the roads were cleared for the
supply vehicles.....Just another mine-sweep again.
We were on the backside facing CamLo
when the "shit hit the fan".....
We had incoming morters and sniper fire from the enemy
and our own side. We were told to "dig in".
(Meaning we would probably be there for the night).
Because of the incoming and the sniper fire, we were told
to hold our position. Well, lucky me.....I slid right on
down into a mortar crater. Sometime later, because it was
only sniper fire now, we were told to shoot only if we
saw where the enemy was......
Well, we could not see where the
snipers were, so we just sat around. There were 3 other
men in the same crater with me and we decided to rotate
watches among ourselves. I volunteered to take the first
watch so the other 3 could catch up on a nap. These guys
had already been out for while and were very tired.
Everything went okay on my watch. Soon,
it became time for the next man to relieve me. So I woke
up my relief. I stayed up awhile with him to see that he
was fully awake and had some coffee. After seeing that he
was awake and alert, I crawled on over to get me some
sleep...If you can call it that, always half-asleep and
half-awake!
Well, next thing I know, I was awakened
by the sun coming up. I noticed at once that two of the
men that were in the crater with us were gone.....Where?
To this day, I don't know, was never told. As I was
taking another look at the Marine that was still with me,
I suddenly realized that he was dead. His throat was laid
open.
I don't know if he was shot in the
throat or if the enemy snuck in and cut his
throat......And if they had done that to him, why did
they not slice my throat also? I could hear the air
coming out of his throat and oh my, there was blood
everywhere.....I was completely horrified at such a
sight......Had already seen death many times over, but
this time it was "in my lap"......This is an
anguish that will never go away!
I was crying so hard I couldn't see a
thing, and all of a sudden Sgt. Richard comes up and
says, "You going to sit there all day? Let's move it
on out NOW"!
He said not one word about the Marine
Brother lying beside me. Just "move it".....So
I did. He said I would have to take the next Patrol.
Didn't mind this a bit seeing that the Patrol I was with
no longer needed me and I sure didn't need Sgt. Richard.
We made it to KheSanh and that is where we parted
paths.....
But this one thing that has stayed with
me till this day...
I cannot understand how a man could just walk away from a
Brother knowing he had just died and act like he was not
even there; even though I was crying for this lost
Brother. "I didn't even know this Brother's
name", I thought, as I reached out to take his dog
tags to turn them in. And Sgt. Richard said leave him,
that someone would take care of him...
Well, I have had nightmares about this
since it happened. Why, if the Viet Cong had snuck in and
cut his throat, did they not also cut mine????
Oh, how callous Sgt. Richard was about
this Brother of ours, to act as though he did not even
see him. How can a Brother be so uncaring about losing
another, was this because it was the only way that he
could handle our situation and what was left of our men;
or was he just cold to the death of another Brother?
After returning to ConTien, they said I
was acting delirous and that I had combat
fatigue.....Well, I did find out right away that I had
Malaria! And they medivaced me to the USS HOPE. I was on
this hospital ship for 2 weeks. I had never even seen a
ship, let alone one of this size. Felt like I was in a
hospital some of the time, and other times, it felt like
I was in this huge shopping mall.
They gave me Quinine to treat the
Malaria. It took care of the Malaria but the far reaching
effects from the Quinine was my getting Tinnitus. I have
a constant ringing in my ears and am now having to wear
hearing aids for both ears......After my stay on the USS
HOPE, I was sent back to DaNang. From there, I was sent
to Malaysia for 2 weeks of R&R given to me due to the
fact that the doctors felt that the first diagnosis of
combat fatigue was still part of my health problems,
along with my having Malaria.
The R&R was great, but that will be
the next entry for my Journal......
This incident that I have shared with
you is just another of my continuing haunting nightmares.
These are the memories that are etched in my mind, all
that I have in my mind about my time served in
Vietnam......And to this day, I pray for this unknown
Brother and his family, especially for the family to know
in their hearts that a Marine who really cared shared
those last moments of life by his Brother's side.....
Stay tuned....Jimmie
Journal entry of Nov. 22nd 1998
R & R
(Rest & Relaxation)
Arrived at Malaysia today. Got me a
room at the motel where the government had already
inspected the meat, LOL.....We were still supposed to pay
for them, though.
