Speaka Dah Lingo
Learn to speak propper like wot I does
This was actually snaffled from another site so I wont take credit for it. Can I remember what the site was?, shit no!
aardvark v. US. To Shag;
bonk; go horizontal jogging.
ACAB All coppers are bastards.
Popular forehead tattoo.
Admiral Browning n.
Chocolate log; that which sinks the Bismarck.
air biscuit n. Fart; botty burp.
As in "Has somebody launched an air biscuit?"
almond flakes See Mammary
Dandruff.
Aphrodite's Evostick n.
Semen; human bonding fluid.
Arsecons n.Of information technology, those computer keyboard symbols
used illustratively to indicate the condition of an arse
e.g. (_!_) Normal arse; (__!__) Lard arse; (!) Tight arse; (_*_) Sore arse;
(_o_) Slack arse etc.
Arse-grapes n. Descriptive term for Nobbies(qv);
Haemorrhoids.
Arsenal are at home euph.
Nick Hornsby's bird is chasing the cotton
mouse; Has the painters in, etc.
Arsenal can be relpaced with any sports team that plays in red.
articulate the archdeacon SeeBash
the bishop.
ass n. US. That part of the body, the whooping of which indicates a
comprehensive victory,
and of which the invitation to kiss is often made rhetorically.
assets n. Of british tabloid journalism, a girls breasts.See also charms
aunty's round euph.girl-speak. Avisit which, not unlike having the painters in can
affect a girl's social life.
As in "Sorry love, not today. Aunty's round. But I can play tennis if you
like."
awaken the bacon v.
Sexually arouse the male; stimulate the penis; polish the
pork sword.
Aztec two-step n. Diarrhoea dance along the lines of the Tijuana
Cha-cha
baby gravy euph. Semen;
smegma. Also baby bullion.
back door conquistador. n
An ombre who wears a coco sombrero
back wheels n. Bollocks; balls. As in "What a gob, She
even managed to get me back wheels in."
bacon bazooka n. Penis; pork sword; the pink
oboe
bag ladies period sim.
Foul tasting. As in "Don't buy Mrs Timkins home made jam vicar I've tasted
nicer bag ladies period."
bahookie n. scot. Arse
bald man n. The penis; Kojak; Captain
Pickard. also the old man.
ball v To bonk; nob; bang; shag.
balloon knot n. Ringpiece; chocolate
starfish.
balls 1.n Testicles; those spherical
spunk factories on the Scrots Road Industrial Estate.
2. n. courage; guts. As in "I
like him he's got balls."
3. exclaim. Denial. As in "Has he
balls got balls!"
4. n. Rubbish; nonsense. As in
"Balls! Of course he's got balls".
5. n. Round things you play football
with.
banana hammock n. Skimpy undercrackers or swimming
trunks. The male equivalent of genital floss.
Barclays rhym. slang Wank; J Arthur Rank From Barclays
Bank.
bargain bucket n. An over-employed and over-stretched fanny; welly
top.
bash-the-bishop v. To masturbate; burp the worm; toss;
bank with Barclays
bastard n. A football referee.
Baywatch-athalonsport
Not unlike the triathalon except to acheive
victory in this sport you must finish your wank, go into the kitchen to get a
beer, make a sandwich and get back to the sofa to watch the sencond half of
Baywatch. see Pamela
Anderson Salute
Bean flicker n. Lesbian
beard n. A woman married to a gay man in order to conceal his
homosexuality.
As in: "Do you reckon that Sophie's a beard then, or what?" See alsowhiff
of lavender.
Bearded clam Aus. Vagina; fanny. as in "how did you get
on bruce? Did you spear the bearded clam?"
Bear trappers hat n.
Hairy front bottom. As in "She had a fanny like a bear trappers hat"
Beat-the-meat v. To avail oneself of a ham shank; perform the five
knuckle shuffle.
Beaver n 1. US female pubic hair. 2. Fanny; the female
genitals in general.
bed flute n. Wind instrument closely related to the pink
oboe.
beef bayonet n. Penis; cock; pork sword;
love torpedo.
Beef curtains n. Of female genitalia, those folds of skin known as the labia
minora, or small lips. or indeed piss flaps.
beer goggles n. Imaginary optical aids through which ugly women begin to apperar
attractive after you have drunk too much beer. as in "What? You fancy that
!?! you must be wearing beer goggles".
beetle bonnet n. Female pubic mound as viewed through tight pants, or when
shaven.
From the design of the classic vw car.
bell n. Clitoris. As in "you can ring my be-e-ll, ring my bell, ding
dong, ding dong."
belly flopper n A clumsy brown trout whose graceless
entry into the water causes splashing of the arse.
big cock day n. A day, Quite possibly in the spring, the arrival of which is
greeted with the dawn
horn
and throughout which the sap continues to rise. For example 'As he wrestled
himself into his shreddies, d'arcy knew it was going to be a big cock day'.
(Pride and prejudice by Jane Austen).
Billy Mill roundabout n.
The climactic point of masturbation. From the A1058 Coast Road in Newcastle.
e.g.
"My mum walked in just as I was coming up to the Billy Mill
roundabout". See also vinegar
strokes
Bimboid adj. Apertaining to Joanne Guest / Pamela Lee Anderson.
Blow job n. Dangerous sex act whereby the female inflates the male's
testicles by blowing air into his penis.
Blue veined piccolo. n.
Penis; cock. Also blue veined custard chucker.
botty burp n. a noxious expulsion of anal gasses; a fart
Bourbon.n. Fancy 'licker'. Someone who is good at horatio.
Bowling from the Pavilion end euph.Homosexual
act
box of assorted-creamsAus.
n. A sexually promiscuous female, as in:
"Watch yourself there Bruce, that one's a right Box of Assorted
Creams".
brim n. The skirting around the base of one's helmet.
Brown eye n. The ring
through which the brown
trout jumps on their journey down the pan.
brown pipe engineer n.
A plumber who comes in the tradesman's
entrance.
Brown trout n. A Turd; big job; shite.
build a log cabin euph.
To pass an enormous, solid stool. As in: 'I wouldn't go in there mate Someone's
just built a log cabin"
bulldog eating porridge euph.
The vagina in the aftermath of sex. As in "She had a fanny like a bulldog
eating porridge".
