My thoughts and concerns of the world

Free Falling I wake up each morning to the sun so bright birds happily singing and coulds of white nature so beautiful with water so clear you and me just sit here without any fears. Please wake me from this It feels so real It's too perfect for me And that's what I fear I can't live like this death, my only wish but why must it end like this? I saw the bridge i began to run climbing quickly you begin to follow under the sun, i feel your sorrow but my life is now hollow you hold me back, but i procede a cry of help is what i need jumping quik as if it were nothing you scream and shout and freeze real stiffly the end is near, i feel it coming i start to cry, my life gone by as i fall, my life now free if you loved me, you would've saved me.

Her Wits I feel we all don't belong here I can feel it whenever she is near Down deep inside her secrets lie Everything of which, she tries to hide Oh don't worry it's not your fault She's just intimidated and needs some help She may not be perfect, I can tell you that But why does she hide behind all the distress? I know she talks behind your back, All she wants is the old life back. This life is better, so leave it alone Whydoesn't she just understand? I wish all could just be happy But no matter what, my life is crappy I'll leave her alone, she better let me be So just watch out, I'll make her see.

Deeply Thinking Deeply thinking of what to say you comfort me in the greatest way. I'm wasting away, suffering my pain please let me go, but you make me stay as you hold me tighter, i begin to bleed the scars revealed, you're what i need deeply thinking of what to do i sit alone, to talk to you with everything a stray, i've got nothing to say- except for i love you in every way you're too perfect in my eyes and for that, it makes me cry and it all makes me sit to wonder,why? deeply thinking of where you are i wait for that day, you decide to call. youve been gone forever- will i see you again? I'll waste away, until the end. the good and the bad, we've been through it all, but now deeply suffering from this pain, you're my last strength, my only gain i've waited for you to have nothing to say now far too long i've been wasting away now please deeply think of where i lay.

The Perfect Friend With the perfect life, you're the greatest friend Inbetween struggles ande striffes, You wouldn't let me see the end. I can't thank you enough, you've saved a life My feelings come with no words to say So I sit alone, and shed some tears. My thoughtfulness makes you sad My feelings are nothing to understand- But if you do, you can see, The evil girl inside of me. Leaving me be, you've given me space. But tell my parents to get off my case. They pushed me to the point, To end this hell, but I looked for you instead. You were always here, helping me out. Please don't leave me here, You're the perfect friend. Stay the same, don't change a bit. I did it again, and told you nothing. All you really need is to ask. I would tell you everything, would you understand? I'm sure you would, I didn't take the chance This depression had led me to the state, Of life or death, I must decide, It cannot wait. Please pull me out, I'm sinking thorugh I only ask one thing of you- I shed the light, kill the darkness Please always be my perfect friend.

Happiness Make me happy for one more day before I slip and fall away I've lived this for one day once But now it's hell so help me out I only wanted the best for you that's the one thing you never knew happiness doesn't come free for me just come with me and you will see the life i live is nothing more so come quickly don't ignore the risk of death hasnt left me yet but where can i go, who can i tell? all i want is a listening ear please don't leave i need you here give me an hour before i fall, no matter what ill lose it all ill tell you everything, anything at all with the sky so gray, and feelings low i hold you near, i wont let go but as i look, for the last time into your wicked beautiful eyes my lfie gone by, you close your eyes for the faintest moment i hear you cry i couldn't live any longer please trust me, i tried im gone now, please accept don't be sad, it was meant to be like this i didn't mean to cause any pain just put a smile to your face we all needed our own space My place in life, is now here in this dark, cold, lonely hell ive loved you always, dont disagree and that will forever be you let me slip, through your hands but dont worry its not your fault all i want is for you to understand no love from you has left me depressed i want to be happy, i want you to care please forgive me, im in despair i feel i must leave it all now but tell me one last thing before i go- did you really even love me? i honestly need to know.

Welcome to my world It's winding through my head What I've always said Do you know I love you? Maybe you never knew. You've upset me so bad Leaving me lonely and sad. But why can't you see, What this pain has done to me? Welcome to my world of unhappiness It's filled with my eternal saddness Your are the one thats kept me here And for that I shed this golden tear. It's dawned on me I'll never get out No matter how much I scream and shout Only you can pull me through- But I know its something you'll never do. I guess I got what was coming When you ripped into my mind. Now this pain leave you pondering, why it left YOU thoughtless and blind.