Well, I picked out my girl and we went
to the room. Unusual this time, due to the fact that we
just 'talked' to each other. Had just gotten out of the
hospital from Malaria and Combat Fatigue and didn't feel
up to "doing" anything.....All I wanted was
someone to talk with and to listen to me.
This girl took me to her Mom and Dad's
for dinners and she showed me all around to her family
and friends. We spent the entire week just talking with
each other. She said she liked me and wouldn't let me pay
for her time. She enjoyed the talking as well as I.
I called home to let my Mom know I was
on R&R and my step-father teased me about having a
'whore'; he couldn't get over the fact that I didn't use
her that way. (They could hear her in the background
while I was talking to them). She was just a very sweet
girl and she said what got to her about me was my
"tenderness". I wasn't like most of the
Americans who just wanted to use her. Like I said, I just
wanted to have someone to talk to because I was still
recovering from my illness.
I told Mom and Dad that I loved them
and that I would write when I got back to Vietnam.
Enjoyed myself greatly because she gave me a lot of
support and confidence that I was not getting in Nam...
Well, I am back from R&R
When I got back, my Lt. and Platoon
Sgt. asked me how I was feeling and I told them that I
was feeling okay now. They said good, that they needed me
back at Contien. So the next morning, I packed up and
left to go back. I learned then that I would have to be
going back alone. There were no trucks, no patrols, no
nothing going that way. I suppose it had to do with the
fact that I still had that "thousand yard
stare", still jumpy and quick to draw and shoot, no
matter what was there. They felt like since I was an
Engineer and that I would shoot before asking questions,
that I would get there allright.
This scared the hell out of me. To go
all that way back to Contien from Danang, I had to walk
through the villages all along Route 1; not knowing if
there were VC in them or not...
Well, I made it to Contien and found
out that my old bunker had been hit by a mortor and we
had to refill sandbags and redo the top of the bunker. To
beat all hell, I looked up and who did I see but the Sgt.
I had at PhuBai who had smacked me in the head with his
helmet. (This story is told in Brothers Reunited.)
I can not explain the hell he put me
through when he found out I was back in Contien with
him....While I was helping redo the sandbags on the
bunkers, one of the men that was helping said,
"Isn't that the Sgt. that hit you in the head with
his helmet"? I told him it was the same one. He said
the Sgt. had been talking about me while I had been gone
and when I came back he would put me on all the shit
details he could find for me.
I told him that was all right, because
at the rate that he was going I thought he would get
killed by the VC or one of his own men. I didn't know the
Sgt. could hear me because he was inside the bunker.
Well, he did hear me and he came out and told me that the
next patrol that came up, he was going on it and so was I
and I had better watch out! He was going to make sure I
did not come back. I told him I was going to report him
and he said, "Go ahead, but you'll be dead before
the report goes through". I got on the radio and
reported him and he was called back to Danang. Didn't see
him anymore while I was in Vietnam.
Thirty years later, I would find out
that this same Sgt. was placed in Western State Mental
Hospital in Hopkinsville, KY. I talked with him there
about 3 years ago. He knew me the minute he laid eyes on
me.....
All he could remember was my name, that
I had served under him, and he wanted to shake my hand
and thank me.......And yes, I let bygones go then.
Perhaps Nam had already gotten the best of this man
before I had even served under him in Vietnam.
Not being 17 anymore, and having
already gone through 30 years of horrible hurt and
heartache, I could see that he was suffering the same as
we all have. Sgt. Bob recognized me by my
eyes.........That "thousand yard stare" that we
brothers seem to carry with us wherever we go.........As
life goes on, I can tell you that Brother Bob will never
be the same. He will have a permanent home in this
institution because of his war wounds (ones you can't see
just by looking at him). I am sorry Brother Bob, for what
Vietnam has cost you. With something like this, there has
to be forgiveness.....
Jimmie's
Thoughts
As I sit here with my wife, we are
printing out some of our work on our Homepage; I am
reading some of what we have written. It brings back some
of the memories of the days I spent in Vietnam.