Earliest recorded use from Shakespeare’s Henry IV. "And lo, I see my
ladies' bulldog hath been eating porridge again".
Burp the worm v. See Bash
the bishop.
cable laying euph. To
excrete solid stools. As opposed to crop
spraying.
Cattle rhym. slang Cattle truck - Fuck. Also trolley (and truck),
Friar (Tuck) or Russian (Duck).
camel's foot n. Of leggings and tight jeans, those folds generate in a ladies
crotch
when they an pulled up too tightly. See also Twix lips.
chapel hat pegs sim. To describe large, erect nipples. As in: 'Phoarr! She had
nipples like chapel hat pegs'.
Also pygmies' cocks; Scammel wheel nuts.
charms n. In British tabloid journalism, the breasts. Usually prefixed by
"ample". see also
assets
chase the cotton mousev.
To have the painters in; Flags out; Surf the crimson wave.
chocolate log n. often confused with the Loch Mess monster.
chocolate starfish
n. See Balloon knot
Chocolate shark n. Unlike it's relative the brown
trout, the appearance of this giant
beast from the bumhole often causes panic among toilet go-ers.
Choke the chiken/goose. See Bash
the bishop or burp
the worm.
Clitoris n. Mythical creature no man has ever encountered except by
accident, believed to be a type of rodent.
Cock 1. n. Penis; willy; knob.
2. n. A person to whom a chirpy
cockney wishes to speak, esp. when prefixed by "wotcha...."
3. n. A sort of chicken.
Cock smoker n. A lady who plays horatio
on the Trouser trombone/ trumpet.
coco sombrero n. Mexican variation on the brown hat.
Copper bolt n. Very heavy or solid stool.
costume drama n. The frantic behaviour of a woman who cannot decide what to wear
for a party.
crapper n. Lavatory. From the German inventor of the self-cleaning water
closet, Thomas Shitehousen.
crop spraying euph. To have diarrhoea. As opposed to cable laying. For example, a doctor may
enquire:
"So; how's your old Gary
Glitter? Have you been cable laying or crop spraying"
Crotch crickets n. Crabs.
crowd pleaser n. Unusual or noteworthy stool which you feel an urge to show to
someone before you flush. Possibly a U-blockeror
a copper bolt.
Cumulo nimbus n. the posh latin name for oral sex.; Stimulation of the clematis.
Curl one off v. to carefully deliver a stool.
Curler n. A lump of excrement having been curled off.
Curtain rings n. Pierced labia see beef
curtains.
dancing with the captain
v.
specifically the hand jive, Roman helmet
rhumba, Bologna bop or five
knuckle shuffle.
dangleberries n. Winnets; excrement adhering to the hairs
around a badly wiped bottom.
Dawn horn n. Early morning tent pole; awake with a Jake. Sometimes appearing
after breakfast,
at the bus stop for example.
Difficult brown n. Irish,
Greek, as in "I'd rather take the easy pink than the difficult
brown".
Dockers thumbs sim. Large, erect nipples. As in "She had nipples like dockers
thumbs".
see also chapel
hat pegs; scammel wheel nuts; pygmies
cocks.
dog eggs n. Dog turd, often 'laid' on the pavement.
Donald rhym. slang. Fuck. From Donald Duck
drive the porcelain busv.
A kneel-down visit to the lavatoryduring which one holds the rim
(like a steering wheel) and does some psychadelic
yodeling.
drop a pebble v. To erroneously emit a small body of faeces whilst attempting to
break wind. See alsofollow
through.
Eartha Kitts rhym. slang
Shits; diarrhoea. Also Brad Pitts, Thruppeny
bits
egg bound adj. Blocked of the fudge pipe; constipated.
Empty the anaconda
v. To syphon the python.
ESD v. Eat Shitty
Dick. To smoke a pink cigar fresh from kak canyon.
Can be used as an insult in the suggestive form e.g. "Eat Shitty Dick,
Fuck-face"
exercise the ferret v.
To copulate; bury the bishop (as opposed tobashing
the bishop)
fairy hammock n. Panties.
family jewels n. Knackers; male genitalia.
fanny n. 1.UK Minge; female
genitals. 2. US Arse; backside.
fanny batter n. Crusty residue found on hairy
pie.
fanny bomb n. Moment of sexual fulfilment in a woman; female orgasm. as in
"I think the fanny bomb just went off".
fanny flange n. Clitoris.
fanny fright n. Nervous condition affecting some macho men who suddenly become
reluctant
to have sex when presented with the opportunity.
farmers rhym. slang Piles. From Farmer Giles.
fart v. To make an anal announcement; the diction of friction caused by a
passage of foul air through vibrating buttocks.
fart sack n. Bed; scratcher. As in "Come on love lets hit the fart
sack".
feather spitter n. Pillow biter who has bitten the pillow too hard or too often.
feeding the ducks v.
To wank. From an apparent similarity in the hand movements
involved.
Feeding the pony v. Also to wank. But I've never seen a pony fed
like that.
fill your boots v. Get your oats.
firing blanks v. Post-snip ejaculation. As in "You can put the ticklers away
love, I'm firing blanks"
fish mitten n. Hairy pie; captain's pie;
haddock pastie.
Friday supper equivalent to lab
kebabs or vertical
bacon sandwiches.
fish supper euph. Carnival knowledge to which a husband is entitled at the end
of the day.
fist magnet. n. Someone who attracts fists to the face.
fist rape v. Taking advantage of your fist after inviting it back to your
place for a coffee
and a flick through a dirty magazine.
five finger spread n.
Highly counter-productive attempt to suppress a vomit with the hand.
five knuckle shuffle v.
One-handed work-out to a Cindy Crawford video.
flags are out adj. Wet paint warning; fixture list shows Arsenal are playing at home.
flange n. Muff; beaver;minge.
flash the upright grinv.
To expose the female genitals; flash the gash.
fnarr fnarr! exclaim. Supressed childish exclaimation of amusement uttered after
a double enterndre.
follow through v. To accidentally soil ones underpants whilst attempting to fart.
French n. Popular coital position whereby the man sits astride a bicycle
selling onions while the woman
perches on the handlebars and inflates his testicles.
Friar Tuck see Donald Duck
fuck 1. v. To have it off; Shag. 2. v.
To have someone oot; chin.
3. v. To break; damage something
beyond repair.