Hatred My hatred for you, runs way too deep Now get out of my way, and out of my space. You should feel ashamed, for I was always blamed. Now leave me be, for you don't accept me. I don't udnerstand why, you're even alive? Even your race, said you're a disgrace. WIth that eerie sound, you've torn me down. It's now my time- revenge is all mine. I am done with you, your mendacities are through, I will hear you no longer, for you're now a goner.

Drugged There's no way out I can feel it grow. I walk in shadows Way down low. Where's a reasonable end? Show me how. My friends have done it, So why can't I? You say it's wrong, Well sure it is, I'm not perfect, If I'm like this, I try to talk, It doesn't help. I feel the tears come down, I can't help but run. I don't want to die, So why do I hide? It's going to happen- It was meant to be. I feel no love, Thats all perished But I feel the pain, The scars so real. I'm looking for a way out, Something to live for, How can I live, When you left me hanging? I can't live like this, Please give me a reason. You're in denial So I'll put you on trial. I want to move ahead. To get the truth I deserve But every minute I'm here I become self-restrained. It's all just agony Hell I concluded. Please just be civil I'm sure you can.

Leave me here I never thought it'd hurt this bad, so carry me over the bridge of darkness while i feel the ground fall beneath our feet we fell together, we died together it's what i've always dreamed but now youre gone and perished but you floated back around. Carry me over this bridge of darkness these rivers of tears, and down the sprial of death you left me here, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide i find a corner, just to sit and cry you built me up, just ot watch me cry to cry over my obsession you've been my life, my only love and now i'm lost, without any love but a heartache and pain i felt i belonged, then you threw me away i touched you gently, you slapped me away. i never wanted anything, only a little love, or a kiss, to tide me over. as i feel the knife go in, i see my life in a flash i see you, i see pain the pain that is killing me now. too mad to kill, too sad to be ill, but happy enough to die. but my love - brings me back to you. you pushed me to the point where i could do the unthinkable and still you left me here. to see you was decieving, to meet you was scary to know you was horrifying to be with you was hell but to love you was impossible and now i'm still in love, without your passion but you still leave me here. can i cry? can i die? doesn't matter, my life now shattered. shattered with no you, no you and me, just hell to bear. the hell of my life, and still your the love of me. maybe i was wrong for you, but should it hurt this bad? you and me to make it work, but you broguht nothing in. i gave you my love, you gave me a life we share no common resemblnce pick me up, and lay me down leave me there to die. the window shatters, in my heart the breeze of your love, tears me apart Im alone and heartbroken, i am still in love But you leave me here, and yet again, i am alone.

This one is special, it's not all written by me. Runner up I just set myself up when i fell so hard for you I thought I was number one, When I was really number two That's when it all changed When you found someone else You left me far behind I sure hope you pleased yourself Now that you've moved on, Who will help me do the same? Who will tell me that it's all right, And I'm not to blame? We both know I'm just a runner up in your eyes But please don't go, Een though I'm just some second place prize This one goes out to All those who've heard those lines- From that special one you love Like a Charlie Brown Valentine Rejection at it's best Even though it feels the worst to Hear them start to say any of the lines They still have the hear rip us apart They just don't understand, How this makes us so mad For you've left me so sad Becasue it hurt me so bad. All me love was given to you first You put me through hthis so I am left cursed. Now every step I take, Seems like the biggest mistake. But now I'm number two And number one just isn't the same It seems to always end the same Just another rejection game Another time that I got tossed I guess I've just lost For again I'm left cold and bleeding Left me silent and needing- What you forever took away All I wanted was for you to stay She is no better than I could be Look deep inside my heart- You'll see everything I've ever felt for you I know you'll find something you never knew.

Everything IF your thinking what I'm feeling- You know not to tella soul but if they say a secret tells a lie then who am i left to trust? you say you always loved me You say you always cared But if you lie without the truth Who am i left to believe? If all is everything- which all great What is nothing or is it just fate? Where am i left without nothing at all I am just lft here- standing tall. But that is enough to kep me grounded To have enough courage to stand proud It is truly the greatest feeling. Which leaves me here with everything.

