nays so far:
| last updated: March 19th, 1998 |
| Prince, er, O(+>, er, Ø Humor
nays so far: |
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mail me @ ripopgome@hotmail.com if you have any funny texts/links!
New Songs (lawsuit related)
by r.steen@rendo.deekooi.nl on alt.music.prince Here's the tracklist of the new album by..... ehhmmm... "The Artist Whose Name We're Not Allowed To Write"; pre-ordering now via 1-800NEW-FLONK, expect delivery between 3-7 years. You Need Another Lawyer I Wanne Be Your Lawyer It's Gonna Be No Beautiful Site Site Back Here In My Arms I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Mag' The Most Sue-able Nine In The World Fan Slam We Can Sue Thieves In The Courtroom Money Matters 2Nite Computer Sue When Fans Cry Sue Position Anotherlawyerholenyohead My Name Is McMillan Thank God Created Lawsuits Lose! Case Of The Year Case Down Lalalala Means I Sue U Damned If I Sue Court Time Un-honest Man Amical Suicide Case Of Wild When U Sue Somebody Sue It Up
The NPG Rap All-Stars
by PurpleMusic@webtv.net and word is they're poised to knock the music world on it's ass with ther new single "rapper's delight 1999: the new master"... or at least l.4.o.a. seems to think so... snipped from their press kit... "years ago we warned u that carmen was the scariest female on the planet. now, prepare 4 the 2funkyfresh sounds of the deffest group in the world! the time has come 4 "the n.p.g. rap-allstars" and this newpowercrew is set 2 take over the charts! comprised of tony m., scrap d., and t.c. ellis, this group comes steeped in the rich rap tradition of veteran m.c.'s like m.c. brains, father m.c., vanilla ice, and m.c. hammer (the artist formerly known as hammer first known as m.c. hammer.) this new n.p.g. posse is not new 2 u all, in fact, they've graced our COLLECTIVE ears 4 years. what is this group all about? let's c... tony m.... lead rapper tony m, best known 4 his contributions 2 the "diamonds and pearls" era, brought the group together because he felt the need 2 take rap "2 another level." this prolific rapper is not new to the n.p.g. world. this multi-facteted artist has rapped and danced his way into our hearts as a former member of the gameboyz. tony says, "u know, i've been around the artist 4 many years now and we've always known this would happen! it was just a matter of time. but now, we're gonna be doin' the jughead all over the charts! p told me so! uh, i mean the artist told me so! and it's in my contract. uh, i mean, we don't believe in CONtracts! i'm gone bring styles you ain't never heard! and i get 2 own my masters, 2! what? we'll talk about it? uh, o.k. p, baby!" scrap d.... perhaps the least known member of this new n.p.g. crew, scrap first came r way on chaos and disorder, but don't underestimate what the new kid can do! scrap says, "chaos and disorder, knowwhatumsayin', was just a taste of my skills, knowwhatumsayin'? i brought the chaos in2 chaos and disorder, knowwhatumsayin'? i ain't no 1 hit wonder! as far as i'm concerned, rap magazines like "the source" are gone have 2 create a new category for me! "10 mics," knowwhatumsayin'? and another thing, just let the ladies know that scrap is here, that's right! the big d is comin', baby! heh-heh! knowwhatumsayin'?" last but not least, t.c. ellis... "i can't believe it! finally, the kid let me rap! if u thought what i did on graffiti bridge was what i was all about, u got another thing comin'! yeah, i know my solo album only sold a few copies and went like, cardboard, but our new album is gonna go multi-platinum, baby! number one at the bank, baby! in your face, IN YOUR FACE! let's do this, baby! hell yeah, HELL YEAH! N.P.G. in the mutha(bleep) house, baby! what? oh, sorry." so those are the artists, what about the music? some thoughts from the album's executive producer, kirky j.: "kaj productions is, like, stuff you ain't NEVER heard! you might THINK that emancipation sounds like my work on crystal ball, and that my work on crystal ball sounds like newpowersoul, and that my work on new power soul sounds like my work on chaka's and larry's albums, and so on. well, IT DOESN'T! o.k.! and if u say anything 2 the contrary, we'll sue dat ass! and no, those outtakes u've heard DON'T sound like the same ol' thing! and 2 prove all the naysayers wrong, just wait 'til u hear our next n.p.g. release "newpower crystal emancipation!" that's right!" so what do the new power elders have 2 say about "the n.p.g. rap all-stars"? chaka: "waaoooooohhhhhhaaaahhhhhhh!" larry: "they're 1 in a million, and that's the truth!" O(+>: "ask londell." londell: "we'll see u in court!" O(+>: "no, dummy!" londell: "uh, copyright 1999, n.p.g. records?" O(+>: "go on!" londell: "er, any unauthorized use is a violation of universal law?" O(+>: "there you go." there u have it, friends. the n.p.g. rap all stars. the future of music. pre-order now! peace 2 u all!"oh yeah, the tracklist.... "the n.p.g. rap all-stars, volume 1" copyright 1999, n.p.g. records 1. (n.p.g. operator rosario dawson intro) 2. rapper's delight 1999: the new master 3. new power packin' my funky weapon 4. positivity, bitch! 5. three sexy mf's united for chanhassen 6. the show (special guest doug e. fresh) 7. t.c., d, tony, and me (special guest O(+>) 8. (stauros speech) 9. givin' the boot 2 boots 10. damon, we r here, where r u? (kirky and tony duet) 11. sue u, praise me, we'll all be free 12. (warner brothers prank call) 13. jughead 2000 14. love thy will b done (rap remix) 15. mayte, do you have any sisters? 16. CONtroversy: the collective 17. rapper's delight 1999: the new master (remix) the original... ~PM~... out!
Plans for 1999
by come@worldcom.ch I've seen the future and it will be … Program for 1999!!!! I think us fans are in for a good year in 1999 so stop moaning. Here is what I think is coming.... Feb - 1999 The New Master arrives. (if you ordered it from 1800 New Flop, please allow 6 months for delivery...twice). Seven juicy mixes for the price for twelve. Fan in the ppml will discuss how great it was that Doug E Fresh managed to talk over six of the versions continuously. We will have great fun. In addition, Prince is suing, after the first nine WEB sites, all journalists which have used during the past 20 years his name and symbol. He is trying to sue Prince Charles too but allow him, knowing how much he cares 4oneanother, to keep it. Mar - Prince and Larry continue to re-record old tracks to regain control of the masters. Through L4OA they will post the track "Under The Cherry Moonies". All they will ask for is a donation of 100 dollars. (Hey, the kids gotta eat). Apr - The "New" Prince and the Revolution album will be released. It will only be available through 1800 New Flop as part of power pack, containing The Prince album (4 tracks long, lasting exactly 6 min), A Doug E Fresh pure beat box album, and the long awaited Kirky J remix album. Expect delivery in 2 to 6 years. May - A new album from Morris Day and the Time, through NPG. fans will get a chance to win it for free if they can name 2 members of the band that were actually in the original group. June - Wendy & Lisa will return to the Paisley, but it will be short lived. On hearing rumors, they arrived hoping to eat box, only to find it was Dough. E's b-eat box. Upset, they leave for a two week holiday to the Greek island of Lesbos. July - Another Prince album. This time its 8 freshly recorded versions of "The Most Beautiful Girl In the World" entitled "The Cash Experience". The Doug E rap on 7 of the versions are very popular with fans on the PPML. Aug - Prince threatens legal action against all the people who write to the PPML. Under the banner NPG2000, we will be told unless we agree with him and his L4OA drones he won't give us any more new music. He also asks us to help him get his masters back again. In this month he is also taken into hospital to have 50 tongues removed from his ass. They are returned in to post to each of the L4OA helpers. Sept - Prince announces he is shutting Paisley Park and building a new studio and NPG shop called the The Kingdom Mall. These will be located in Waco, Texas. Oct - Prince announces to the world that he will no longer eat vegetables (a cabbage spoke to him). He will live on air and love. Nov - The new album "The Dawn" is released and sells a massive 300 copies. Prince is very pleased with this and tells us 300 is a special number and he didn't want to sell anymore. L4OA continues to post messages attacking other individuals, followed by messages of love. The staff and helpers of L4OA will move into the Kingdom Mall. Dec - The Big One! Warner Bros finally speak. They suggest a revolutionary new idea. They will give Princes Masters back, if Prince gives their 100 million dollars back! Prince cannot afford it. Lucky, The Jehovahs Witnesses step forward and buy the masters back (They had a very good year for donations, but they wouldn't say where it came from). Prince is now truly free!!! To celebrate, Prince starts a 10 year greatest hits tour, traveling the world (in a spaceship) performing a continuous 2 hour medley set with Larry...and special guest star.....Tony M!! Tony guests on 8 of the new 9 remixes of the new album "The 1999 experience. Larry will vanish shortly into the tour. He will last be seen living on a luxury island near Hawaii in a very large house. So there you have it. I think it will happen. How can we complain 4 new albums and a tour in a year!?....we are so lucky!!!!!! We should all cheer up!!