4. v. To dismiss with contempt e.g.
"Fuck that for a game of soldiers".
5. interj. Exclaimation of surprise or
disappointment.
See cattle or Donaldfor
polite alternatives.
fucker n. An individual; person. Often prefixed "Big fat".
Gadzooks! exclaim.
Corruption of 'God's hooks' (a reference to the nails used in the crucifixion).
Once a high ranking swear word but now safe to use, even in front of the vicar.
galloping knob rot n.
VD; any painful social disease resulting in the pissing of metaphorical tin
tacks.
gang bang n. A bike ride on which a group of males share one bicycle between
them.
Gary Glitter rhym. slang Shitter. Also council gritter.
gash 1. n. Vulva 2. n. Plural of
females; totty; blit; bush; talent..
gazunda n. Potty; chamber pot. (Gazunder
the bed).
genital floss n. Skimpy bikini bottom. See also banana hammock.
get a click v. To score; pull; tap off, with a view to getting boots.
get boots v. US toget
it on; get your end away.
get it on v. To get off, get it up and get
your oats.
get it up v. A significant part of getting your
end away after getting
off.
get off teenage v. Get a click; first step
towards getting
your oats.
get up them stairs v.
The cry from a chauvanist male to his wife which indicates that he has finished
eating,
drinking and watching footbal, and now wishes to retire to the bedroom
to make an ungainly an flatulent attempt at sexual intercourse before falling
asleep.
Get your oats See get
your end away
Get your end away
Seeget it on
ghost shit n. Stool or dump of which there is no trace when you stand up and
turn round to admire it.
Compare crowd
pleaser.
give the dog a bone v.
To sexually satisfy a female. Also give the cat a goldfish.
Glory wipe. n. The token arse wipe required after passing one of those rare but
pleasant stools which slip out clean as a whistle leaving hardly a trace of Eartha
Kitt around the balloon
knot. Compare ghost
shit, crowd
pleaser.
gob job See blow job
gobble n. Noise made by turkeys.
going down n. What a bird does on you prior to giving you head.
golden shower euph. A vile sex act; unfortunate mix-up in a crowded German
bathroom.
goolies n. The colloquialism for testicles least likely to offend a vicar or
grandparent.
gorblimey n. A type of trousers popular among council tenants in the 1950's
grin like a wanking Jap sim.
To grin broadly, as a Nissan executive might do as he turned
(even more)
Japanese as he neared the vinegar
strokes on his approach to the Billy Mill
roundabout (qv).
grow a tail v. To defecate; build a log cabin
guff v. To fart; let off.
guff cloud n. The noxious vapour produced by guffing.
gusset typist euph. A woman who masturbates.
gusset nuzzler euph. Lesbian.
haddock pastie See hairy
cheque book.
hairy cheque book See
hairy cup.
hairy cup See hairy doughnut.
hairy doughnut Seehairy
goblet.
hairy goblet See hairy
lasso.
hairy lasso See hairy pie.
hairy pie n. A
kipper; Velcro
triangle
half leapfrog v. To have sex in the
doggie position.
hamburger shot n. A rear view in a pornographic magazine in which the beef
curtains are visible.
ham shank rhym. slang for a Barclays
hand shandy v. sex with the one person who truly loves you, wank
happy lamp n. Sixth gear stick. As in: "I'm homy. Think I'll give my happy
lamp a quick buff.
happy sack euph. Scrotum; scrots; nads.
heave a Havana polite euph. Take a dump
Herbie's bonnet SeeBeetle
bonnet.
hide the salami euph. A game for two players, one sausage and a hairy
pie
honey altar n. See honey pot.
honey pot See hairy
cheque book.
horatio n. Posh Latin term used by doctors for oral sex on a man.
horizontal jogging euph.
Sexual intercourse.
hump v. 1. To shag; have sex with. 2. To carry heavy
amplification equipment to and from a live music venue.
hungry arse n. The condition afflicting women in tight jeans whereby a crease
in their pants appears to
disappear up the crack of their arse.
I.B.M.
abbr.
Itty bitty meat. A small penis.
Iggy Pop shot n. To "whack off
over a TV's ass because it would be a pity to waste it".
Irish shave n. A dump.
Irish toothache n. An erection; bone. As in: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or
have you just got Irish toothache?"
I say! Interj. Expression of joy upon seeing an attractive woman. Attr.
Terry Thomas.
I.R.S. abbr. Itchy
Ring Syndrome. Irritating anal affliction caused by insufficient wiping
of
the chocolate
starfish, or inflammation of the farmers.
jack off v.
To
choke the chicken
jacked up adj. To be celibate
whilst suffering from a venereal disease.
jam rag n. Tampon.
Japanese flag n. The appearance of the arsehole the morning after a vindaloo
curry.
As in: "Christ almighty! I think I'm sitting on a Japanese flag".
Jap's eye n. Male urethral opening.
J. Arthur rhym. slang Masturbation. From J. Arthur Rank -wank.
For example, while watching blue movies Jonathan Ross might say:
"Phwwoar! What I weally want wight now is a quick J. Arthur".
jazz mag n. A printed volume of pornographic material; a journal of
gentleman's interest.
jelly water mangoes euph.
Large knockers.
Jemima suit n. A tight fitting costume worn by fetishists with strategically
positioned openings over the erogenous zones.
Jenny US n. Fadge; minge.
Jimmy Riddle rhym. slang Vicar friendly term for a piddle.
jism n. Semen. Also gism.
jittler n. Helmet cheese.
jizz abbr. Jism v. To ejaculate.
jizzbags n. The scrotum; John Wayne's hairy saddlebags.
job n. A Richard.
jobby Scotch variation Job.
jobby jouster n. A lunchbox
lancer who jousts with another man's jobs.
Jodrell rhym. slang J.
Arthur (qv). From Jodrell Bank, the Knuts...
fnarr fnarr! ... ford space research laboratory.
Johnny See rubber Johnny.
John Thomas n. The pet name by which Lady Chatterley's lover (on the level
gardener Mellor) famously
referred to his pink hoe, in the famous saucy book.
