Dining Out

Early in my rocket scientist career I once attended a high-level project planning meeting at which the participants were mostly Navy captains and admirals and Air Force colonels and generals and GS-ohmygods and I, a mere GS-11 at the time, was by far the lowest ranking person there. Anyhow, at the end of the first day's session, we all decided to go out to dinner together. So, about 35 or 40 of us strolled into this nice place without bothering to make reservations. Fortunately, the place was mostly empty and they had plenty of room for us, so we ignored the nice sign that said "Hostess will seat you" and we stormed on in and rearranged the whole place to suit ourselves.

Anyhow, I guess the management musta been happy enough to see our money because we received absolutely wonderful service and the food was great. We responded by giving the waitresses lots of static and general harassment. Basically, we just acted like a buncha tailhook pilots, which is precisely what most of the highest ranking guys were. I really don't know why they were willing to put up with us, except that it musta been an otherwise slow evening.

So when dinner was finished everybody just plopped down whatever money we thought we owed and nobody ever bothered to check up on the total, and we strolled over to the bar to finish off the evening. The head waitress then made the observation that the total money we had left didn't leave much of a tip, so she strode over and flang the tip amongst us and said, "Here, you guys need this more than I do." So we felt sorta guilty and we all pitched in to give her a nicer tip and we sent our most silver-tongued orator over to apologize.

So anyhow, that's how not to dine out. I suppose just about every restaurant gets a crowd like that from time to time, and any place who can handle rowdy folks as nicely as this place did certainly gets my admiration. But I feel that a restaurant has a right to expect higher standards of behavior from me.

By the same token, there are certain standards by which I judge a restaurant. When we first walk in, if it's without a reservation of course we're taking a chance on being turned away if they're full. But if they've got room, we'd like to be seated at a table that's already been wiped down and we'd like for our drink orders to be taken immediately as we're being seated. It's very aggravating to spend twenty minutes wondering if the seating hostess even bothered to tell anybody else in the place that they've got a new table full of customers. Then the bar should be efficient enough so that the drinks arrive within a couple minutes of being ordered.

A waiter needs to determine such things as who's underage for drinking booze, whether somebody's already too drunk to absorb any more, whether the group is on foot or whether a designated driver has been selected, and then be very tactful about denying booze to those who shouldn't oughta be imbibing.

Then the waiter needs to determine whether the customers want brisk service or leisurely service. Lunch usually calls for brisk service: get the table served as quickly as possible. Evening dinners generally call for leisurely service: give the customers time for a breath of air between one course and the next. But there are exceptions. A truly great waiter can tell by the general demeanor of the customers what sort of service they want. A fairly good waiter can find a diplomatic way of asking.

Each course should be served as nearly as possible all at once to the whole table. It's really impressive to see a restaurant that fosters a spirit of cooperation in which the rest of the waiters will join in serving an especially large group when the food comes out of the kitchen. Then when the empties need picked back up again, I consider it perfectly acceptable to wait until all the customers in the group are finished with that course and then pick up all the stuff at once. To jump in and pick up one person's used plate when the others aren't finished yet is not necessary, in fact it's a bit of an irritating intrusion.

Now, for the menu. It seems to me that the most-ignored group of potential diners-out here in the USA is vegetarians. Now I'm not usually a vegetarian myself, but lotsa times I enjoy dining vegetarianly, and it just generally gives me more better good-vibes to see lotsa decent vegetarian stuff on the menu.

And now, for all you nice ethnic places! It's a great touch of authenticity to have waitresses that speak the language of your ethnicity, but it's very nice if they also speak the language of the country you're doing business in. I mean, a Chinese restaurant in which all the waitresses speak only Chinese is a pretty neat idea, but it does make things more difficult.

Restaurants have been in business since ancient times. They are mentioned in Greek, Egyptian, and Asia Minorean writings from the fifth century BC. In some ancient times and places restaurant dining was considered debaucherous so the customers shrouded themselves and sneaked in the back door.

Ever wonder where the expression "from soup to nuts" came from? The dinner at an ancient Roman orgy typically was six courses: soup, appetizer, main course, salad, dessert, and nuts. So, "from soup to nuts" means the whole meal. A few of the fanciest places still follow this six-course scheme, perhaps with some variations, but the more usual gourmet dinner in modern America is switched around a bit and cut down to four courses: appetizer, choice of soup or salad, main course, and dessert. But some of the most grandiose restaurants have gone the other way. I once did a dinner of eleven courses! But whatever. Switch stuff around however you please. Just enjoy!

And now let's leave the fantasy-land of perfect restaurants and come to Solomons, Maryland, Overpriced Seafood Capital of the World. Where would you like to dine?

The Dry Dock has probably the best gourmet seafood in all of Solomons. They change the menu every day, and it's always great! Until recently, they've rarely had anything vegetarian, but within the last several times we've been there they've sometimes had one or two vegetarian things on the menu, and I've had a coupla their vegetatarian things and they're just as great as any meat thing you've ever eaten. Location is excellent. It's up on the second deck of a building at a marina overlooking Back Creek. Service is impeccable. A couple of the waitresses have been there for longer than I can remember and this is unusual for an area where waitresses seldom stay at the same place for three months. It's an all non-smoking place. It's rather small and they're always full, so by all means make reservations. Bring plenty of money. Their prices are very high, even for Solomons.