The listener and the caregiver is what they call you. They say you've been there for everybosy, but where were you when I needed you? I've always been there for you when you needed someone, a shoulder to cry on, or to just make your troubles disappear. You're too wrapped up in your busy life for you to even help me. I pulled you out of the hardest time in your life and this is now why I need you. Is this how you repay me? You ned to lift me above and beyond the place I was before. I can't help to see you cry, or to even be sad; let alone being mad at me. But most of all, meaning the reason I'm here, is becasue I can't stand to see you with someone else. You broke my heart, now please repair it. I'll forgive you, but please let me be with you. It kills inside to hear the things you say to them, when you were saying them to me just days before. Why- I must ask? Why must you hurt me so? I shall suffer no pain, no more, for now it is your time to pay. You must pay for the damage you have done. I look forward to see that day, for I am too lonely to let you do nothing. Why does everyone ruin the things they have? They come around once, so treat them well. Please put life back in my heart. Pay attention to the things I say, I shal not repeat. Treat me right, I'm only here once. Don't forget me ever. Don't fight with me, we will both only lose. Hurting me so doesn't work, I will suffer from nothing. I'm stronger than before, but don't aggravate my weaknessess. It's always good to hear yous ay, you love me so, in every way. I've changed for the better, but with the good qualities improved. I knew it wouldn't be long til I saw you again. I'll give us another chance, if you feel the same way. Forgiveness lies within the heart, and my heart will always be with you. I am innocent to ever lying to you, but I am guilty of loving you. All I ask for is for you to make a civilized decision ofwhat you want. I'll be with you for eternity, I'll love you forever but it's your forgiveness I must accept. Love is a journey, a maze, or an adventure. But you must succeed to love someone before you move foreward. Take it slow, but don't let it fail.

The Forgiver Within Us

Ramblings and Stories Of My Creation

Live This Life You've loved me always That's what you said I've always remembered you As a good friend The kisses, the hugs That's what I miss And to this day You haven't faded away Still fresh in my memory Is everything you say. The happiness fills me, Deep down inside I now realize I've got nothing to hide We're now at peace No harm can be done I've loved you always It's what i've said Please always be my friend, Until the very end.

Forever Goodbyes You're going away, I want you to stay I'll see you again, some other day. You've helped my through some hard times too. I thank you for that, how nice of you. No words to say how I feel inside I hope it all will be okay Ill just sit inside and wait for that day Just let it bring what it may You never know- Maybe it was better this way I'm sorry I won't be there for your last  day Ill always remember you in the biggest way. The happiest days, the saddened nights Please always keep me within your sights. For better or worse thats what they say always the best for you, so I'm left in the blue For now it is your very last day, I did it again, I forgot what to say. It's now time to say goodbye to you to me and all the lies. I can't go on- With everyone gone, You brought me happiness, no saddened lies. You're going away, don''t forget your goodbyes Please always remember me within your eyes. The tears coming down don't let this be the end. I never did think it would come to this, The happiest life, Ill soon be outa sight. Godbyes are forever- So don't let this be the end.