John Wayne's hairy saddlebagsn
The scrotal sack, but only if you are not a poof.
joombye (joom-bee) Scotch
n. jism.
jubblies n. Breasts; pink
pouffes.
jugs euph. Bosoms. As in: 'Pardon me madam, I was just admiring your
lovely pair of jugs"
kahoonas n. Large
wobbly breasts; golden bodangers ; kermungers; gert stonkers
kak n. Shit. From Wales.
kakpipe cosmonaut
n. One who prefers to dock with the rear unloading bay.
kangaroo shagging a space hopper sim.
Sexually energetic; promiscuous.
As in "Phwoarr! She goes like a kangaroo shagging a space hopper".
keech n. Crap; kak.
keister n. kak hole; arse.
khaki buttonhole See chocolate
starfish.
Khyber posh rhym. slang Anus. From Khyber Pass (par-ss) - arse.
kipper n. Minge;
Captain's pie.
kipper for breakfast euph.
To rise early and go for a horizontal
jog.
Kit-Kat shuffler euph.
Masturbateress; gusset
typist.
kitten hammock n. Bra.
kittens noses n. Nipples.
kling-ons n. 1. Winnits;
dangleberries; anal hangers-on. 2. One of many Star
Trek aliens with bumpy foreheads.
klutz n. Idiot. From the German for block of wood.
knackers n. (na-kaz) childish Testicles. As in: "Ooyaah! I've knacked
me knackers!"
knee trembler n. Intercourse while both parties are standing up. Often in a shop
doorway.
knob cheese n. 1. Smegma. 2. Foreskin feta found underneath Kojak's
roll-neck, also knob stilton, knob yoghurt.
Kojak's roll-neck n.
Foreskin. Based on the bell end headed seventies TV detective.
kosher dill n. Circumcised salami; Kojak minus the
collar.
lab kebab abbr. Labia
kebab; fish mitten;
vertical bacon sandwich etc.
labia lard See fanny batter.
langball n. A type of dangleberry
which attaches itself to John Wayne's
hairy saddlebags (qv).
langer n. Penis; whanger.
lamb cannon euph. An arms development dating somewhere between the pork
sword and the bacon
bazooka.
lapper n. A musician who plays thepink
oboe; a hairy
pie eater.
lavender See whiff of lavender.
lay a cable euph. Build
a log cabin. See also cable
laying.
lead the llama to the lift shaft
euph. Sexual intercourse.
Leo Sayer rhym. slang All dayer. Bender; prolonged drinking spree; all day
party.
lepidopterist n. Person who collects butterflies e.g. Val Doonican.
Lesbian n any female who rejects your advances whilst you are under the
influence of alcohol.
lettuce n. Female genitalia.
lickalotopus n. Latin name for a tuppence
licker of pre-historic reptilian proportions.
lid n. Bit above thebrim.
lils n. Tits.
liquid laughter n. Puke.
log cabin Seebuild a log cabin.
loon pipe n. Anus.
loose at the hilt adj.
To have diarrhoea; crop
spray.
lose your mess euph. Ejaculate; to shoot
ones load.
lotties n. Breasts.
love puff euph. Gentle, lady-like fanny burp.
love spuds euph. A root vegetable found in the shreddies; knackers.
love torpedo n. boastful Penis. As in: "I sank her bacon battleship with my
love torpedo". Also love truncheon.
lunch box n. In British tabloid journalism, that bulge which appears in
athlete Linford Christie's shorts; a penis.
lunchbox lancer n. archaic Medieval
term for a coco shunter. First used by King Arthur to describe the
French army. He wrote: "Fear not the French, for their knights are without
heart, and their King without wisdom.
But keep thine backs as to the wall, for amongst their number thou shalt find
more than a few lunchbox lancers,
I can tell you".
lychees n. A more exotic alternative to
plums.
mackerel n. Pimp.
(Unusually, a fish word not referring to the vagina).
Madam Palm and her five sisters euph.
Wanking. As in: "I'm just off to bed with Madam Palm
and her five sisters".
mammary dandruff n.
Morning-after residue left by a pearl
necklace.
manfat n. Semen.
Also man's Milk
map of Africa n. The unfortunate
stain left on the bed sheet and often the mattress
below after a sexual exchange of bodily fluids.
marge n. A loose woman. From margarine -`spreads easily'.
margold n. The ability to do 5
pop shots in two hours. To do a margold. After the
US porn actor Bill Margold.
Marmite motorway n.
Anus; arsehole; back passage.
Marmite driller euph. Seebrown
pipe engineer.
meat and two veg. euph.
Penis and testicles; wedding tackle.
meat market euph. Bar or club heaving
with totty.
meat seeking missile euph.
Penis; love torpedo.
milkman euph. affectionate Penis;pork
sword.
mince medallions n.
See dangleberries.
mess n. Semen; gunk; cock hockle. See also
lose your mess.
ming Scotch 1. v. To emit a
foul smell. As in: "Christ, it's minging in here!" minging
2. n. Awful. As in: "Peter
Beardsley's haircut was minging".
minge n. Fanny; quim.
minge winker euph. Strip tease artist.
minnie moo n. Minge.
mohair knickers euph. A large minnie
moo.
monkey n. Vagina. As in: "Does the monkey want a banana?"
Montezuma's revenge
n. Diarrhoea; Tijuana cha-cha.
moss cottage n.John Thomas'sideal home; minge.
mott n. Minge; mapatasi.
muck n.Mess. As in "Shoot your muck"
muck spreader n. Arse; bum.
mud n. Excrement.
Mudeye n. Arse; ringpiece; your old fashioned plastic tea towel holder.
muff 1. n. Minge; fanny. 2. v.
To shag; have intercourse with.
3. v. To miss an easy goal scoring
opportunity, e.g. "Andy Cole has muffed it."
muff diver n. A footballer who misses easy goal scoring opportunities, then
falls over in an attempt to win a penalty kick.
muff nudge n. The light brushing of your favourite female hairdresser's waist
against your
elbows while she leans forward to cut your hair.
mullet n. That strange haircut favoured by country and western singers and
eighties footballers.
mumblers n. Tight women's bicycle shorts through which you can 'see the lips
moving
but can't understand aword. See also Twix
lips, camel's
foot, hungry
arse.
mustang n. Of shitty arses, that
stubborndangleberry
which cannot he shaken off.
mutton musket euph. A smaller more portable field weapon than the
lamb cannon. Also mutton bayonet, mutton dagger.
mutt's nuts adj. (Superlative of good) Variation of dog's bollocks.
nads n. Testicles; plums.
abbr. gonads.
nadbag n. Nutsack; scrotum.
navigator of the windward passage euph.