Graffiti Bridge Opening Scene
by PurpleMusic@webtv.net [re: the 'falling feather' in GB...] actually it's not "as" symbolic as it seems... supposedly, there's a rare "director's cut" of graffiti bridge with an opening sequence that was ultimately edited out for purposes of time constraints. either way, i have a copy of the script, so, here, for the first time, in it's entirety, the secret is revealed... ladies and gentlemen, friends and naysayers, the uncut opening scene of "graffiti bridge" (and the relevance of the feather)... (film opens with a screenshot reading "2 days after the showdown". fade to black. cut to the kid and billy sparks sitting in billy's office inside "first avenue".) billy: kid, you done whooped morris and the band's ass with yo three song shit! i didn't think you could do it, especially with that slow-ass "purple rain" shit! i take back that shit i said about you bein a "fuckin' waste, like father, like son". i'm sorry, man. kid: it's all good, billy. so do i get the slot at the club? billy: well, it pains me to do this, but i've decided to give the slot to... kid: THE TIME?!?!?! billy: hell no! i'm keepin "dez and the modernaires" and i'm giving the other slot to "Appolonia 6"! see, i'm a business man, and i can see that dez and these girls is gone be the big thing in the 80's AND the 90's! i mean what would you do in my position? hoes got to eat too! kid: watch it billy! billy: hey, i'm not the one walkin around in my underwear! that's you and yo girlfriend. oh yeah, i'm also making jerome MY valet. morris is pissed and shit, but, oh well, this is a business and he ain't too far gone to see that yet. (enter jerome.) jerome: hello billy. what's up kid. how's the family? bwaaa-haaa-haaa! kid: so what billy? the revolution and i bust our asses and we don't get shit? billy: not quite. jerome? jerome: kid, just to show you that there's no hard feelings, billy and i went out and got you a nice "second place" gift. don't forget to show it to your girlfriend! (hands the kid a box.) billy: open it. jerome: yeah, open it. (the kid opens the box) kid: what? a dove? billy: his name's "larry." dez told me you like pets and shit. look at it this way, kid. YOU got the prize. THE BAND didn't. kid: NO! me and the revolution are going to be together forever! billy: kid! you need "larry"! he wants to take you higher! look, you can bring him to the jam because he's your one in a million you. kid: yeah, i guess you're right, billy. thanks for bringing "larry" into my life. i'm going to let him into my life and he's going to influence me and be my inspiration. 4 in the dawn of the new sun we shall c love open r hearts to the positive light that will b... billy: kid? kid: uh, yeah. billy? billy: SHUT UP! just take the damn bird and good luck in your career. kid : uh, o.k. thanks billy. thanks jerome. the bird is the best thing that ever happened to me! wait a minute. "the bird" is the best thing that ever happened to me? ain't irony a bitch! (fade to the kid's basement where he meets with appolonia.) kid: appolonia! you here? appolonia: over here, baby! kid: congratulations on your slot at the club! appolonia: thanks! i'm gonna be a star! my dream's coming true, i just feel it! and you? what do YOU dream about? kid: we're going to be together forever. you, me, and larry! appolonia: "larry"? who's "larry"? kid: meet larry. (larry the dove lets out a deep, baritone "tweet-tweet".) appolonia: kid! larry ain't gonna take you nowhere! you need to choose! larry or the lady in your life! i'm leaving to let you think about it! (appolonia walks out.) kid: larry! nooooooooo! (fade to black. screen reads "fast 4ward 2 2day". cut to a scene with the kid now living in the converted space seen at the beginning of graffiti bridge. jill jones walks in.) jill: baby? kid: yeah. jill: i wanna thank you for letting me stay here with you while i'm working on my demo tape. my career's gonna take off. i just KNOW it! kiss mia bocca, baby! (they kiss.) jill: what's wrong, honey? kid: i still can't get over it. jill: you mean... kid: yes. jill: look, it's not your fault that you had to let the band go! kid: even if... jill: yes. EVEN IF the band told you they were tired of you having larry around all the time. kid: i don't know. (cue in etheral instrumental outtake.) kid: it just seems that ever since larry came into my life, i've been losing the things that have meant something to me- the slot at the club, my dad, appolonia, my fans, my band, weight... jill: kid! stop it! it's not your fault! maybe it is larry's fault. maybe you DO need to stop listening to him. who knows? kid: do you think my music has gotten better since larry came into my life? be honest! jill: uh, yeah. kid: you're just saying that! jill: ummm, errr... i gotta go. kid: larry! nooooooooo! (fade to black. the kid walks out to the graffiti bridge with larry inside the same box he got him in.) kid: larry, you know we have love for one another right? larry: tweet. kid: and you know i love you, right? larry: tweet-tweet. kid: well, i think it's time for me to let you be... free. larry: tweet? kid: larry, it's not that i think you're bad luck or anything. or that you're dragging my career down. or that i keep playing the same stuff whenever i do play a show. or that all the stuff that i'm writing now is sounding the same. larry: tweet! kid: look, larry! how was i supposed to know that your solo album of dove calls was going to sell only 319 copies? all i'm saying is that i think it's time for me to let you be... free. larry: tweet. (segue to the film's first musical piece: the kid sings "don't talk to strangers" to larry.) kid: larry? larry: tweet? kid: may you live to see the dawn. and... (the kid sniffles, wipes away a tear.) kid: i love you. that's the truth. now fly away, larry! (larry flies away.) kid: larry! nooooooooo! (cue music. camera follows larry flying through the fields, then into the city through the streets of seven corners. cue opening credits over live-action shots of larry flying through the air. end opening credits with a fixed shot, flashback, of larry sitting in his cage, onstage with the kid. end credits. larry comes to roost on a stake buried in the ground. larry again flies away and then... SLAM!!! larry collides with the windshield of the same vehicle that slams into aura at the end of the film. feathers fly everywhere. larry's feathers come to rest at various points throughout the film. cut to a scene back at the bridge. a feather falls in front of the kid.) kid: larry? nooooooooo! (feather continues falling, now in front of aura. aura comes out from below the bridge. cue ethereal instrumental outtake.) aura: he's in a better place now. kid: excuse me? aura: hi. my name is aura. larry's in a better place now. kid: how do you know? and what's with this "crawling out from below a bridge like a troll" type-shit? aura: excuse me?!?!?! kid: i'm sorry, i'm a little upset. aura: uhhh, alright. anyway, don't worry about larry. kid: i like your sense of positivity. my name is kid. i'm a musician. what's up with all these feathers? are they yours? aura: no, baby. his. kid: what the? (the kid picks up one of larry's fallen feathers.) kid: here aura, take this and keep it. if it's larry's feather then you'll know that only good things can happen to you if you keep it. call me crazy, but i think you and i will be together for a looong time! aura: yeah, i think so too. it's not like a car's gonna slam into me or anything! (the kid and aura share a hearty laugh.) kid: hey, what's that in your hand? aura: oh, this? it's my book of poetry. you're a musician. don't you write down your music? kid: i don't have to. that's the difference between me and you. aura: what's that supposed to mean? kid: it's just a little something i heard once. i just like the sound of it. would you be interested in coming over to my place and recording some of your work? aura: do i get to keep the master recordings? kid: uhhh, well, you know, errr, i'm just a musician, and well, i don't have a contract so, ummm, i don't think anybody else should, and... aura: do i get to keep my masters or not? kid: i think i'm gone need a drank! here have another feather. for luck. (fade to black.) anyway... that's the deal with the feathers. so the next time you see a feather, think of "larry" and good luck. just look at forrest gump! well, actually, forrest lost jenny in the film, didn't he? well, as chaka khan might say, "life IS like a box of CHAKAlates; you just gotta deal with the nuts until something better comes along!"... ~PM~... out! (and trying to maintan a sense of humor!) what's this i read about a prince/prince of egypt parody on mad tv? damn!... no joke, i was going to post a parody of my own: "O(+> of egypt". maybe i still will. who knows... with that, stay tuned for "~PM~ presents: the fresh O(+> of bel-aire"...