It still hurts me to remember the days
of hell that I spent in Nam. I cannot explain the hurt
that is still inside me. If only God could take away this
pain! But now, I see that I will have to live with all
the pain and guilt inside me. I can share what I have
been through with everyone, but the pain and guilt remain
forever......
If I could just take back some of the
pain all my "Brothers-in-Arms" have endured, if
they could forgive me for not helping them and for not
being there when they needed someone to be there for
them.........And now, because of all this pain I feel
inside me, I have put my entire family through hell. None
of this was their fault...
BUT I can not stop taking my anger and
guilt out on them....
I think all the time that I wish I had
died over there in Vietnam...The wife I love and the sons
and daughter we had would not be here to have to deal
with all my pain and guilt...
But now, into my life, has come the
Brotherhood once again; perhaps to further my healing
over Vietnam.....to allow me to have an insight on how to
deal with all these feelings.......to accept what was
then and how it has to be now......
What bothers me most now is the thought
of having to rely upon this computer to reach out to my
new friends. Without this computer, I know that my life
would be hopeless. I am afraid that someday I will lose
them once again and if that happens; I don't know what I
would do with myself.....
Not only have I lost my oldest son,
James, but I have lost all self-respect for myself. Most
times I do not care what happens to me ; I care about my
wife, Wanda, my son, Jimmie Jr., and my daughter,
Michelle........although I know that this love is not
fully returned to me because of the way I have handled
situations in the past......,PTSD is my personal
demon.........
I love all the Brothers of Vietnam that
I have met on this computer and with all my heart, I am
sure they return this love just as much. There are so
many that to name them, I would probably leave someone
out, and that is not my intention. They know who they are
and what they mean to me!
I know that some who read this will
think I am just crazy, but; this is true......When I go
to my God.......I will remember you ALL!
James Fife
LOST
AND FOUND
Received
this letter April 23, 1999 from James Fife...
I've
just gotten into the 20th Century with the net and I ran
into your name. I was in your Platoon in boot camp. Like
everything, I vaguely remember you, Jimmie. Glad to see
you are out there and doing well.
I've
only run into several jar heads from my company so far.
After boot camp I was attached as 1371, was a tunnel rat
with D Co. 11th Eng. Bat. rear area. Was at DongHa but
also was at Contien, KheSanh, c1, c2, and c3, rockpile,
the strip, and Cambodia.
We must
have just passed each other at these locations. I ran
into our DI....Sommers...once at Contien with Carlos
Hathcock, but no one else. Have you heard from anyone
else?
My
Reply
Well,
here we are facing the New Millineum....It's been over 30
years since I saw the last of Vietnam. Up till now, I did
not know if some of my Brothers were alive or not.
Lonewolf and I got our computer about a year ago and the
first thing she did was to look up names on The Wall.
These
were the first Brothers I found! Such help we have
received from people we have met on the internet.....Many
promised to put information about me on Bulletin
Boards.....Didn't think much of it till the letters
started coming in. If not for the help of my Brothers and
Sisters on the internet, I would not have known.....About
the ones we lost and the ones who are still looking.
I am
especially grateful for the Bulletin Board at the 1/9
Bunker. They are the ones responsible for making this
connection with James Fife. We were in Boot Camp at Paris
Island and went through Vietnam together. Strangers
passing in the night, you might say! Thank God we
Brothers are finally finding one another! At least now
I'm being shown the chance is still out there, I have
many Brothers from Nam here with me now.
I have
prayed since the day I returned home that somehow I would
find these Brothers still here in this world with me. I
want to thank all the Brothers and Sisters who have
helped me find my way back home. God willing I will find
more of the Brothers of Platoon 2004 from PI and those in
Vietnam with me. God bless all my brothers and Welcome
Home!
And most
of all, thank you, James Fife, a friend and Brother.
Here's hoping that you will find more of our Brothers.
Here is a list of some I am still searching for. They
were all from Platoon 2004...Sept67 Graduation.
S/Sgt.
D.W. Sommers "F" "D" Hubbard
S/Sgt
R. G. Bledsoe Michael A. McGahee
S/Sgt.
R. L. Reynolds Myron D. Mahan, Jr.
Michael
J. Stearns
WELCOME
HOME BROTHERS.....
And......GOD
Bless the USA!
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