Rear admiral.
Nobbies rhym. slang. Piles; Emmas; bum grapes.
From Nobby Stiles, combative, bald, false teethed 1966 World Cup winning English
footballer.
norks n. Knockers.
norton n. Bearded clam; Beetle bonnet.
olivia v. To have sex
with several filthy tramps on a piss stained mattress, all at once.
oil the truncheon euph.
To polish the bobbies helmet; collect one's own kindling; wank.
onanism n. 1. Incomplete sexual intercourse. 2. v. A posh word what the Queen might use for wanking and that.
on the other bus euph.
Homosexual; bowling from the Pavilion end.
one eyed trouser snake
euph. Penis; John Thomas; pink oboe. Also one eyed zipper fish, one
eyed pant python.
one off the wrist euph.
Five knuckle shuffle; hand
shandy.
open your lunchbox euph.
To float an air biscuit resembling
yesterday's egg sandwiches.
owner operator euph. Wanker; one who plays with his own pork
sword.
painting the ceiling euph.Wanking;
the one handed snake charming of the pant
python.
pan handle UK euph. Erect penis; wood.
pant moustache n. The effect achieved when the mapatasi
extends symmetrically beyond either side of
the shreddies.
See also spiders
legs.
pants 1. interj. Exclamation of dismay. 2. n. Rubbish; nonsense; arse. As in: "You're talking
pants!".
Pamela Anderson
saluteeuph To paint
the ceiling whilst watching Bay
watch .
paps n. Olde Worlde Tits.
park the fudge v. To shit; pass a stool; crimp off a length.
particulars n. Of low budget British sex comedies involving police officers, a
ladies underwear; knickers. As in: "H-excuse me medem, but I may need to
take down your particulars". (Fnarr fnarr!)
passion flaps n. A more romantic term
for beef
curtains.
passion pit n. Bed. See also Fart sack.
Pat Cash rhym. slang. Slash; piss; siphon
the python. From the Australian tennis player.
pavement pizza n. The contents of ones stomach as they appear after barfing (qv) in
the street.
pearl necklace n. The sticky consequences of reaching the Billy Mill roundabout whilst
having a sausage
sandwich. As in: "I gave her a beautiful pearl necklace".
pebble dash v. To crop
spray the toilet bowl .
peeling the carrot euph.
Spanking the monkey.
Percy 1. UK n. Penis. As in: "Im just off to point Percy at the
porcelain".
2. A small green 0-4-0 saddle tank steam locomotive.
period drama n. To describe the moody and eratic behaviour of women at times of PMT.
pie See hairy, fish,
Captain's.
pills n. Pods; knackers.
Pillow bitern
He who bites the pillow after he has
finished blowing a sailors hornpipe. The sailor in question being a poo
pipe Pirate. (Possibly to get the taste out of his
mouth). (Contributed by R Holmes)
pilot of the chocolate runway See navigator
of the Windward passage.
pinch a loaf See curl
one off.
pineapple rhym. slang. Sperm; semen. From pineapple chunk
- spunk.
pink Darth Vader euph.
Cock. From the Star Wars character with a helmet.
pink oboe euph. Penis. As in: "Tell me madam, do you play the pink
oboe?"
pink steel n. Material used as an alternative to wood.
pink velvet sausage wallet euph.
Vagina.
pipe smoker 1. US n. Male homosexual. 2. A person who smokes a pipe.
pirate of men's pants euph.
Swashbuckling term for your jolly Rogerer; cock; penis.
piss flaps 1. n. Labia; beef curtains. 2. interj.
Exclamation of disappointment.
As in "Oh piss flaps! I never win the Lottery!"
piss rusty water Roger
Mellie euph. To gargle and spit arse piss ; to crop
spray.
pitch a tent v. To getwoodbeneath
the bed linen, or conspicuously in ones trousers.
playing the bone-a-phone euph.Wanking;
partaking of a hand shandy.
play the pink oboe v.
To perform oral sex on a man. Usually homophobic.
As in: "I didn't know Michael Barrymore played the pink oboe".
plinthe n. A large and somewhat
redundant penis.
plonker n. An actor who relies entirely on one crap put-down line and a
three wheeler car to maintain an entire situation comedy for years and years and
fucking years.
plums n. Knackers;
balls; testicles. Together with melons and large pairs, the
source of much mirth in British fruit shops.
plumber's toolbag euph.
The furry bicycle stand; mott.
Plymouth Argyles rhym.
slang Piles. From the famous Plymouth football club.
poblycwm Welsh n. People who like quim.
pocket frog n. A fart; botty burp; anal announcement.
pocket rocket See porridge
gun.
poe S. Africa n. Vagina.
poe slap n. Sanitary towel.
pogue mahone Gaelic Kiss my arse, to be sure.
poke v. male To shag; screw; have sex with.
polish the lighthouse v.
male To masturbate in the bath.
poo packer See Marmite driller.
poo pipe pirate See kakpipe
cosmonaut.
poop chute n. Bumhole; arse.
pop shot n. A scene in a pornographic movie in which a male actor is required
to splash his
population
paste on camera, after being suitably prepared by the fluffer.
population paste n. Semen;
baby bullets.
pork sword n. Penis; bacon
bazooka; lamb
cannon etc.
porridge gun n. A tool used to distribute population
paste..
portion n. A good seeing to; a shag. As in: "I'd
give her a portion, and no mistake".
pouch n. An aging, saggy mott
that hangs like a sporran.
PMT n. An Ideal time for women to murder husbands or shoplift and get
off on
the grounds of diminished responsibilty
pugwash Aus. n. Blow
job.
pull a train euph. To take turns at stirring
the porridge; for a group of men to all have sex with the same lady
friend.
puma abbr. Pants Up My Arse. Seehungry
arse.
puppies n. affectionate
Breasts.
purple headed womb broom
euph. Penis. purple helmet Pink Darth Vader's
headgear; bobbies helmet; bell end; glans.
quack n. A short, sharp botty
burp often followed by an apologetic "Oops!".
quaker n. Stool. As in: "Where is your lovely wife?" "Why,
she has gone upstairs to bury a quaker".
quaz n. Wanker; bell end ringer. abbr. Quasimodo.
queef US n. Vaginal fart; front botty burp.
quim n. A refined word for the mapatasi
such as a gentleman might use at a hay clarse cocktail party.
