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He turned around, parked and walked up to the farmer saying "Hey there old timer have I got a good idea for you". The farmer asked him what it was and the Expert continued, "Just put the pig on the ground, get a stick, knock the apples to the ground and let the pig eat them there. It sure will save a lot of time."
The old farmer thought about this while he moved his pig to another apple and finally said "Aw shucks, mister, what's time to a pig?"
The man starts "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. About year ago my house caught on fire at night. This pig broke out of his pen, came into the house, dragged my two littlest children to saftey, woke me and my wife and then guided us out of the house. This pig saved my life and my family's lives." The bartender, impressed but still wondering about the leg, asks "Well, that's great. But why does he have a wooden leg?" The man says "For another beer I'll tell you about this very special pig." The bartender, hooked, gives him another beer.
The man says "Out behind my house is a small lake. I was out sailing on it when the boat capsized. I cracked my head on the boom and couldn't swim. This pig broke out of his pen, swam out to me and dragged me to shore. He then went into the house and got my wife to come out. She gave me mouth-to-mouth resusitation. This pig saved my life." The bartender, fascinated but getting a little impatient, asks "That's really terrific, but why the wooden leg?" The man says "For another beer...." The bartender gives him another beer.
The man says "Let me tell you about this pig. He is one special pig. Last week during a tornado I was on my way to the basement when I stepped onto a rake and knocked myself out. This pig broke out of his pen and dragged me into the basement. He saved my life." The bartender, figuring this has got to be the last story, says,"Wow, that *is* one special pig. He saved you from a fire, a tornado and from drowning. But why does he have a wooden leg?"
The man says "Well sir, when you have a pig this special you just can't eat all of it at once."
The farmers lived sixty miles away from each other so they agreed to each drive thirty miles, and find a field in which to mate their pigs.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5:00 am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had left, and drove the thirty miles.
While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they're pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not."
The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.
The following morning, MUD again!! This continued all week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called his wife and said, "Honey, look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!"
 Breeds 1 |
Chow |
Fences |
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Humor 1 |
Humor 2 |
Nose |
Pets 1 |
| Sleeping |
Snow |
Spa |
Links 1 |
| Awards 1 |
Awards 2 |
Webrings 1 |
Webrings 2 |