Commander’s Call
It is with the greatest concern that I am
corresponding in the Y2K version of The
Sandpaper. Contrary to whatever
rumors you may have heard; aliens, Bedouins, or Task Force soldiers have not
abducted the company. I have also been
told that the 1SG has survived “Harley” withdrawals while others have-not. Rumor has it that one individual in the
company rides his ironing board at night in an attempt to cure his addiction. The sounds are terrifying.
However, it has been noted that many of
the soldiers have been acting extremely peculiar as of late. Never before have I witnessed such bizarre
acts as “Great Dumpster Diving” by Senior NCOs or the aerobic conditioning of
the few, proud and athletically challenged. These facts, coupled with the
mysterious loss of weight experienced by some, the loss of memory and eyesight
of others while trying to recognize simple numbers (110 vs. 220), and the
inexplicable crushing defeat of today’s youth on the volleyball court
definitely lead me to believe there are forces affecting us beyond our control.
What could cause such travails? Could
it be Ramadan? Perhaps it is the lunar cycle.
Perhaps it is destiny. Perhaps
it is Y2K. Perhaps it is just too many
perhaps; who really knows?
You can know that as the Commander of
this unit that I will do everything in my power to save each and every soldier
from such continued episodes of lunacy.
If we return unscathed, I will fight until my dying breath to ensure
that each and every soldier is nominated for the distinctive and individually
awarded medal shown below.
“What a waste it is
to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a
mind is being very wasteful. How true
that is.”
-- Dan Quayle--
Respectfully,
CPT Buckley (One of the
athletically challenged)
Notes from the troops.
I wish I had time to come up with something genuine and witty. However, Cpt and Top are slave drivers and said to me that (threatened me) I will see nothing but coal on Christmas Day. Joke is on them, there is no coal in Kuwait. All the soldiers are doing well, the mission continues to be interesting and diversified and a nice Christmas is being planned to bring as much warmth and love as possible. To all the spouses: I will, upon written request give your wives and husbands kisses under the mistletoe for you. Request must arrive before 24 Dec 99. When feeling down... Look up where neither lark nor even eagle flew, beyond the untresspassed sanctity of space, put out your hand and touch the face of God. Count your blessings along with the days and you will find that you have as many blessing as there are days left till we return. Upon return I should weigh 388lbs and I seem to be doing very well toward my goal. Since I don't like the chow hall, I just eat 4 pizzas for breakfast, 4 for lunch, and four for dinner. Life couldn’t be better, good soldiers, good mission, good camel races, and a Harley in my room that is hotter than a used ironing board. With sincere wishes... Merry X-mass, Happy 2000.
-SFC Galinaitis
Don’t forget Elvis’
Birthday next month. Do something to
celebrate it; watch one of his movies, buy a CD, or just grow some
sideburns. Thank you, Thank you very
much.
-SFC Tewhill
Dear, Darlene I finally found out what the room by the kitchen is for and I don’t want no part of it. /I don’t know why you separate the piles, all my clothes fit in one load.
-SSG Smith
Felipe's/Taco's/ Gil's Corner (no, not on
the block either):
To my wife, I want to send my sincerest love and affection and thought in this special time of the year. I know that it's hard Hon, but through our trials and tribulations we grow ever stronger in our love and friendship that will carry us through the life we choose to live. Tigger and Wilbur (those are my dogs for those that didn't know), you two be good and stop eating the candy!!
To all, appreciate what you have and
you will never be without. Live and let
live and love and let love thus, ensuring a better place for our children (well
we plan on having some, sometime right Hon?).
Enjoy this festive time, for we never know what tomorrow may bring. Two
final words" Carpe Diem"
Merry Christmas all, and to all a good...night day afternoon? You pick!
Well not much has happened since
our last edition of Sand Paper. The
task force has left leaving the dumpsters empty and a bunch of Pakistanis
disappointed. If you ask me trading
dumpsters full of loot for real plates in the chow hall was worth it.
We write home and tell you how
boring having phones and being the
“non-duty” team is. There really
isn’t a word in the English dictionary to describe it. To help you better understand what we go
through watch water drip for 24hrs.
This should give you a much better understanding.
Incase you’re wondering what
happened in the Old vs. Young volleyball game upset – let me explain. Most people were expecting a quick and easy
defeat. What they didn’t know was that
during Ramadan it is a 100KD fine for pummeling Geriatrics in public. After 1 JAN 00 not even a fresh shipment of
Ben-Gay and fiber from the states will save them from this group of young
studs.
Hugs and kisses to my wife and
son. Happy 24th Birthday
baby. You’re catching up to me. Oh and don’t worry the medic said the rash
should be gone by May.
-SGT Richter
Quotes from the Teams
Why do Men in Black (MIB’s) with two stars and one crown
always mess with me at the Southern Demo Range?
Maybe because I wear a Cincinnati Reds hat, or is it because
of an Ammo Supply Point filled with Guided Missiles.
-1SG
Ehman
SSG Gazzara: Do you
know how heavy this MK82 (500 lb) bomb is?