From the Welsh Cwm - meaning valley of pubes.
quimle v. To eat hairy
pie. I was quimling her, he quimled me, etc.
rag week n.
1. A charity event during which students raise money for good causes.
2. The time of the month when the no bathing flags fly.
raisin bag n. Nut sack ; John
Wayne's hairy saddlebags.
rake the cage out
euph. To build a log
cabin; give birth to a Richard.
ram shackled euph. To be engaged in
the act of botting.
reach around n. In botting, pouring your partner a hand shandy whilst ram shackled.
rear admiral n. A sailor who prefers to navigate
the Windward passage.
rear gunner n. In aviation terms, a gunner who shoots one of his own aircraft
by firing his lamb
cannon into the bomb bay.
rectal retort n. Fart.
red wings n. The honour bestowed upon
someone who consumes a haddock
pastie during rag week.
rib cushions euph. Breasts.
Richard n. rhym. slang. Turd. From Richard the Third. e.g. "I've just
given birth to a ten pound Richard".
ride the great white knuckler euph.
To play rhythm on ones own pink
oboe.
ride the porcelain bus euph.
An involved visit to the lavatory.
For example, one which encompasses pebble
dashing.
ride the waves euph. Shagging a generously proportioned lady friend. As in 'Slap
the fat - ride the waves".
ring n. Jacksie; anus; brown
eye; chocolate
starfish.
ring master n. 1. The master of ceremonies at a circus. 2. A botter.
ring sting n. Inflammation of the ringas
a result of pissing rusty water such
as after visiting the
Rupali restaurant in Newcastle and sampling the world's hottest curry.
Roger Ramjet n. Botter.
Ronson rhym. slang Arse. From Ronson lighter - shiter.
root
Aus v. To shag.
rope the pony euph. To wank.
rotoplooker (ro-to-ploo-ka) US
n. Penis; chopper; whanger.
roundhead n. Apink
Darth Vadar after the surgical removal of his Kojak's
roll-neck;
a yiddled whanger.
round up the tadpoles
euph. To wank;
bash the bishop.
rub-a-tug shop n. Down market brothel; house of ill repute.
rubber Johnny n. A blob; contraceptive. Also rubber.
rug munchers n. See fanny noshers.
rump gully n. Viewed from Biffin
bridge, the gradually sloping valley beyond kak canyon.
rumpy pumpy n. A polite term for sexual intercourse used by professional people,
vicars etc.
russet gusset n. Skidmarks
or dangleberry
smudging of the shreddies.
rusty sheriffs badge euph.
Ride along Biffin bridge from John
Wayne's hairy saddlebags and there
it is, right in the middle of kak canyon. Just before rump gulley.
rusty water See piss rusty water.
saddle bags n. 1.
Labia; piss flaps.
2. Scrotum. As in John Wayne's hairy saddlebags.
Salami n penis; Just don't try to bite the end off, Okay.
salami slapper n. One who tolls upon their own bell end; a wanker.
salmon canyon n. The area beyond the beef
curtains ; that boat crewed by the bald man; fanny.
sausage jockey n. Anyone who sits on a sausage and bounces up and down. homophobic
Botter.
sausage sandwich n.
A juicy salami slipped between two pink baps, the end result of which is a
pearl necklace.
SBD abbr. Silent but deadly. A subtle release of pungent botty gas. Also
silent but violent.
scumbag n. The ultimate term of abuse known to Garry Bushell and other
tabloid journalists.
semen n. spunk; Aphrodites
Evostick; I sneezed on the front of my trousers, honest.
sea monster Seeswamp donkey.
serpent socket euph. That hole with which the one
eyed trouser snake connects.
shaft 1. v. To shag; screw. 2. The penis. 3. The black
private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks.
shag v. To have sex; to fuck. n. A sexual encounter;
a screw.
shagability n. A measurement of
how shaggable
a person is.
shaggable n. One who has a high degree of shagability.
shagged out n. Exhausted; jiggered; buggered; fucked.
shake the lettuce euph.
fem. Girly expression for having a piss.
shaking hands with the unemployed
euph. A wrestling bout between
Hand Solo and the pink
Darth Vader; wanking.
shampoo the rug euph. To lose one's population
paste on a mapatasi . Often
when getting off at Edge Hill.
shave a horse euph. To have a piss; take a leak.
shed n. A large, promiscuous woman; slag. Somewhere to stick your tools.
Sherman rhym. slang. Masturbate. Sherman tank - wank.
shirt lifter See uphill
gardener.
shit a brick 1. interj. Exclamation of surprise. 2. euph. To be scared. See shit
your pants.
Shite hole n. Arse; kak canyon. That which shites.
shite house n. Outside lavatory.
shit faced n. Arseholed;
intoxicated; drunk to excess. As in: 'I saw that Rory McGrath the other night.
He was shit faced".
shit locker n. Arse; bomb bay.
shit stabber n. Pork
swordsman.
shitter n. 1. Anus; kakpipe. 2. Lavatory.
shit your pants v. To be scared; drop a brick; cake ones kecks.
shoot bunnies posh euph. To fart; pass wind; blow off.
shoot in your boot euph. To be
excited. Of Jimi Hendrix, Little Richard said: "Jimi made my big toe shoot
right up in my boot".
shoot your load v. To ejaculate; lose
your mess; discharge theporridge gun.
shoulder boulders
n. Large breasts; gazungas.
shreddies n. Undercrackers; kecks; underpants; trolleys.
Sigourney Weaver rhym.
slang Beaver; Davey
Crockett's hat.
sing sweet violets euph.
Airy alternative to building
a log cabin; to take a dump.
siphon the python euph.Point
Percy at the porcelain; have a piss.
sixth gear n. Wanking, esp. in a parked car.
skid marks n. Severerusset
gusset ; pebble
dashing of the undercrackers.
slap the monkey See
bash the bishop.
skin boat n. Penis. As in: "I'll take the old skin boat to tuna
town". attr. Burgess Meredith.
skin flick n. Art house film; blue movie; mamba matinee.
skin flute See fleshy flugelhom, bed
flute.
skull buggery euph. Pugwash;
salami
sucking.
slapper n. Slag; dirty woman. She who has been a round a bit.
slash n. A piss; wee wee.
slash and burn n. 1. Deforestation technique. 2. A painful symptom of venereal
disease.
slime
Aus v. To ejaculate; chuck
ones muck. As in: "Hev yer slimed yet Bruce?" "Will yer shat
ap Sheila, ya puttin'me orf".
sloppy seconds n. To be towards the back
of a train . See also stirring
the porridge.
slit n. Blit; fanny;
vertical
bacon sandwich.
smoke the bald man euph.