Day 1 - You do not know me well enough, but I know you. Since you first breathed into this world, I have watched you. The hopes you have wished, the worries you have feared, the sins you have committed - I know them all. I am the Observer. The Recorder. The Lover. Since you've stepped foot near me, I felt the power between us. Although you cannot continue being near me, I can't help to still notice you. This closeness between us can't be ignored. Don't let this pass you by - you could lose everything between us. Day 2 - I feel you've ignored me, and haven't made an effort to say anything.You've ran together to someone else - someone too close to me. It's pain, and happiness. But nowhere inbetween. I've liked you for too long to let this realationship we have swing by. Present up, and show me you care. My dreams are to be shared with you. My life is lived all around you. Don't leave my life on hold forever, if you keep it all real there's nothing to fear. Day 3 - I know you can help me find the happiness, the fun, and the sweetness inside me. It's all to sjare and belong between us both. I'm left to keep my dreams to myself, and live alone. If you saw me now, you'd feel nothing. I'm willing to change that. Feelings aren't to be messed with, and that's why I'll keep them alive. Life isn't that same without being near you. I don't shed my tears without you. Day 4 - I'm not a stalker. I'm not obsessed. I'm not possessive. I'm just alone. Everytime you look at me - your beautiful eyes burn me on the outside - and I feel that deep. But inside, I fill with joy and shed a smile, but my skins turns red from hurt and sadness. Day 5 - As I feel my heart race, and my blood rushing through me - I know I want to be with you forever. To be together is a wish - maybe more of a dream come true. My life isn't the same without you. Be my inspiration - as I dream of what you could do. The potential we have - everything was made for a reason. If you are alive on this planet, then I believe someone wants you here. That if you're here, you're needed by someone. That is why you're here. You're needed by me. And not to sound possessive, only me. Day 6 - I'm happy. But happier with you. You've always brought the best out in me. Although I've never been with you, you haven't been with me either. If Ive done anything wrong - tell me, we can work it out. Being friends with you is better than nothing - but it could be better. You may be better off without mebut give it a shot. What do you say? Day 7 - Give me the care I need. You liked me once before - I know from the hints you dropped, the things yous aid, or the things you did. Nothing of which was wrong or hurtful, just fun pleasant stuff. Don't be alarmed or hurt by the things I say, I say it with such heart and compassion - it's too much to hold in. That's why I share it with you now. Day 8 - Day 8 of my lonliness, now it's hard. Please say something - anything you think I wish to hear. How can you not feel anything for me? I can't help but as is it true? So many unanswered questions - will you answer? I will live for you until they're answered and I'm with you. Day 9 - My love, so real, yet rare and pure, burns within my wicked eyes. Look deep enough, long enough, and it must be real. You will see my hope burn beneath anything. But for me, it won't always be my way - I can compromise. You're not all mine - I'll take what I can get. They say you can do anything you put your mine to, but why hasn't it happened? We've been through this before - it's hard to explain. As for tonight like ever night, I wait. Day 10 - I've waiting too long now. But for you I will wait. If I could crawl inside you hear I would ponder what you are thinking. Honesty and purity between you, and between me shall live on. Tell me what you're thinking that's the least I could ask for. Good, bad, or evil, I wishto know. I'd rather know what you are thinking of me, you, and us no matter what. Day 11 - If you deem to know what keeps it going - it's everything you don't do. Keeping my cool, or just looking for my last ounce of hope is a miracle at this point. This distortion of where I stand with you is nowhere near I wish to be. But tell me now, who is keeping me here at this point? That is who I wish yo be with, hopefully it's you. Day 12 - Today has been lost because of the blurriness and thoughfulness of my now dried tears. Day 13 - Lucky day 13. Today shall be an endless day for my endless love for you. Don't keep covered behind pity or shame. Be yourself. You now know what I feel for you, please let me know what now hides behind you skin. Your thoughts and words. Your actions and satisfactions are what I want, I'm here for you waiting alone - and your passing my time away. Day 14 - My endless love for you has expanded into everything, since being away from  you. I wish we could be the way we all used to. Back when I saw you whenever possible and you still liked me. Maybe I'm wrong when I say that I do everything for you - but is it wrong to say I think about youa ll too often? Speak to me, communication please! Day 15 - What you deem right - I shall do. Whatever you deem wrong - I shall stop. I am willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. It's real I tell you. I've felt this way before -- untill I was hurt. I learned a long time ago about hurt - but I'm willing to be with you, but please don't hurt me. Day 16 - You aren't perfect, no one is. But I see you in my eyes, as the one to forver be. Maybe I'm too sad for you, but don't you think the instant I know you feel for me, my world will turn over? That's what'll happen. But still remember - never obsessive only progressive. That's what it'll be with you. Good or bad, I'll be there for you. That's what it's all about, we'llbe in this together. It's harder to keep my feelings in when you're not around because I won't need to worry what you'll think. But if I could have a talk with you, to you personally, and you told me you felt for me, I could tell you everything. Day 17 - The eternity has lasted longer than expected - but do you see me complaining? I think not - how could I complain near you? It's quite impossible. Complicated is the world, but we can beat the world - the power remember is now near boiling point. We started with nothing. Day 18 - Today feels like emptiness, no thought, no joy, no excitement for anything. The second I talked to you, I felt the breath of you hit my body - that flame immediately blown out. Now, trying desperately to be with you, or anything it's taking too long to relight. It takes love; long, eternal, and real, and only from you. Day 19 - This all started as a monsterous likeness, but now I fear to  say it grows each and every day. Like a beautiful flower, with the best soil, the cleanest most pure water, and the perfect and warmest sunlight possible - give it time to grow, and it will grow into soemthing stunning, real, and astounding. A flower seems like nothing, but take any element away and it slowly dies, and is no longer anything. That is me - I need purity, happiness, and love - only you can provide to me. Does any of this seem real, please say so. Day 20 - Today is my last day. Not my last day to love you, it doesn't go away like that. But it's my last day to say everything. But you just haven't said anything, and I can't take it any longer. So find me somewhere, somehow, and tell me how you feel, and that you love me so, like I've loved you forever. I'll se you on the other side. In conclusion, I have found out that my dream to be with you is worht saying, Mission: Impossible.