Purple Rain follow-up album
by Arrpw2ht on alt.music.prince (AP) The Artist is working on a long awaited follow-up to Purple Rain. It will feature Graham Central Station featuring Larry Graham reprising the role made famous by The Time. And the talents of Mayte 6, who now consist of Mayte reprising the Apollonia role with Chaka Khan and Rosie Gaines filling out the group. All three groups play at the club called "The Maverick" which is now owned by Madonna, and "The Kid" is in a battle for his master recordings. The film opens with "Lets Go Crazy-the new master." We hear the opening chords and Larry Grahams' voice, "Dearly Beloved..." and the song closes with a bass solo by Larry, "GSC 2000 in stores now! Take me away, y'all!" The sub-plot of the movie features The Kids' unwillingness to play Rufus and Aretha Franklin songs behind Mayte 6. Here's a small segment..... Chaka: "Yo, I know this is homegirls' group, but we gotta play some Rufus shit! The Kid: "Look Chaka, get off it, you know, SHE'S THE ONE (Arabian' music begins) Chaka: Rosie, tell him how we feel! Rosie: Ain't No Way! Chaka: Damn girl! The Kid: Chaka, They'll be songs for all of us, if we can just get.....my masters. (Music to The Cross begins) Then after the production number they go back to the dressing room. Rhonda: We killed em', that was the bomb! Larry: Yeah, I sold 40 CDs during the guitar solo... The Kid: Ha, let Warner Brothers do the math... Madonna is in their dressing room Madonna: What's this one song shit? In Truth Or Dare I worked my ass off! (Music starts to "Into The Groove") "Get into the groove, Kid you have to prove, your worth to me, yeah!" Now get out there before I replace Mayte with Alanis! @ 1999 Unassociated Press
The Night B4 Christmas
by Ted Daniel 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Park Not a creature was stirring, not even Brownmark The stockings were were purple, with traces of gold But not hung by the mantle - Prince said that idea's old. "I do not celibrate that foolish tradition Because it has nothing to do with religion I must do the tidings of my good buddy Larry G. Since without him there would be no me. He said there's no Christmas, no Easter, etc. No Valentine's Day either I betcha! It's better to bitch about contracts and money Cuz what's in your pocket will provide for you, honey!" Prince was finishing his current song About some misguided idea which was probably wrong When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter He sprang from the studio to see what was the matter. When, what to the dumbfounded Prince should appear But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer With a little old driver, so lively and quick Prince though for a moment it must be a trick! The driver looked stern as he scowled at Prince "Just look at these talents you've dismissed the years since You were at the height of your popularity So, sit down and let's come and see who we can see: Here's WENDY! Here's Lisa! Here's SHEILA and BOBBY! There's MICHAEL and TOMMY and FINK and SONNY! They gave you their best and they gave you their all But all you can think about is peddling Crystal Ball. And you used to believe in the Tooth Fairie and Santa But recently you started chanting a mantra And you started to spout ignorant tripe On your song The War and your corny website." Prince just stammered, "But Larry said.." "Forget that old fool! He's messed up in the head!" Santa told Prince, "Let me set you straight Your fans are supporting you - you can't sit and wait. You've got to appologize for the pain that you've caused them They think you've forgotten, they think you dodge them They complain about you and your lawyer Londell He's making a Prince fan's life like a hell. Prince, let me tell you just what to do Nix Larry and Londell - give them the shoe Bring back the fun and mysterious songs I know what I'm saying, I won't steer you wrong!" As Santa jumped in his sleigh and flew to the sky Prince noticed that he had many tears in his eyes I'll be true to my fans now - I will treat them right "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."
Let Down!
by Simon Quinn ``Let Down'' (Sing 2 the tune of Face Down) Somebody once told him:"Business sense U don't know a thing-a, And on the album charts your CDs do not linger" So He thought: "I'll pitch, This Crystal Ball set,that'll make me rich". Never expected the wrath of his fanbase If he did everything his way They won't be let down,tho' they'll have 2 wait a long time,Ok? Let Down (Should I sell this..) Let Down (duff ol' remix!) Told 'em he wanted 2 sell some songs from the vaults he'd filed, The fan's will go wild And The Truth won't be dissed, Tho' the Kamasutra CD may be booed and hissed! But what the fans saw made them really pissed, "Next time we preorder WE WANT A TRACK-LIST, MFer,now we're all..." Let Down ("What the hell's this...") Let Down ("Recycled hits!") [instrumental break] Dollars and pounds is what He's thinking 'bout The Paisley Park Mailing List Kinda saw the catalyst As the wait was just 2 DAMN LONG! And when we saw the track-list all our hopes were gone! Best Buy sells it at half the price While He thinks "Life Can Be So Nice" And we're still Let Down ("We sho' fell 4 this...") Let Down ("Load of ol' shit!") It's in his till...He said it Green dollar bills...WE fed it 4 all those who know the number and did call, We're SCHMUCKS y'all! Let Down! (Smells like ol' fish) Let Down (Won't sell like Elvis!) Composed by Simon Quinn Probably never 2 be performed by The Artist currently "No.1 at the bank",(tho' some of think he's No.2,if U know what I mean).
Alternate chat-log
by hassassin@aol.com on alt.music.prince opnmind: the internet is full with wide capabilities for bringin the truth My third eye is enlightened to the vision at hand. I am the light which shines bright. Ohh touched by an angel is on!! BRB Samnation Rudeboy,interact the whole get along gang say in unison> HI NPG!! Npg2000:greetings my children have we decided what phase 2 is? Ransom:Dismantling amp would be a good idea they are so negative and never agree with me even tho im right ;) Npg2000:Yes amp...that newsgroups tirade will be over shortly I have put Commander Kathy to the task of destroying and makin the TRUTH RISE!! Opnmind:ALl is going well, eye have many spies on amp...Opinions must cease for the glory of the creator!!! Npg2000:nodding....Samnation Why destroy amp tho why meddle with negativity? Opnmind: Dont you see god...wants us to get rid of amp Prince is dead yet its still called "Alt.music.prince"!!! Idolatry must cease!! Npg2000: very good opn your gettin the Picture we may not progress with HIS PLAN Opnmind: yes.... eye spoke with him Npg2000: On the celly?? Opnmind: Yea we talked about truth did u know that making Aaron spelling successful was part of his plan?? Npg2000: eye didnt know that...what exactly did he say Opnmind: Ohh he said..hes the moses of the 90's!! Npg2000:This is very interesting if you speak with him again eye would be very interested in working with this MR aaron Spelling for a NPG show..about the truth Samnation: Charmed Is super!! Ransom:i need a show about myself ;) Npg2000:all is goin well... Npg2000:mecca lecca Hi mecca hiny Ho samnation: isnt that from Pee wee hermans playhouse?? Opnmind:Blasphemy!!! That is a ancient spiritual hymn Npg2000:No actually its from pee wee herman god eye love that show and the secret word is truth. Npg2000:ahhhhh Opnmind:well IM sure pee wee herman got spiritual enlightenment from Betty Eadie Into the light such a experience....to behold Npg2000:did u see her on Oprah? The creator has blessed her with divine insight on the truth Opnmind: yes.... Npg2000:lets follow this train of thinking How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood samnation:<back from eating Ho Ho's> Hi what did I miss!! Npg2000:train of thought training sessions Opnmind:a woodchuck is a pagan word I read it ...in cosmo Npg2000:Interesting ...we must not show any pictures of woodchucks on the site Opnmind: Yes how about we call it www.angelslovelight.com Npg2000:that is a step in the right direction PierreLegrind:I think it should go in that direction .. Npg2000:eye think eye understand why capri sun comes in those foil pouches Opnmind: why is that? Npg2000:Locks in flavor Opnmind: yes eye love Capri Sun Samnation:So do I!! Pierre Le grind:Capri-meaning enlightening Capri Sun :) Npg2000: Interesting.... Truth-US: Yes..... Ransom: I knew that ;) Npg2000:Love is in need of love today who said that? Opnmind: O(+>? Npg2000: No stevie wonder... Opnmind: eye love that song parttime lover... Npg2000: this site should be TRUTH...and Love no negativity energy Opnmind: that means no reviews of the artists work in a negative light!! Ransom: they should have a section on me ;) Truth-Us:have u looked at my list for possible names.. Npg2000: Yes it looks good... Truth-Us: you see oprah recently? they all wear the angel network pajamas!!! eye have some :O) Npg2000:This site will be complete in the 5th dimension more fantastic than Dr Who Opnmind:which Dr? Npg2000: no Dr who its a public Tv show from the BBC which deals in Science Fiction and Fantasy Pierre LE grind: This site should have columns written by me after all i know the truth and theres no point to badmouth perfection in the artists album reviews Npg2000:good point ... maybe we could contact this aaron spelling and have a NPG show..... Pierre Le grind: That would be wonderful Opnmind: Yes... Npg2000: did we order the cloaks?? Opnmind: yes eye got them in only light colors do u get the meaning? Npg2000: Yes. to be covered in colored Light not darkness represents our true spirit ............. Disclaimer: this conversation never took place.. had it did it would have been more nutty Look for Part 2... to unravel the mystery of Oprah Cheese Maytes Dogs ...Love on the internet a review of the new Tom Hanks film Uve got mail... All these people ...must realize if u become a sheep and u follow instead of...voice your true ideas we lose a sense of individuality. My advice to the following is let objective points of view come in more. None of us really know the plan for if we did... there would be no debate on what is truth . Truth is in the eye of the beholder. To tell somebody that their truth is wrong is kind of childish. Maybe you should practice what u preach and have a OPENMIND instead of a Drone like mind. Merry Xmas Kwanza Hollidays whatever in the past these holidays stood for is not important I believe because of the good that comes out every year Humans showin their good side. True we have alot of negative sides durin Xmas Suicides...Poverty War...etc But what is important realizing if u do somethin just a little it matters Cliche but true... Which I like the original idea.. that stood for L40a but to me its very sheepish in their meetings and beliefs which isnt really what Love is about. Not to close out one persons beliefs. I dont disbelieve everything Npg2000 and the L40a stands up for. But I do question. As is the nature of a Human. This satire was not made to offend..only to show or maybe have those participants see" would u think like that if that somebody wasnt there?".. What are your true feelings? voice them Dont continue the circle of Internet Jim Jones cult for L40a. Stand up and speak your mind instead of the one your trying to impress. And maybe if you do that more people on amp will dig where your coming from. Until then...you are always goin to have naysayers. And deep down u know what? I bet the positivos<l40acult> really enjoy that competition. somethin to think about..