To light up a salami cigarette. Also smoke the white
owl.
snatch n. Quim; vagina.
snatch mouse n. Tampon.
snowball v. To blow salami cigarette smoke
back into the tobacconists mouth. Sort of thing.
soapy tit wank n. Sausage
sandwich served in the bath or shower.
sour apple quickstep euph.
Suffering from diarrhoea. As in: "Your wife is taking rather a long time in
the powder room". "Yes, I'm afraid she's dancing the sour apple
quickstep this evening". See also Tijuana
cha-cha.
spadger Aus n. Vagina.
spam alley n. The ideal venue for spam
javelin throwing.
spam javelin n. Penis.
spam sceptre euph. Penis; pork sword; cock.
spasm chasm See spam alley.
spend tuppence in ha'pennies and
farthings euph. To pass loose
stools; have diarrhoea.
spider's legs n. Of muffs
rogue pubic hairs which protrude beyond the the knicker line.
spit roast n. To be simultaneously skewered at both ends by pork
swords; a sausage
jockey who
plays a pink oboe
whilst still in the saddle.
splash me boots euph. To have a piss.
split a kipper euph. male To have sex. As in "This lady appears to like me.
With luck I may later have the opportunity to split a kipper".
sponge n. Of homosexual relationships, the submissive, feminine partner;
the noshee as opposed to the
nosher. Usually the thin one. See also stone.
spooge US n. Semen.
sprogdrop n. Pregnancy. As in: "Congratulations. I hear your wife's
suffering from sprogdrop".
spunk n. 1. slang Semen. 2. Spirit; pluck. 3. Tinder
made from fungus.
4. Aus. Good looking man; dish; hunk.
spunk dustbin See bargain
bucket,box
of assorted creams. Also spunk bucket.
spurt your curd euph. Spread your spunk; infect others with your pluck and spirit.
squirts n. The condition also known as the sour apple quick step. Also
squitters, squite.
steak drapes n. Gammon goalposts;beef
curtains.
stench trench disaffictionate euph. Fanny.
steg n. Woman resembling a ferocious, spiny, squat, prehistoric dinosaur,
abbr. Stegosaurus. See also shed; swamp
donkey.
sticky belly flap cock n.
A post wank condition suffered by bishop
bashers.
stiffy n. A bone on; erection.
Stilton muffler n. Pungent and unwashed fish
mitten.
stirring the porridge euph.
To have sloppy
seconds; to dip into a box
of assorted creams.
stoat n. Beaver;
hairy cup.
stone n. Of gay men and women, the opposite of a sponge. The dominant partner.
And usually no oil painting either.
strain your greens euph.
To have a piss.
strangle Kojak euph. Male masturbation; peeling
the carrot; stroking the wookie.
See Kojaks
roll-neck.
stroke mag n. Top shelf literature; art pamphlet; gentleman's interest
magazine.
swamp donkey n. A female bereft of physical beauty; tug boat; boiler;
sea monster; steg.
switch hitter US n. Bisexual; AC/DC; one who bends both ways. Deriv. baseball - the ability to bat with both hands.
sword swallower n. Sword as in the pork variety.
tackle See wedding
tackle.
tackleshack n. Underpants.
tadger n. Penis.
tadpole yoghurt euph. A dressing to accompany a sausage
sandwich.
tagnuts n. Winnits; dangleberries; mince medallions.
tail gunner See rear gunner.
taint n. Niffkin's bridge "Tain't
arse and 'tain't fanny".
take a Chinese singing lesson euph.
Have a piss.
taking Captain Pickard to warp speed TV
baldy / cock euph. Masturbation; strangling
Kojak.
tallywhacker n. jovial Penis; old man.
Tardis fanny n. Deceptively spacious snatch;
bargain bucket.
tatty water n. Spud juice; semen. Literally - potato water.
tea towel holder euph.
Anus. From the 1950s plastic 'finger poke style' kitchen accessory.
technicolour yawn Seepavement
pizza.
tenpin v. To place digits
simultaneously in the tea
towel holder and the fish mitten.
From ten pin bowling.
Tits n. Lady bumnps; love pillows
thrap v. To masturbate furiously; to
give it six nowt on the Right Honourable member for Underpants.
three legged beaver euph.
Homosexual.
thruppeny bits rhym. slang Tits. abbr. thrups.
throwing a Woodbine down Northumberland
Street euph. Newcastle
Unsatisfying sex with a welly topped individual. As in:
"Why man, it was like throwin' a fuckin' Woodbine doon Northumberland
Street".
Also Leeds throwing a sausage up Briggate.
thunder box n. archaic Lavatory; water closet.
thunder mug n. Chamber pot.
Tijuana cha-cha n. Diarrhoea. See sour
apple quickstep.
tiffter n. An unwanted erection.
tit fairies n. The fictional visitors
who magically transform the wife's fried eggs into TNTs
during pregnancy.
tit wank See soapy tit wank.
TNTs abbr. Two nifty tits.
toosh n. Totty. From US tush v. meaning arse.
tonsil hockey n. Kissing. As in: "Fancy a game of tonsil hockey?"
top bollocks n. Breasts.
topless hand shandy n. A service
available from rub-a-tug
shops for between £5 and £25.
toss v. 1. To wank. 2. To flip pancakes during
cooking.
toss parlour See rub-a-tug
shop.
tosspot n. A person held in low
esteem; a fuckwit.
totty n. chauvinistic Girls; fanny. As in: "Hey, this car's a fanny
magnet. Since I bought it I've had to beat off the totty with a shitty
stick".
touching cloth n. The stage immediately after turtles
head when the stool establishes contact with the
undergarments. As in: "Is there a toilet anywhere round here mate? I'm
touching cloth".
tradesmen's entrance euph.
