THISPAGEISEXTREMELYHOT!!!
AFTER
THE
BARIUM
ENEMA:
A modest
man
is in
the
hospital
for
a series
of tests.
One
of the
last
tests
has
left
his
system
upset.
Upon
making
several
false
alarms
to the
bathroom
he decided
the
latest
was
another
and
stayed
put.
He then
filled
his
bed
with
human
waste
and
was
embarrassed
beyond
anything
he could
possibly
face.
Losing
his
presence
of mind,
he jumped
up,
gathered
up the
bed
sheets,
and
threw
them
out
the
hospital
window.
A drunk
was
walking
by the
hospital
when
the
sheets
landed
on him.
He started
yelling,
cussing,
and
swinging
his
arms
wildly
which
left
the
soiled
sheets
in a
tangled
pile
at his
feet.
As
the
drunk
stood
there
staring
down
at the
sheets,
a security
guard
who
had
watched
the
whole
incident
walked
up and
asked
"What
the
heck
was
that
all
about?"
Still
staring
down,
the
drunk
replied:
"I think
I just
beat
the
poop
out
of a
ghost!"
Xray Medical Terminology
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub'ma) n. A rescue vehicle
which can only be seen in the rear-view mirror.
Barium.....what doctors do when patients die
Benign.....what you be after you be eight
Cardiology..advanced study of poker playing
Catscan...searching for kitty
Dilate.......to live long
Enema.....not a friend
Fibula......a small lie
GI series..world series of military baseball
ICU........peek-a-boo
Outpatient.. a person who has fainted
Paralyze....two far fetched stories
Pelvis.......cousin of Elvis
Recovery room.....place to do upholstery
Rectum....darn near killed him
Urine.......opposite of your out
Vein.........conceited
Accident
A snail was run over by a turtle. The snail ended
up in the hospital and was sent to xray.
The xray tech asked "What happened?" He said,
"I don't know, it all happened so fast."
Things you do not want to hear during
surgery.
1. Better save that. We'll need it for the
autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor. We're going to need a
mop.
3. Accept this sacrifice, O great god of the
Volcano.
4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's
that?
6. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this
stuff before?
7. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
8. OK, now take an XRAY from this angle. This is
truly a freak of nature.
9. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it
in the body of the ape.
10. Could you stop that thing from beating? It's
throwing my concentration off.
Just Been Thinking
If a person with multiple personalities threatens
suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
In x-ray physics did you learn the speed of dark?
Whatever happened to Preparations A thru G?
Do agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lay awake at
night wondering if there really is a dog?
How do blind people know exactly where to look
for those little Braille signs?
Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why do toothaches start on Saturday nights?
How come your teeth are the first to decay when
you are alive, and the last to decay when you are
dead? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead
of "assteroids"? How many weeks are there in a
light year?
The patient came to see the Doctor. He held up
the x-rays and said it looks like surgery. The
patient asked: Isn't there anything less expensive
than surgery? The Doctor said: Well yes, for $150.00
we can have these x-rays retouched!!
Doctor asks: What is the condition of the boy
who swallowed the quarter?
Nurse replies: No change yet!
THIS MESSAGE BOARD IS FOR YOUR TRUE AND FUNNY XRAY STORIES!