You're obsessed with Prince if...
by Gyrl6@webtv.net (and others) on alt.music.prince This is all in fun, please don't take offense to any of this. feel free to add to this list. You are obsessed w/ Prince if... You can speak the dialog of any Prince movie w/out even looking at it. You answer the phone w/ "What it is?" After watching a Prince movie you head towards the mall to find the same clothes similar to what you Prince wore in the movie. You try to emulate Princes clothes & hair style & think having a "typhoon" will make you cool. You & 2 of your friends think you can be the next "6" act for Prince. You name your Pet after Prince or 1 of his associates. You name your child after Prince or 1 of his associates. You have no more hard drive space on your 11 gigabyte hard drive cause it's full of Prince MP3s & videos. Your local record store knows you by first name bases & reserves the latest Prince releases for you. You don't invest in the stock market or mutual funds but find investing $40 a week on Prince is much better. You watch "UTCM" & think you can be a gigolo too. You have a Prince shrine & screen saver on your computer. Your girlfriend calls you "Kid" & you call her "Apollonia". You consider starting a Prince fanzine You don't recognize any of the top 40 songs cause all you listen to is Prince. You have Prince related vanity plates on your car. You join a Prince mailing list. You are a moderator of a Prince mailing list. Your significant other looks like Prince or Mayte. Your family worrys about you cause all you watch & listen to is Prince stuff. You go to Minneapolis to visit certain places from scenes that you saw in "Purple Rain". You always say your broke, but you always find a way to buy the latest Thunderball release. You just have to have that NPG Hockey Jersey. Prince becomes an investment. Prince makes you want to get in the music business. You start to think you were Prince in a past life & he was you in a past life. When your at a red light, the car next to you thinks your a freak cause you got Prince music blasting. Your VCR is hot from recording Prince videos for all your friends. The utter name of Carmen Electra makes you shriek. Your room is plastered with Prince posters. Choas & Disorder doesn't sound that bad. by jmhall@cybermax.net: You substitute letters and numbers for words in your non formal writing. You paid full price to see Grafiti Bridge the day it was released in theatres and wondered why the theatre was so empty. You take the day off from work on the day of a new Prince release so that you can get it as soon as its released in the "wreka stow" and spend the whole day listening to it. (I actually did this with Emancipation and TGE) You paid full price to go see Grafiti Bridge at the movies a 2nd. time. You use Prince's albums as a point of reference for keeping track of time. For example, I met my friend John a few days after I bought SOTT, so it must have been 1987. You've sewn buttons along the outer seam of a pair of your pants. You can't understand why "Purple Rain" didn't make the National Film Institute's list of the 100 best movies of all time. You pay full price for a CD of an artist you wouldn't normally buy just because there are one or two songs that Prince had some involvement in. (i.e. Patti LaBelle's Be Yourself & Madonna's Like a Prayer) by kilio@aol.com: 1. you hated Rick James as a teenager 2. you hated MJ as a teenager 3. you sold half of you CD collection so you could buy tickets to a Prince concert 4. you slept outside in the dead of winter for concert tickets 5. you remember every setting on your stereo to improve the quality of each bad boot you own by nikkothomas@usa.net: 1. ...you have the items in your Prince collection separated from the "general stuff" in your music collection. 2. ...you call yourself his "friend," not his fan. 3. ...you got interested in Larry Graham & Graham Central Station in the last year. 4. ...you have plans to write a screenplay so Prince can finally act in a movie with a plot. 5. ...your response to your friends is, "Well, Cassius Clay changed his name, too!" 6. ...you cry when you miss a televised Prince performance. 7. ...you are ready to fight when someone says, "Prince who?" 8. ...you can identify samples of Prince songs within the first five seconds of hearing them. 9. ...you keep songs with Prince samples in your collection 10. ...you thought Apollonia could sing. 11. ...you thought Graffiti Bridge should have been a commercial success as a movie and a soundtrack. 12. ...you got mad when he appeared on Oprah and she went on and on about how "pretty" Prince looked. 13. ...you think one album a year isn't enough music from Prince. 14. ...you hate Warner Bros. 15. ...you have/had "slave" scrawled on your face. 16. ...you try to do the dance steps at the end of the When Doves Cry video whenever the video plays. 17. ...you believe he wrote every single song he has credit for. 18. ...you correct the end of #17 with, "...for which he has credit." 19. ...you post regularly on alt.music.prince 20. ...you lurk on alt.music.prince 22. ... you post a list of prince obsessions to alt.music.prince in which you point out that posting on alt.music.prince is grounds for obsession. 22. ...you sometimes look in the mirror and remark to yourself how much you look like prince or a prince associate 23. ...you know the names of the two women with Vanity in the group Vanity 6. (same for Apollonia 6) 24. ...you know why Vanity 6 is called Vanity 6 and not Vanity 3 (same for Apollonia 6) 25. ...you were waiting for Vanity/Denise Matthews to testify in the OJ Simpson trial when it came out that Mark Furham had met her. 26. ...you thought We Are the World would have been better with a guitar solo from Prince and if that couldn't happen then forget the whole thing! 27....you thought it was kinda cool that Prince was sucking on a lollipop during the singing of We Are the World at the end of whatever-awards-show-it-was. (After all, he didn't get a guitar solo!) 28....you give Prince vicarious credit for the existence of other artists. (Example: If Prince had not worked with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, there wouldn't be a Janet Jackson) 29....you enjoy pointing out that Michael Jackson is now "the strange one" 30...you have the poster of Camille on your wall. 31...you have the symbol tattooed somewhere on your body. 32...you write a list of Prince obsession habits, such as this one, and you are debating whether you should have called him The Artist. by 1eyedbass@space.net: *your boots are shelved chronologically in uncracked jewel boxes. *your posts to alt.music.prince are hard to read. (U no what -eye-'m trying 2 say...) *you have a secret wish that you'd known about AMP in "the old days".... *you know anyone who knows what "AMP" means outside this NG. *people tell you about TV appearences a week in advance and you say: "thanks, but i already got my VCR programmed". *you've never heard: babies makin' babies, the jam, maybe your baby, etc. before you heard p do them.....(SHAME on all of you) *animal kingdom: "...made you think...." *you've actually taken captain cruch and edensoy to a checkout line. *some bar band is doing a pretty good job at a version of "kiss" and you can't say anything nice. *early adolescent exposure to a prince movie led to purple paintjob on mom's 69 chevy. (i'm OVER it, ok) ;) *you've actually taken captain cruch and edensoy to a checkout line. by azifwekare@aol.com: The phrase "And that says what..." is in your normal vocabulary. You complain about everything he says, does, and releases, yet still buy every album and single, and record every television appearance. You wish Jerome Benton was still a public figure. You can connect any famous person to Prince in six degrees or less (a la the Kevin Bacon game) You own Good Question or Tony LeMans on CD. You couldn't stand Joni Mitchell until you heard "The Ballad Of Dorothy Parker" You bought the majority of the albums on the NPG Top 10 list (on the old www.thedawn.com website) after seeing them listed there. You like "White Mansion." :) You proclaim Prince's superiority to the offline population, but proclaim another's superiority to the online population. Your e-mail address has a prince reference in it. You bought an album of orchestral versions of Prince songs, even though everyone told you that the album sucked. You bought a John Prine album.. just out of curiosity. You make it a point to tell everyone that Prince screwed Carmen Electra before anyone else knew who she was. You complain whenever you see that your favorite record store doesn't have a copy of "Sign O' The Times" or "Dirty Mind" in stock. You have two copies of every limited edition prince album... one of them still in the wrapper. You have a list of all the Prince items you own. You have a list of all the Prince items you own posted on the internet. You update your list of all the Prince items you own. You update you list of all the Prince items you own daily. You know every obscure fact about Prince, but can't remember the names of your family members. You do/did projects in school that are either based on Prince, or contain obscure Prince references. You're a member of an unofficial Mayte fan club. You've *ever* imitated the infamous Prince yelp. You own every Tennis accessory with the "Prince" brand name on it. You actually like "Soul Psychedelicide." You occasionally draw the symbol on your hand in ink. You've listened to TC Ellis' album more than once. You paid normal CD price for any Prince protege' album that was released on Paisley Park. You browse through the Prince section at the record store even though you already have everything there. You've paid more than $25 for any Prince related CD. You've paid more than $25 for any Prince related single. You're going to buy all the Spice Girls cds just because Scary Spice did an interview with Prince. You've ordered from 1-800-New-Funk more than once in the last year. You still follow the careers of any of the following: Carmen Electra, Sheena Easton, Bobby Z, Diamond and/or Pearl. You own Matt Fink's "Music of the Angels." You enjoy Matt Fink's "Music of the Angels." You think Prince wrote "Waterfalls." You've seen Fargo 25 times, but keep missing the scene with Prince in it. You own the Kim Basinger boot. You know who Femi Jiya is. The only Graham Central Station songs you know are the ones that P has performed live. by Dee Vance: 1.) You wait until your significant other leaves the house to rewatch ALL the Prince videos. 2.) You have 1-800-new-funk on speed dial. 3.) The one poor guy working at NEW-FUNK knows you by name. 4.) You own two Crystal Balls: the round on from online that you keep at home and the jewel boxed one you got at Sam Goody that you keep at work! 5.) You check Le Grind twice a day cause you never know what Pierre Igot might find. 6.) You've meet at least two online friends thru Prince related sites. 7.) You have all the ticket stubs from every Prince concert you've ever been to and you wouldn't give them up for any amount of money. 8.) You read and consider all that spiritual stuff on love4oneanother. 9.) When the news comes on, you pay attention to the weather in Minnesota even though you live in another state far, far away. 10.) You keep track of where the man is on the planet, but you don't know where your husband just went! (sidetrack: You are obsessed with Morris Day if...) by rhastus69@aol.com: 1. You can quote all his dialog from Purple Rain and Graffitti Bridge 2. The Only Dance you can do is the bird 3. You follow the Time around like there the Grateful Dead or something 4. You watching Moving just to see Morris' for five minutes 5. You watch the first 5 minutes of 227 in hope of it being the one with Morris on it 6. You have all six episodes of New Attitude and the pilot to Heart and Soul on tape 7. You like Guaranteed 8. You bought some cheesy issue of Right On in the 80's cause it had a poster of Morris in it 9. You know what the Lamar experience is 10 You have 12 copies of Ice Cream Castles in Vinyl 12 YOUNT 12. You have lyrics from a time song in your signiture
You're a Prince naysayer if...