Back passage.
train See pull a train.
trolleys n. Kecks; underpants.
trots See squirts.
trouser cough n. Fart; botty burp.
trouser Mauser n. A small rapid
firing porridge
gun..
trouser trumpet n. 1. A fart. 2. The anus.
tubesteak n. A beef
bayonet on the bone.
tug boat n. A woman of plain appearance and a compact, muscular build; swamp
donkey.
tummy truncheon n. Sixth gear stick;
porridge gun; penis.
tuna town n. Female genitalia. See also skin
boat.
tuppence licker n. Lesbian.
turning Japanese euph.Wanking.
See also grin
like a wanking Jap.
turtle's head n. The initial
protrusion of a stool though the chocolate
starfish; the point at which contracts are exchanged for the building
of a log cabin . See also touching
cloth.
twat n. 1. A stupid person. 2. A minge.
two puppies fighting in a bag euph.
Large, mobile and unrestrained breasts.
two up n. Two up.
Twix lips n. A front bottom version of hungry
arse. See also camel's foot.
U blocker n. A turd so big it causes a jobbie jam
in the plumbing system.
U.D.I. Unidentified drinking injury.
A mysterious injury received during a drinking session and
of which the victim has no recollection.
undefuckable adj. Damaged beyond repair.
up to your nuts in Guts euph.
male Aus. Engaged in sexual intercourse.
undercarriage n. Genitalia (male or fem); wedding
tackle.
undercrackers n. Kecks; shreddies;
Y fronts.
unit n. Penis. As in: "I slipped her my unit".
uphill gardener euph. He who hoes on the pink allotments; the pusher of a cheesey
wheelbarrow up the kak canyon; a male homosexual.
vadge n. Vagina; fish
mitten. Also US vag.
Valentines Day porridgen.
Semen.
veiny bang stick n.
Penis; one eyed trouser snake.
Velcro triangle n. Minge;mott;
mapatasi. Also Velcro valley.
vertical bacon sandwichn.
That which is clearly visible in hamburger
shots.
Also vertical smile, vertical taco.
vinegar strokes n. male The final, climactic stages of intercourse or masturbation.
As in: "Would you believe it? The phone rang just as I was getting onto the
vinegar strokes".
From the similar facial expressions achieved when sipping vinegar.
vixen n. A wily bird; a young temptress; a foxy chick. e.g. Stevie Nicks
in about 1978.
vixer n. A sausage eater (not euph.)
who hogs all the beach beds on foreign holidays.
vurp n. A burp which brings up a
small but foul tasting quantity of stomach contents,
small enough to be gulped straight back down again.
walnut
n.
Gland up the male arse which causes immediate ejaculation when poked.
walnut manouvre n. The mythical method by which good looking nurses are trained to
poke your walnut in order to obtain a
sperm sample.
wank 1. n. Rubbish; nonsense. "That is a load of wank".
2.. n. Masturbation. "That was a
dead good wank".
3.v. To masturbate. "I really
enjoy wanking".
wanker n. 1. He who wanks. 2. A fellow road user; a motorist at whom one
waves.
As in: "Yeah... and you too, you wanker".
wankily adj. Badly; sub standard. "He did that really wankily".
wank sock n. A sock used in wanking. Possibly tied to a bed post and designed
to indicate when
wind conditions are suitable for masturbation.
wanking spanners n.
Hands.
wap-waps n. Breasts. Also dedoo-wap-waps.
waz v. variously To piss; to puke; to wank.
wazzed adj. To be pissed, puked or wanked, presumably.
wear the beard v. To perform oral sex on a woman.
wedding tackle n. The male genitalia.
wedge v. To pull another's underpants
up the crack of their arse. n. A
wedgie.
welly top n. A term used to describe the vagina. "She had a fanny like a
welly top".
whanger n. Large penis. As in: "My, that's a fair whanger you have in
your pants".
wheek v. Scotch. To remove shit from an aeroplane toilet.
wheel tapping at the Bourneville factory
euph. Dabbling in homosexual
practices.the apprenticeship
served prior to qualifying as a fully fledged coco shunter.
whidgey n. Eire Front bottom.
whiff of lavender euph.
Suspicion of a beard bride. As in: "I don't know about
Edward. There's a whiff of lavender about that
marriage".
white mouse n. Tampon.
White owl n. penis; plonker; whanger
whitewater wristing euph.
To pull your pud; masturbate.
white wee wee n. Planet Skaros Dalek term for semen.
willnots n. Tagnuts; dangleberries.
Arse fudge entwined in the kak canyon foliage which simply
will not come off.
Willy Woofter rhym. slang Poofter.
wind jammer n. A brownpipe
engineer who leaves his tool in the wind pipe.
winky 1. n. A baby's cock. 2. adj.
Having a tendency to wink.
winkybag 1. n. A baby's scrotum. 2. n.
An ugly woman who winks a lot.
winnie n. Lesbian; she who licks the honey
pot.
winnit n. Kling-on;
dangleberry;
brown room hangers on.
wood n. Erectness of the cock. "I have got wood".
woody n. An erection.
X-ray specs n.
Spectacles usually available by mail order only from crappy magazines which
enable the
wearer to see through a woman's clothing.
XXX A special video certificate
awarded to pornographic films of exceptionally poor sound and picture quality.
xylophone v. To move along a fine of naked women who are all bending down, and
spank their bottoms which are of varying sizes - with ones penis; to play a tune
on womens buttocks. From the Greek xylo meaning wood and phonnicus meaning to hit tunefully.
yabba dabbas n. The climactic stages of intercourse;
vinegar strokes.
yak n. 1. A large, hairy animal of untidy appearance. 2. Feminist's
beaver ;
minge with a pant
moustache.
Y bone steak n. The female opposite of a tubesteak.
yongles US n. Testicles.
yank the plank euph. To spank your plank.
zeps abbr.
Zeppelins euph. Large breasts.
zig-a-zig ahhh! onomatopoeia To have a bloody good wank while watching a Spice Girls
video.
Zinzanbrook NZ rhym. slangFuck;
have sex.
zipperfish n. Penis; trouser trout;
underpant eel, etc.
zorba v. To have sex with a native whilst on holiday in Greece. As in:
"Did you zorba?"
zuffle v. To wipe one's cock on the
curtains after having sex in a posh bird's house.
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