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Thoughts of Dez and I

20 Days Alone

Art is Wonderful

It had rained, it was cold, and just plain gloominess surrounded the stages. Imagine going to a 3 day concert, to see 30 of your favorite bands, with 30,000 of your closest friends - whom most of which you've never met before. Now imagine the festivities almost over, with the last hour of the final day, everyone hiping it will never end, and just hoping the weather will cooperate. "When you tell me everything is wonderful now!" Art Alexis, from Everclear, sang as the sun peered out from the clouds. Art jumped down from the stage and told security to let some people onto the stage to go dance with them during a song. The same security guard I had seen the whole 3 days picked some people out, except the girl next to me screaming, "LET ME UP, LET ME UP!" I just kind of laughed and looked at him and told him, "Dude you should let me up there." Needless to say he pulled me out and I climbed up on stage and stapped Craig on the shoulder. He just looked at me laughing. I turned to the drummer, jumping around, only for a huge "mud-pie" to slap me in the eye. Blind in one eye,I turned once again to snap a picture and it was the greatest moment of my life. As I walked off back-stage, Greg, the drummer handed me a drumstick and told me, "Nice catch." You know they've been right all along, Art is wonderful.

F.Y.I.: This next story is not true, but it's really funny and I enjoy it very much.

New Hit

NO ONE COULD POSSIBLY FEEL THE WAY I FELT JUST LAST MONTH WHEN I WAS STEPPING ON STAGE TO PERFORM WITH MY BAND IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW STUPID I LOOKED SICNE I WAS LATE ANYWAYS IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A BIG DEAL BUT WE WERE THE LAST BAND TO PLAY AND WE ONLY HAD AN HOUR SO I ALREADY CUT INTO OUR PLAYING TIME AND WE STILL HAD TO SET UP ALL OUR EQUIPMENT BUT THEN AS I GRABBED MY GUITAR AND MY PIC I WENT TO GO TALK TO JOW OUR LEAD VOCALIST AND HE WAS CARRYING HIS MICROPHONE AND HE WHACKED ME IN THE HEAD AND EVERYONE HEARD A LOUD BA'AM AS I FELL ON MY ASS IN PLENTY OF PAIN I STOOD UP AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED AND TOLD THE BAND TO HURRY UP AND GET ON STAGE WE RAN UP THERE AND I PLUGGED MY GUITAR IN AND STARTED WITH MY "A" CHORD WHICH BEGINS THE SONG THAT HAPPENS TO BE OUT NEW HIT AND I WAS EXHAUSTED FROM THE PREVIOUS NIGHT THAT WHEN I STARTED PLAYING I LEFT INTO LA-LA LAND AND DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS PLAYING THE WHOLD SONG WRONG BUT JESSE OUT DRUMMER MUST HAVE BEEN NERVOUS HIMSELF HE DROPPED A DRUMSTICK AND QUICKLY RECOVERED ONLY FOR HIM TO DROP ONE AGAIN AND PLAY THE WHOLE SONG OFF BEAT BUT JOE WAS FRUSTRATED THAT WE WERE RUINING THE WHOLE SONG I STARTED JUMPING AROUND AND THE PIC FLEW OUT OF MY FINGERS AND I STEPPED ON ALL MY PEDALS ONLY TO REALIZE I HAD UNPLUGGED JOE'S MICROPHONE SO HE HAD TO SCREAM THE WORDS AND HE HAD A BIG FINISH TO THE SONG BUT WE DIDN'T MAKE IT THAT FAR INTO THE SONG FOR JOE TO SHOW HIS TALENTS BUT WHAT HE DID SHOW WAS HOW WELL HE CAN TRIP OVER HIS OWN PANTS AND WHACK HIS HEAD ON A CONCRETE BLOCK TRIPPING ME CAUSING ME TO FALL ON MY BROKEN PEDALS LEAVING ME WITH A HEFTY BRUISE ON MY LEFT SHOULDER AND A BRUISED TAILBONE FOR ONE NIGHT TO REMEMBER WE PREMIERED OUT "NEW HIT."

New Editions

Stricken once with the speed that kills Forgetting what life was really like. Isolation left for me, You will not be forgiven. Been forgotten in the dust of mistrust I'm finally sitting down, I'm letting go- Finally giving up. I'm lost in a forgotten land, A forgotten dream, A mindless thought. Once more in the bitter cold, Looking for myself. Careless, fearful, tainted silence, Once more in the forgotten land.