by citi_surfa@my-dejanews.com on alt.music.prince You're a Prince naysayer if... 1. If you believe the *real* Prince is on an isolated island. 2. If you don't believe everything is Larry Graham's fault. 3. If you have your cd's separated by: *good* Prince / *evil* Prince. 4. If you believe he's gonna divorce Mayte, but not re-marry her. 5. While listening to your discman a co-worker/friend asks you what your listening to, you mumble under your breath "Prince". 6. You only watch O(+> interviews hoping to see the *real* Prince crash the interview and say, "I'm back!"....and then preceeds to kick O(+> ass. 7. Whenever you see JW's on your block, you anticipately wait...answer your door see Prince and then hysterically laugh pissin' your pants. 8. You skip a post because it is written in Princebonics. 9. You believe that L4OA really stands for L41$. 10. You listen to any disc before '93 and say, "he *was* funky". 11. You interpret "Coming Soon" to, "YA aint GOnna get it!". 12. You walk in a music store and don't check the Prince bin. 13. Instead of CONtracts he should CONcentrate on his music. hmm, anymore? Citi
Anagrams
See http://www.anagramgenius.com/ for more possibilities! The artist formerly known as Prince = No first-rate workmanship recently. Prince and the Revolution = Preach loud intervention. = Piano venture to children. The Artist's new album, Newpowersoul = Well! pretentious warmth abuses now. = Up blows menstruation waterwheels. = Oh wow! swept reusable instrumental. = Amen! well-thrown up worsts beauties. = Oh wow! Blast it! premature unless new.
Why O(+> Wasn't At the MTV Music Awards
by PurpleMusic@webtv.net top ten reasons the artist didn't attend the 1998 "m.t.v. video music awards": 10. three words: "must see t.v."... 9. he doesn't believe in "pagan" award shows... 8. m.t.v. wouldn't allow a "stauros speech"... 7. mayte refused to "get jiggy wit' it"... 6. his henna artist already had plans. damn you, madonna!... 5. he would be forced to sit in the back rows with lenny kravitz and master p's dancers... 4. he didn't want to pass up "gumbo night" at chaka's... 3. he and the band didn't have a thing to wear: marilyn manson took the artist's "no-butt" pants, while the flip mode squad took the n.p.g.'s matching "bolero" costumes... 2. didn't want to re-ignite and/or get caught up in that little squabble between brandy and monica... and the number one reason the artist didn't attend the 1998 "m.t.v. video music awards": 1. he misplaced his damn ticket voucher!
O(+> Tour Sponsors
by PurpleMusic@webtv.net i was thinking today about how much my concord pavilion concert tickets cost and i got to brainstorming about ways in which the artist could save on touring expenses (in hopes that he would pass the savings on to us so that our wallets, purses or whatever wouldn't be so drained) and i figured it out... a tour sponsor!... not just ANY tour sponsor, mind you, but one that would "get their promo on" while not "drastically" changing the name of the tour itself (JAM of the year)... well, here's what i've come up with... what the artist could change the name of the tour to, if the tour was sponsored by: major league baseball- grand slam of the year a certain tourist stop in the u.s.- hoover dam of the year dodge/chrysler pickups- ram of the year george michael and andrew ridgeley- wham of the year heidi fleiss- madame of the year oliver stone- vietnam of the year a certain butter substitute- pam of the year any of the following foods- clam of the year lamb of the year yam of the year the world wrestling federation- slam of the year a bunch of filthy rich supermodels- glam of the year a bunch of prostitutes & pimps- wham, bam, thank you ma'am of the year the u.s. government- uncle sam of the year columbia's drug cartel- gram of the year the flintstone and rubble families- bam-bam of the year the bay area fans- bay fam of the year the other white meat- ham of the year hormel foods corporation- spam of the year (what the heck!) smuckers- jam of the year the jehovah's witnesses- larry graham of the year O(+>, baby, work with me here, let's make this happen! have your people call PM's people! ~PM~... out! (all brand names are used without consent of their respective manufacturers, so, ummm, londell if you're available to represent me...)
Mayte's Dad's Member Profile on AOL
Member Name: Mayte's Dad: Mr. Garcia to you people Location: I live in a beautiful house that we got because our daughter shaked her ass for over 15 years.... But i hate that stupid sword dance that she does Birthdate: the older I get the richer I am Sex: Male Marital Status: Married to Mrs. Garcia.... Hobbies: Turning the television off whenever my son in law is on, or changing the radio station Computers: the one my son in law gave me when he put me in charge of the "Crystal Ball" set... ok ok ok Im sorry I messed up. So what!!!! Occupation: Putting my hand out and having Mayte give me her check Personal Quote: I wish I would of taken her to see Kenny Rogers in 1990 in Spain.... damn me!!!"
Top 10 Things Being Sold at The "New" JOTY Tour
by PurpleMusic@webtv.net Top 10 new items being sold at the new "jam of the year" shows... 10. Chaka-late covered graham crackers 9. Kirky's "t.k.o." c.d. (dammit if we can't get rid of these things!) 8. "I went to the artist's concert and all i got was this stupid overpriced t-shirt" t-shirts 7. "Racy rhonda" skirts (available only in "short" lengths) 6. Chain mail hats available either in "act 1", love boat's captain Stubing/larry graham, or "big floppy mayte hat" styles 5. "Promoting lies is a dangerous game... ONE'S EVERLASTING LIFE IS IN THE BALANCE... love 4 one another and have a nice day" bumper stickers 4. "Mr. Hayes' handy-dandy head-shaving kit" 3. The "n.p.g. era" condoms! available in a package of 14 (two weeks worth!), these NEW condoms "come" printed with a different n.p.g. song title on each one: "cream", "gett off", "the max", "the flow", "p control", "i like it there", "had u", "get yo groove on", "we gets up", "let's have a baby", "face down", "sleep around", "mad sex", and "push it up" (c'mon! it'd be too easy to use songs that have "come" in the title!) 2. n.p.g. band member job applications. "temporary positions only. must be willing to re-locate and hope to get paid later" and the number 1 new item being sold, that NO fan or friend of the artist should be without... 1. Stauros keychains ("somebody lied, about where you should keep the keys to your ride!") "4 the latest items, b sure 2 sign up on our j.w. interest, uhh, we mean n.p.g. mailing list" and of course i'll be selling my "awake/watchtower" waving-sign things outside of the pavilion... or you can pre-order one now... ~PM~... out!
Stauroshenge: O(+> meets Spinal Tap
by gerree serrels (gerree@sprynet.com) Is it my imagination, or did TAFKAP's overwrought "Stauros" performance on the Essence Awards look a lot like that famous funny "Stonehenge" scene from 'This is Spinal Tap' the movie? Here's some similarities: 1. a. During a concert, Christopher Guest describes "Stonehenge" in a monologue preceeding the song, which sounds really cheezy and melodramatic. A lot of smoke is used for effect. No one seems to know where they're going with it. b. During Essence, TAFKAP describes "Stauros" in a monologue preceeding the song, which sounds really cheezy and melodramatic. A lot of smoke is used for effect. No one seems to know what he's talking about. 2. a. Christopher Guest has gold sparkles around his eyes. b. TAFKAP has gold sparkles around his ears. 3. a. In Spinal Tap, a small replica of Stonehenge appears out of nowhere behind the band. b. In Essence, the words "A Wooden Stake or Pole" appear out of nowhere behind TAFKAP. 4. a. In Spinal Tap, real dwarfs wearing funny shoes dance around the miniature Stonehenge. b. In Essence, a dwarf-like TAFKAP wearing funny shoes (even though we can't really see them through the smoke, we know they're there!) dances around the stage like a miniature Sly Stone. 5. a. Spinal Tap constantly annoys would-be listeners with stupid song lyrics. b. TAFKAP constantly annoys long-time listeners by changing his good song lyrics to stupid ones. 6. Like Guest, Christopher is one of TAFKAP's alias'. Also Christopher contains the word 'Christ' which is the word TAFKAP substituted for the original lyric "The Cross", which is exactly how fans felt when they saw/heard this silly rendition. Other similarities to the movie (uncanny, I tell you): 6. a. Spinal is not a real band, as much some of people would like to believe it. b. 0(+> is not a real word, as much as most people would like to be able to pronounce it. 7. a. Spinal Tap releases "Smell the Glove" with an all-black album cover. Guest states "How much more black could it be?" To their great disappointment, it receives little publicity and sells very few copies. b. TAFKAP recalls "The Black Album". He states that "The dark side of me allowed me to create something evil." To his great disappointment, it receives a staggering amount of publicity and sells a whole lot of copies. 8. a. Spinal Tap is way past their prime and only popular overseas. b. Need I say more????
