JUST FOR FUN!!
BET YOU CAN'T OWN JUST ONE!
Why own a dog? There's danger you know
You can't own just one, the craving will grow
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.
One dog is so funny, and two are no trouble
The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey
The fifth's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a house full with ease.
So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy, but Lord, the hair.
With dogs on the sofa, and dogs on the bed
, And crates in the kitchen, It's no bother, you've said,
They're really no trouble, their manners are great
What's just one more dog, and one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture is dusty,
The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few nose prints, and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom,
There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny,
The vet, the food bills grow larger, you owe money,
Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other dog folks, who live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew,
There's dog food and vitamins, and training and shots,
And entries and motels which cost lots
Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then your favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap,
His look says your special, and you know that you will
Keep all of the critters, in spite of the bill.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
How to Take a Picture of Your New Puppy ...
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess
. 18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
Dog Haiku
I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be
. Today I sniffed
Many dog butts--I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paperboy--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush . Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep.
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.
I Hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot--no greater bliss--well,
Maybe catching rats.
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.
The cat is not all
Bad--she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.
Dig under fence--why?
Because it's there. Because it's there.
Because it's there.
I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
You may call them fleas,
But they are far more--I call
Them a vocation.
My owners' mood is
Romantic--I lie near their feet.
I fart a big one.
GOOD PUP PIE
Take 1 puppy dog, roll and play with it until slightly pampered, and
add the following ingredients:
1 cup patience
1 cup understanding
1 pinch correction
1 cup hard work
2 cups praise
1 1/2 cups fun
Blend well. Heat with the warmth of the heart until the consistency is such that dog and handler are one.
FUN LINKS