SFC Tewhill: Yes,
500 pounds.
Radio Transmission 23DEC99
SSG Gazzara: What
are your coordinates so that I can meet you?
Task Force: In the
Kabal.
Long Pause……..
Task Force: Did you
copy my last transmission EOD-12?
SSG Gazzara: I was
just contemplating the size of the Kabal (4000 square meters)
Tales from the Teams
On December 19, CPT Buckley’s computer was spotted with
Power Point on the screen.
On the 12th day in country, we succumbed to
playing “The Price is Right” for demolition material using the supply database
for prices.
On December 20, 1999 we were treated to real knives and
forks as well as genuine plastic plates at the chow hall.
On 21 December, SSG Roberson observed SPC Roy running at approximately mach 3.2. This increase of adrenaline resulted from her meeting with a mouse on her boot. This also explains the scream heard 3 rooms away.
Tales of Team 4: (or at least
observations)
There is nothing to report really, ummm it's boring when you have response, but I guess that is a good thing. Computers never ever do what you want it you to do, when you want it to do it. Also beware of the shorthaired duck in butt sounding wampum (the short haired Goodman). The Beautiful aroma outside the chow hall is to die for, once you are done eating, you can see what it looks and smells like inside of you. The Kuwaitis haven't a clue where sewage is supposed to go. Oh and the whole country seems to be one big parking lot. If you think that people in Dayton can't drive you wouldn't believe what they do here. The females in their ninja outfits can't seem to remember that those veils do obscure vision and can cause them to get hit by a tractor trailer truck thereby sending them to Allah that much quicker. The men are equally as confused about safe driving techniques. Sheep wander wherever they want despite an explosive setup in the works. The language isn't too difficult to learn you just have to be able to constantly be able to speak in a guttural induced tone. The sun seems to always be in a hurry to set and early to rise, before you know it's up and down and then you are freezing!! Another thing is that PFC. soon to be SPC. Granger is always in a state of withdrawal from food. He just eats and eats and is never full. Every time I think that we have it bad, I look at the way the task force live and become very thankful and appreciative. Well that's all for now may you all have a merry Christmas as much as possible and realize that even apart from our loved ones we are together in spirit and bonded through the love shared amongst ourselves in this time of goodwill and peace (or is it peace and goodwill?).
Lessons Learned in Kuwait
“Life without home cooking”
-Everyone
with a home
It is possible to command a unit without Power Point.
-CPT
Buckley
One alarm clock is not always enough.
-SFC
Galinaitis
Bring TWO spare batteries for your GPS.
-SFC
Tewhill
Odometers in Kuwait measure in kilometers, not miles.
SSG
Elmore
BBQ grill brushes can be used to brush suede desert boots.
-SSG
Gazzara
Do not, repeat DO NOT plug a 110-volt computer into a
220-volt socket.
When the Wampum (the
short haired Goodman), dances, it pours.
There is a lot of
sand here and it gets into everything.
-SGT
Fernandez
Do not stand near two Kuwaiti electricians working with 220
volts.
-SGT
Richter
Do not feed MRE pound cake to a dung beetle.
-SPC
Roy
Sports with SSG
Smith
There have been two big events in the 731st
. First was the old vs. the young
volleyball game the old people won 4 out of 5 games I was very upset by these
events because I hate to lose especially to old geriatrics. The second was a
football game in which we picked teams at random M.V.P.s were as follows SSG
Smith and that’s it I scored 4 of my teams 5 touchdowns and I’m writing the
sports column other notables where SSG Elmore For getting hurt every other play
and staying in the game, SSG Goodman for not quitting after I yelled at him for
throwing an interception. The Captain is good but old. It was fun to blow by
him for a touchdown. The poor sport award goes to SGT Richter for yelling at
his teammates. We are especially proud of SGT Fernandez for not kicking any
body while playing football. This has been your sports with SSG Smith (MVP).
Awards and
Decorations
There were several awards given out his week the reward
recipients are as follows:
SSG Goodman received the
Solo award for taking off to chow
and leaving his comrades SSG Smith, and SGT Richter to fend
for themselves and get the truck ready for the days operation.
The Torsonian Service Medal was given to SGT Richter for
having a giant Torso. These are fine soldiers and their families should be
proud. SSG Smith was given the poor sportsman award for being on the losing
volleyball team it was the over 30 vs. under 30 he claims it was because his
team was to young and would not listen to him because he is wise beyond his
years.
Weather Forecast
We will have continued warm weather and daylight with occasional
darkness.
It does rain in the desert.
Phone Calls
SSG Goodman was successful in his mission to get a phone in
the barracks dayroom. The number for
that phone is 318-438-2744. It has been tested by SGT Richter and worked
fine. According to SGT Hart, this phone
can receive calls from the states.
731st EOD at WPAFB, Ohio
We would like to
thank the backstop crew at Wright-Patt for all the things they have done and
will continue to do.
731st EOD Web Page
SSG Elmore has
completed the unit web page. This page
will continue to grow with pictures and articles. The address is www.geocities.com/elmoeod