Top Ten New Stage Effects
by MikeR0478@aol.com 10. Throwing "purple grain" out to the audience 9. Cross shaped guitar that has no actual strings 8. Putting Kirk J on a "stravos" (or whatever the hell it is) behind his drumset 7. Suspends Appolonia above the stage and plays feedback at her for being a "bad girl" 6. Puts the NPG in monk outfits for the show 5. Aftershow held in a 3rd grade youth retreat, plays only reworked mixes of hymns 4. Making Levi Seacer jr. walk to the stage with a bunch of amps glued together into a cross on his back 3. Reworks crappy songs on Emancipation, including "Sex in the Summer...after we're married", "Christ 2 Christ", "Let's have an Immaculate Conception" and "Slave (to God)" 2. Renames his band "The Purple Inquisition" 1. Nails Tony M. to a cross during new version of "Sexy Mary Magdalane"
Top 10 Reasons Proposed US Concerts Were Canceled
mikea7@ix.netcom.com (Michael Antonich) on 14 Mar 1996 From the home office in Madison Heights, Michigan: THE TOP 10 REASONS THE PROPOSED US CONCERTS WERE CANCELLED 10. O+> thought they were going to be in Detroit, UK and Washington, Germany. 9. O+> felt "enslaved" by the agreement to hold the concerts. 8. O+> demanded all ticket sales go towards the Love 4 One Another fund and Ticketmaster refused. 7. O+> too busy filming videos for another batch of unreleased songs. 6. O+> decided time would be better spent taking Lamaze classes with Mayte. 5. Cancelling TV and public appearances wasn't enough to get rid of those pesky US fans so O+> figured cancelling concerts should do it. 4. Hey he just played 3 shows in Hawaii and thats in the US, what more do fans want?? 3. O+> didn't want to risk the possibility of becoming popular or selling records again in the US. 2. O+> now feuding with Morris Day again after Morris confronted him about that "Wooden Leg" dance routine he used to do. 1. O+> got pissed at hearing people say "Hey, who is that old guy opening for D'angelo?"
Top Ten Surprises on the Upcoming US O(+> Tour
by Matt Conrad 10) Souvenier Tour Shirts replaced with Souvenier Backless Pants 9) During an instrumental jam, O(+> runs offstage to the concession stand for a jumbo order of nachos 8) After announcing that he'd like to do a few covers in honor of some artists that he greatly respects, O(+> kicks things off with "Y.M.C.A." 7) Due to the lack of a band, tour posters ask audience members to bring instruments to the show 6) Not once does O(+> give a speech about some project that'll never see the light of day 5) In the middle of show, O(+> announces "Remember those donations you sent in for Emancipation? Well, um, I decided to make another batch of videos instead, so we'll be passing around a collection basket." 4) O(+> suffers a momentary memory lapse and starts one show off with the "Let's Go Crazy" speech 3) C.J. comes onstage to do a duet of "Billy Jack Bitch" with O(+> 2) After "Days of Wild" is introduced as "something for only the funky folks," security guards proceed to physically remove the non-funky folks 1) O(+> dedicates "Eye Hate U" to "that guy who keeps posting those damn Top Ten lists on the Internet"
Top Ten "Financial Aid" Tactics in the Paisley camp
by Matt Conrad We've all heard rumors that O(+>/Paisley Park are in financial trouble. Although in interviews, O(+> has stated that "it's all good," we're all aware of the cost-cutting moves in recent times (the laying-off of the NPG, closing of the MPLS NPG store, etc.). But, I'm pretty sure that we're *not* aware of *all* the "financial aid" tactics that O(+>/Paisley Park have implemented. I hired a reporter and sent him up to MPLS, and after reading his report, I present, from the home office in Teter Quad: *Top Ten "Financial Aid" Tactics in the Paisley camp* 10) No more Paisley Park keg parties for U. Minn students (go Gerbils!, um, I mean Gophers) 9) Out: NPG In: Chanhassen High School Marching Band 8) O(+> was spotted at a local McDonald's last week . . . surprisingly, he *declined* the offer to "Super-size" his Extra Value Meal for 39 cents 7) There's a new organist working Twins' games at the Metrodome. HINT: He does one pretty damn funky rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game!" 6) Domino's Pizza orders going to Paisley Park no longer specify "extra cheese" 5) No more albums on "hard" media; call 1-900-NEW-FUNK and hold a tape recorder to the earpiece 4) Chanhassen Post Office reports one of those infomercial "No Money Down!" get-rich-quick plans being delivered to 7801 Audubon Road. 3) Paisley Park has offered to pay debts with unsold copies of the Girl 6 soundtrack 2) Advertisers may now "sponsor" individual songs (e.g. during "Starfish and Coffee": "We've secretly replaced the coffee that Sonny T. usually drinks with Folger's crystals. Let's see if he can tell the difference!") 1) PPML moderators billed for use of Paisley Park name
Top 10 Features at the "New" Dawn Website
by Matt Conrad(?) *Top Ten Features at the "New" Dawn Website* 10) Fargo added to videos for sale 9) Contest: The winner gets to play Tamborine on Emancipation 8) New feedback form: What hairstyles would you like to see from the Artist? 7) JavaScript mailbomber ("Remember folks, that's root@wbr.com!) 6) "The NPG is now accepting applications! $5/hr to start . . . uniforms are provided!" 5) Another contest: winner receives a girlfriend, selected from the Artist's personal collection. 4) Recall notice for "Purple Rain Coats" condoms ("The Artist says, 'I found out the hard way!'") 3) Live chat with the Artist! Yes, he'll be online and ready to answer inane newbie questions ("So, how do you pronounce your name?") 2) New RealAudio streams: "Songs from the Vault that really should stay there" 1) A decent editor
A Day in the Life of O(+>
by ?, forwarded to ripop Many of U probably wonder what the man does every day. He's just human like U and me, right? Below is a schedule of TAFKAP's day, sold 2 me of course by a disgruntled employee who remains nameless (hint: Its Tony M.). 6:00-7:00 Wakes up and records album full of music. 7:00-8:00 Frees poor, mistreated cows from their cruel Minnesota farmer owners. 8:00-8:05 Eats small bowl of Captain Crunch (w/soy milk) 8:05-10:00 Takes shower and changes into first outfit of the day. Records his singing in the shower 4 later release. 10:00-12:00 Wakes up his beloved Mayte. Has Mayte belly dance 4 him 4 "inspiration". 12:00-1:00 After inspirational belly dance, must shower and change clothes again. 1:00-1:05 Berates his maids, Diamond and Pearl, 4 their poor housekeeping. 1:05-2:00 Goes 2 MacDonald's with Mayte. Orders soy burger. Says "hi" to assistant manager, Tony M. 2:00-3:00 MacDonald's makes him feel grungy. Changes clothes. 3:00-6:00 Mayte can't get him off the damn AOL. He uses screen name "Smurf2000". 6:00-7:00 His head chef, Dez Dickerson, makes a scrumptious Crunchberry Souffle. 7:00-8:00 Changes clothes, prepares 2 either give a surprise concert at the local Chuck E. Cheese or go 2 a Knicks game w/ Spike, whom the man calls "grasshopper". 8:00-11:00 Does his thang!!!! 11:00-12:00 Calls ex-employees. Laughs hysterically and hangs up. 12:00-1:00 Changes into purple robe and bedroom slippers w/2 inch heels. Shows Mayte the crown jewels. 1:00-2:30 Calls the band and asks them 2 come over 4 jam session. 2:30-3:00 Sleeps. 3:00-5:00 Runs 2 fridge 4 late night snack (1 piece of lettuce). Records album of new material. Shoots hoops and makes 17 free throws in a row. 5:00-6:00 Sleeps. Dreams he's Michael Jackson. Shrieks until Mayte consoles him with belly dance.
Acknowledge Me (The Patience Wears Thin Remix)
by ?, forwarded to ripop Acknowledge Me (The Patience Wears Thin Remix) ---------------------------------------------- Hey! Say brotha, what U waitin' on? U know this ain't the way that it should be What U waitin' on? Acknowledge me Acknowledge me, don't dog me anymore I placed my order in the beginning and I can't take it anymore Acknowledge me, I thought u were my friend But u can't even tell me when will all this bullshit end I ordered long ago, now I'm wonderin' why Everybody called the number, so I ordered mine I thought it would come right to me But now a year's gone by And so it looks like I have to find The nearest Best Buy So I've gotta know How can u give the Ball to another When I've been waiting patiently Now it seems I'm just another sucker I paid extra time and money for a Kama Sutra cd Acknowledge me, don't dog me anymore I should have had my Crystal Ball Long before any retail store Acknowledge me, I thought u were my friend But u can't even tell me when will all this bullshit end I'm checking the mail box But the Ball isn't there I don't know anyone who has it anywhere Everyday that goes by is another day I want it more If I had a million dollars I think I'd open a Best Buy store Can your ego handle the story About the way its supposed to be I would shower praise and glory On whoever is the first to give u The asswhoopin' that u need! Acknowledge me, don't dog me anymore I placed my order in the beginning and I can't take it anymore Acknowledge me, I thought u were my friend But u can't even tell me when will all this bullshit end Not that u care 4 a silly rhyme Tellin' it like it is But look at me brotha, what can I say? This is still the music biz I could be getting it from Moonraker anyway Ain't nothin' but a thang to me But how can u ignore your fans when they're on their knees Beggin' u please please please Gimme, gimme, gimme a release date to count on Gimme, gimme jams I can't do without Slaves to the rhythm Yeah brotha, that's what I do believe I am talkin' about U wanna know how long before we go? We're tired of getting dissed Acknowledge us brotha U got 2 or u can kiss How can u give the Ball to another? (How can u brotha?) Betray your fans' loyalty (Your biggest fans' loyalty) U better do right by us my brotha (U better do right) U say that u're our friend And then u act like an enemy Acknowledge me Acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge Acknowledge me Acknowledge me, don't dog me anymore I should have had my Crystal Ball Long before any retail store Acknowledge me, if u were really my friend U would once and 4 all put this charade to an end ----------------------------------------------------- Liner Notes: Needs little explanation. Inspired by apparently fabricated reports on L4OA. Graham Central Station's "We've Been Waiting" pumped on endless repeat in the background. ----------------------------------------------------- Credits: All percussion done by a real drummer. Contains a sample of Tony M. saying "May I take your order". Tony M appears courtesy of McDonalds in MPLS. Additional sound effects by Kirky J -- bound and gagged in the corner. Rhonda Smith appears just because she looks good. Copyright (c) 1998 ParodyLikeIts1999 Productions
'Steam' not 'Cream'
from Mirrorrorrimage@webtv.net (MadSex first parodied L4OA with:) The awakening continues as Cream becomes Steam...cows r 4 calves...isn't Steam hotter and wetter anyway? Love is 2 die 4 not 2 abuse...our animal neighbors r not for consumption but 4 companion....a lyric or a song is as true as gospel no? Steam...get on top...the way it is and should be...the funk cannot be made less by compassion... He's not talking about CREAM. He's talking about STEAM silly boy. Culled from the vaults at paisley park this updated version is based on 0(+> and Mayte's first year of marriage. What basically follows below is a culinary lesson 0(+> gives to Mayte. Her 1st. It basically describes how to make 0(+>'s favorite beverage. Something he hopes she can do, so he won't have to fine her again. Our fingers are crossed, for Mayte's sake. The new version is as follows: 1st verse: This is it / it's time 4 U 2 put on the fire / Get it lit / cuz U got the learning desire / Almost time / U got the kettle, so why hasn't it blown yet / Ok it's fine / When it whistles, baby that's when U know it / Chorus: STEAM / Is It hot? / STEAM / In boiling pot / STEAM / Don't U drop/ STEAM / Cuz my tea means alot 2nd verse: It's so good / Baby there ain't no tea any better / So U should / Never, let the bag get any wetter/ Don't let it cool / Every bag must be a success / Makes me full / At being anorexic I'm the best / Yes I am Chorus Take a stance / Don't U dare wait any longer / Take a chance / Of only making my tea stronger / Way past time / U checked the pot, and it still hasn't blown yet?/ U burnt water / U can't cook, now baby we know it / I know it Chorus Fade
Suggested Tour Names
from PurpleMusic@webtv.net suggested names if it's a "religious-themed" tour... "hajj-quake"?... "pilgrimage rain"?... "crusade tracy's parade"?... the "into the enlightenment" tour"?... the "trinity tour" featuring the artist, chaka khan, and larry graham?...
Name Calling
from all over the place... Love 4 One Another == Coats4OneAnother Lies4OneAndAll Pierre Igot == Pierre Idiot Le Grind == Le Blind TAFKAP == The Artist Formerly Known The Artist Formerly Known as Successful (Elton John's comment 4/98) The Artist Whose Birth Certificate Reads Prince Rogers Nelson The Artist Who Used To Be Able To Take Constructive Criticism But Instead Fires Those With Differing Opinions 1-800-NEW-FUNK == 1800 FUCKU UPTHEASS 1800 NO FUNK 1800 DUMBFUCK 1800 NEW JOKE 1800 NEW FLUNK 1800 OLD JUNK 1800 KNOW NOTHING 1800 NEW-WAY-2-FUCK U 1800 RIP OFF 1800 WHY BOTHER 1800 NEW WAYS TO NOT DO BUSINESS 1800 YOU'RE FUCKED 1800 POST-ITS (for the CB ordering "system") 1800 YOU STUNK 1-800-Days-Till-Your-CB-Gets-Mailed-Out 1-800-No-Clue-Whatsoever
New Song Titles
from patrick harmeyer (bigfun@webtv.net) Little Red Christvette Lets Go Christzy Get Yo Christ On Christopher Tracey's Parade (oh sorry, real song) The Christenental Housechrist Billy Jack Christ Christroversy from The Little One (email?) Get Yo Shroud On Come Back, Christ (It's-Been-2000-Damn-Years Remix) Let's Pretend We're Christ from Patrick Andrew Norris (pan1@Ra.MsState.Edu) How about: If I Was Your Messiah (would you let me bless you?) Stauros and Coffee Baby, I'm On A Stauros On This Stauros I Scream Chris(t) (formerly known as Kiss) DMCR (Dance Music Christ Romance) She's Always on My Stauros Friend, Lover, Sister, Mother/Christ Christquake 2 Jehovah's Witnesses United 4 West Compton
Miscellaneous
.sig line: Prince '91: "money don't matter 2 night." O(+> '98: "i'm still #1 at the bank!"
New Letter from L. Londell
posted to the PPML by from "Si" simon_mulvey@email.msn.com Hi all, I have a new letter for everone! Sounds serious! ---------------------------------------------------- Message to all readers of the PPML-From Lawyer firm "Londell McShithead" It has come to our attention that some readers on this page are in breach of the Artist law. We have noticed than there has been an increase in posts containing "Sensible Criticism". The use of "Sense" is considered a breach of Artists civil rights and must stop. We do not want to stop fan sites and discussion, but sense, criticism, logic and sharing of free music is strictly prohibited. Music is only free when it suits Parsley Park Productions. This will be drip fed in remixed doses when the park sees fit. The promotion of material known as "Bootlegs" must stop. Not only does this effect potential sales of material that would never be release in the first place, but the quality of production and packaging is in danger of pleasing fans. Non compliance will result in the Park having to issue more remixes on you (and a Kirky J & Tony M album). All readers must send to us all their material, wallets, freedom and brains without delay or action will be taken. Oh, and can we have your coats as well. All good web sites must also cease. It has come to the artists attention that these sites are too good and are making the official site "Crap4oneanother" look stupid. If any web site wishes to remain, it must contain the following: 1. News - All news items must be written in stupid riddles and verse. 2. Discussion - Friends can freely post rubbish statements and talk about stars, love, carrots and coats. 3. Music - Only poor quality audio is permitted. This must be broadcast through outdated software. 4. Charity - All sites must make people believe that the world is wonderful and that all the money they pay for overpriced material might go to a good cause, 5. Recognise that the artist is a true genius, just like many of the worlds greatest nutters. 6. Ensure that "positivity" can be a term which can be used to hide behind and avoid criticism. 7. Be mad. Just as the Artist has. True "friends" who comply will be supplied with there very own set of Artist blinkers, which will allow them to be shielded from the cruel outside world and let them see the truth. Failure of any fan to give up logic and sense have been warned. The deadline for compliance is 1999. Just as the artist milks in millions with a lucky titled song and he really gets out of his current contract. Oh, and by the way, while we are trying to block your freedom of choice, would you mind signing our petition on the "Crap4oneanother" site. We don't own enough good material so we need the old stuff. Thanks ----------------------------------------------- Well folks, it sounds serious. I'm going to put my wallet and brain in the post right now! While I'm there, I'm gonna piss all over the petition to help a guy who keeps screwing me. Well, at least if I piss on it, I'm spreading the warmth!!!!
Parody of Days of Wild
posted by to a.m.p. by bad_dog2@hotmail.com Nays Of Wild ------------ (Hold onto your boots!) Bite me! This is a bust Ø, you sorry motherfucker, up against the wall If you don't pay my refund Within a couple of simple fuckin' days I'll Hip you to the fuckin' claims of The lawsuit I will file, Cuz these are the nays of wild - bite me! Nay, nay, nay! (hold on to your boots!) "The slave is freed"? Brother please! We're too wise for nonsense Warner Brothers was better suited for that biz Back when Prince was still a whiz Before that symbol of his Don't blame it on your fanbase (small as it is) Mentality so insane I got a CB II and it's all the rage Buy from Ø again? Not today Classic bootlegs are the only way I can hear what I want, cuz that's my style And these are the nays of wild - bite me! These are the nays of wild These are the nays of wild Call NewFunk again? I don't think so I only did once, but I regret it though I hit the "4" many times (Diss me?) But that's the kind of shit that make you lose your mind Is your business the type that blows? Is your business the type that swindles dough? Your public every day should be thanked Not disrespected, not raped or spanked And if The Artist ever said a word, He's a motherfuckin' liar and I was a gullible turd Now I can hear what I want, cuz that's my style And these are the nays of wild - bite me! These are the nays of wild Oh oh oh, by the way, I buy CD-Rs! "You listen to Prince?!? Now that's jack!" All the people I hang and chill with laugh behind my back Saying we all think the same, huh God bless the bootleggers, they know the game I'd rather hear a new bootlegger's tracks Than puttin' up with NewFunk -- they're high on crack T's a freezer burn compared to cool And if you don't buy boots, then who's the fool? L. McMillan, want a site to ban? Mind your own motherfucker, let a fan be a fan I can hear what I want, cuz that's my style And these are the nays of wild - bite me! These are the nays of wild - bite me! These are the nays of wild - bite me! Much props to the websites down cuz of "L" Criticizin', boot sellin', Make The Artist sue 'em, baddest websites out on the Net You know who you are More love
Parody of Pussy Control
posted by to a.m.p. by ?? Screwin on y'all!! ------------------ Uh! Yeah! Uh! Good morning Ladies & Gentlemen Buyers of the Crystal Ball This is The Artist with no name speaking And I'm here 2 screw you all With an album that's supposed 2 be bootleg But it's just songs that u already know Most profit for me, its the mayor of my brain Screwin' on y'all Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Our story begins with a teaser A little line on the Emancipation set A cool set, some great shit, u must pre-order it All cool tunes from the Prince he once was And one day over the phone U'll get ripped 4 your card and your rep With his chin up P scolded 'My bank is GOLDed' When I'm rich on yo neck I will step And step he did with a letter In pissin u off he got a master degree "I'll hire the lawyer 2 write u And kill every website that is about me" NO! Why? "So what if my fans are all triflin' They just don't know Mama didn't tell 'em what she told me Boy u keep screwin on y'all" Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Verse 2! Princey got bank in his pocket, Before CB got 2 fans' doors. If brotha didn't have credit card of his own, in the post CB never would fall And these fools around the world wanna buy it Takin' mo shit than a bit About how it gonna make P a rich man when CB is a pile of shit Prince said people u crazy if u don't know All of my fans in the world are just freaks It'll go platinum 4 times I make a million times what u make in a week So push on all the people who don't order Cuz newfunk operators do not know Boy u better act like u don't give a damn That's the way 2 sell the Crystal Ball Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Breakdown Are U ready 4 the worst deal u can ever get? Are U ready 4 the worst deal u can ever get? With one more verse 2 the story I need another piece of your ear I wanna hip U all 2 the reason I'm known as the rip off of the year Cuz I met this guy from Best Buy He can't sell International Balls CDs rolling 4 deep 3 CB's and some weepy-eyed Truth songs Man is that all? He pulled up right beside u And his phone lines all went down He said "Motherfucker, u know my reputation And I'm astounded that u're here" I fear u're pissed and u wan't want 2 know The 12 o'clock straight up nigger That didn't give a shit about your Crystal Balls Well I'm that nigger Sure, I don't wanna be But it's gonna be hard as hell 2 keep my mind off that money that me a rich man and I can SELL, SELL, SELL Can I tell u? What I'm thinkin that u already know U need a motherfucker that respects his fans Now say it "I screwed over y'all!" Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all Aaah, screwin' on y'all Screwin, screwin, screwin, screwin on y'all And the moral of this motherfucker is My fans? Make 'em think that I know U are, was, and always will be screwed over y'all Peace and be wild Say what? Oh no, don't U think about callin' me a pro I was a juvenile deliquent! Best sit your ass down Talkin' 'bout screwin on y'all Can U dig it? Aaah, screwin' on y'all Aaah, screwin' on y'all
"The Religious Experience" and "The Clean Lyrics Experience Volume 1"
by PurpleMusic@webtv.net Coming soon from NPG records! 2 new releases that r 2 retardedfunky: "The Religious Experience" and "The Clean Lyrics Experience Volume 1" The Artist re-vamps old favorites with newfunky, positive, holy lyrics on "The Religious Experience!" tracklist: 1. I Wanna Be Your Lover, But We Won't Have Sexual Intercourse Because That's Pre-Marital Sex, and My Church Says That's Bad 2. Annie Christian Soldier 3. DMSR (Deuteronomy, Matthew, Song of Solomon, Revelation) 4. Something in the Holy Water Does Not Compute 5. The Christ 6. Diamonds, Pearls, Gold, Frankincense. and Myrrh 7. And God Created Woman, and On The Seventh Day He Rested 8. God ('98 Remix) 9. I Wish U Heaven ('98 Remix) 10. Pope ('98 Remix) 11. The Holy River ('98 Remix) 12. Saviour ('98 Remix) 13. ripop-GOD-azippa And there's more clean funk 4 u, good enough 4 your parents and any kids, on the other new release, "The Clean Lyrics Experience Volume 1!" This newpowersoul will show all the naysayers that the artist still has the biggest (crystal) balls in the business, but no naughty words here!: tracklist: 1. Oral Sex... (Head) 2. Sexually Aroused Toad 3. Irresistible Female Dog 4. Masturbate U Off 5. Scarlet Vagina 6. Sexy MotherFudger 7. Darn U... (Damn U) 8. Ejaculate... (Come) 9. 2 African-Americans United 4 West Compton 10. Vagina Control 11. Billy Jack Female Dog Pre-order now by calling 1-800-New-Funk! And remember: 4 those that know the number and don't call, fudge all y'all!
Top 10 Reasons Ø No Longer Celebrates Pagan Holidays
from the Prince Family website 10. Always get stuck at "7" during midnight countdown to New Year*s 9. Groundhog Day bust: Punxsutawney Phil sees shadow guaranteeing snow in April 8. Couldn't find seatless pants with matching bikinis and leg warmers in a nice shade of green for St. Patrick's Day 7. High heels over-aerating lawn during annual Easter Egg Hunt 6. Boston Pops refuse to change annual July 4th performance of Tchaikovsky's "1812" to Prince's "1999" 5. Employees all fired before Labor Day 4. Doorbell that plays loud scream from "Let's Go Crazy" scares away trick-or-treaters for Hallowe'en 3. Tofu turkey bombs on Thanksgiving 2. #1 at the bank no longer needing to buy Christmas gifts and now the Number One Reason Ø No longer Celebrates Pagan Holidays is: 1. No "friends" left to invite
1800NEWFUNK New Message
posted by to the PPML by Alan Eichmann: a_eichmann@yahoo.com "We wish you wouldn't be calling 1-800-NEW-FUNK. A shotgun and a map of Minnesota might come in handy. Please press number 1 for last year's product information. Please press number 2 to recieve a generic email message from us and to pay a fortune for shipping. Please press number 3 for the location of the nearest Sam Goody or Blockbuster. And if you'd like to hear this message over and over and over, please press number 4. And again, stop calling 1-800-NEW-FUNK!"
Coming soon! A New Album!
Posted to the PPML by Si, simon_mulvey@email.msn.com: Coming Soon...an new album of previously exploited material. Pre-order now. limited edition 1,000,000, available only to Friends and bank managers. Album will be sent in a limited edition polystyrene box with unique burger smell. Each box will be beautifully printed with a golden arched "M" and an embroided napkin to allow you draw your own booklet. The first 500,000 orders will have the box personally autographed by Tony M. Full track listing to be released next year when we finally get round to shipping. Known so far: 1. Love Sign (the Kirky J wonga mix) 2. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World (More versions than you can eat mix) 3. Everybody Get Loose (another funky instrumental of a good track) 4. Love Sign (the Kirky J "I've got nothing better to do" mix) 5. Cloreen Wastatime (An exciting 1 hour jam where lots of household objects are bashed repeatedly) 6. Love Sign (the Kirky J unemployed mix) 7. Gotta Stop messin about 8. A love Bizarre (An unreleased 3 minute version - commonly know as an edit) 9. She Gave her a credit Card (And charged her twice for the same thing mix) 10. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World (Never get sick of this one mix) 11. Its Very DARK (how the classic "Come" song should have sounded). 12. Tell me how you really wanna B Done 13. Profit Control 14. Love Sign ( Kirky J milk it mix) 15. Love Or $ (not hard to guess mix) 16. Excuse me (is this really all I get) 17. Had U 18. And the Classic "Brothers with a Purpose" TC Ellis & Tony M duet (Pure talent mix by Kirky J) Cost #200 [note: # is British Pounds, about $1.50?] A percentage of profit for this album will be be used to buy coats. These coats are a parka jacket with a god written on the back (normally retailing at #1, plus #500 for delivery). Each order will also receive 10 copies of the "Child of the sun" album. Please phone to order. Only one copy per customer, although we'll actually charge you for two. Some "Friends" will be given an extra suprise gift, depending on what tour merchandise is currently overstocked. When this mail order only exclusive becomes available in the stores, friends may attempt to cancel their order by standing on their head wearing in a red dress and singing "mmm bop" very loudly. Whilst this may not actually cancel the order, it will have more chance than you trying to phone us to do it. Don't miss this once in a lifetime offer. No Returns. No Refunds. No idea. No Comment. No Chance. Phone 1800 Phuq'd up now! May U live 2 see the bank. See Ya
Alternate Titles for Crystal Ball
culled from the PPML and a.m.p. crystal puck petri dish crystal stall (due to how long it took to come out) crystal bowl (likeness to a cereal bowl) $62 coaster (following from brendan patrick:) #10....Case O' Funk #9.....Sphere From Hell #8.....Toupee Tray (So yous can hold onto yo wigs!) #7.....Squirrel-Meat Saucer #6.....Two Words: DOILY HOLDER! #5.....Offering Plate (It's just a joke!) #4.....Balls In Bondage (ehhh!) #3.....RIPOPGODADISCA #2.....Crystal Donut Cloreen's Compact (GOOD GAWD she's ugly!)
mail me @ ripopgome@hotmail.com if you have any new ones!
If I posted something you wrote, that I didn't credit to you (and that you want credit for) please drop me an email so I can correct the error!