The Captain's Table has undoubtedly the most beautiful restaurant location in Solomons, on a peaceful little point on Back Creek. Those of you who have dined there three or four years ago may recall being disappointed at how they had failed to take advantage of their location. They had shabby decor, lackluster service, unimpressive food, and quite a number of cheapskate touches in general. Since then they've improved greatly in every way, and the result is that they are always crowded, so you've gotta make reservations. They've tried to accommodate the crowd by stuffing in as many tables as they can get, so there's a lot of friendly elbowing going on all the time. Their other negative feature is that you've gotta walk through the smoking section to get to the non-smoking section.

The Naughty Gull is almost as much bar as restaurant. At one time they even had the slogan, "We Manufacture and Service Hangovers." Anyhow, it's a rather nice place. Bar service is very quick because the bartender has a central vantage point to view the whole place. Food is consistently excellent. Service is, well, a bit imperfect, but they have a nice personal touch that makes you not mind so much. Separation between smoking and non-smoking areas has recently been enhanced by a glass partition and an improved ventilation system and is now excellent.

China Harbor has an impressive array of Chinese seafood and land food and all sorts of stuff from most of the major Chinese cookery traditions. Although nothing on the menu specifically says vegetarian, quite a number of their items do not contain meat, so I suppose this is probably the best place in Solomons for a vegetarian to dine. And oh by the way, when it says "hot and spicy" on the menu, you'd do well to believe it! Service tends to be a bit brisk, even when you'd prefer it more leisurely. I don't know why. They're never crowded, so I'm sure they aren't turning away customers just because they can't get you served fast enough. A couple of the Chinese waitresses speak little or no English, which is a nice touch of authenticity that makes communication, well, er, ah, interesting. Drinks are quite generous. I'd suggest you don't quite finish yours if you're gonna drive home.

Bowens Inn is a very old place that's been a long-standing tradition in Solomons for old-timer reunion parties. After several massive redecorations they've finally gotten rid of the foul stench of many years of buildup of cigarette smoke all over everything. It's actually a quite pleasant place now. They've still got the "Southern Maryland Good Old Boy" atmosphere they've always had but without the cigarette smoke. The food is good, and you can have your choice between the dining room or the outside deck. They've also got a large upstairs dining room for private parties. Unfortunately, the place burned down in the spring of 2006 and I haven't heard whether they plan to rebuild.

The Lighthouse Inn is a very elegant place in a nice location. When they first opened for business they put on pretentious airs of being a super-exclusive gourmet dining experience but the food didn't quite measure up and the service was downright snooty. They've learned a lot since then. It is now a very pleasant place to dine and it's probably most comfortable if you're at least a little bit dressed up. They do a lot of private party business, like wedding receptions and senior prom parties, so it would be a good idea to call for a reservation, just in case. Unfortunately, the place burned down in the spring of 2006 and they're still in the process of planning to rebuild.

Solomons Pier is a very old restaurant with a venerable but rather spotty tradition. It's located on a pier sticking out into the Patuxent River, and view of the sunset is incredible. The management changes frequently and so do the food and service. The food is usually pretty good, sometimes excellent but occasionally almost inedible, and the service varies from superb to lackluster. Their dress code requires shirts and shoes but says nothing about whether you hafta wear anything from waist to ankles. Separation between smokers and non-smokers is semi-okay but you hafta walk through the smoking section to get to the non-smoking section. At least the non-smokers get the best view of the sunset.

Stoneys Kingfishers Captains Grill is a new branch of the world famous Stoneys Seafood House in Brooms Island. Their seafood is great, especially their famous crab cake sandwiches. Their servings are quite large. Consider ordering a half-size version of your choice of entree unless you're collapsing from starvation. Just like their original place in Broomes Island, they're arranged to accommodate large groups, so the atmosphere is a bit noisy. There's also an outside deck looking out over Back Creek. The smoking section is only in the bar, which is semi-closed-off, so the main dining room is excellently smoke-free.

Maryland Way in the Holiday Inn features traditional Maryland cuisine and is every bit as good as any decent hotel dining room. They occasionally put on just about the most sumptuous buffet I've ever seen! Their regular menu has only one vegetarian item on it, a rather tasteless excuse for stuffed tomato and pepper. Everything else is great. Separation between smoking and non-smoking sections is achieved only by distance and direction of ventilation flow, but is usually adequate.

Catamarans is actually more of a bar than a restaurant. It's decent enough except that there's no separate non-smoking section. In nice weather you can sit on the outside deck and maybe sit upwind from the smokers. Service is okay with some interestingly annoying blunders, such as the bar running out of glassware so they can't serve your drink until the next load of crockery comes out of the dishwasher. Service onto the outside deck is abysmal. They seem to forget anybody is out there. Food is okay but not special, except definitely do try their Blooming Onion appetizer! It's a delectably gluttonous morsel!

DiGiovanni's Dock Of The Bay is a fairly new place in a very nice location. This location changes hands frequently and nobody seems to succeed no matter what they do with it. I certainly hope DiGiovanni succeeds, however, because they've done a very nice job fixing up the old building that's been everything from a grocery store to a sleazy bar to a tackle shop to a hardware store to a you name it, into a very nice restaurant with a great view of the water. It's mostly Italian seafood, and very good. Service is good, attentive enough but not bothersomely so. They often have live entertainment, like maybe a singer or something, but they generally keep the volume fairly modest.

The C.D. Cafe is a rather small cafe (about ten small tables) in a multi-business building along the main road in Solomons. Location isn't much to brag about. The view is an eroding corn field across the noisy street full of drunk drivers. The food is absolutely superb! No pretense about being any sort of exclusive gourmet place or anything like that. It's just great. Not only that, but almost half the stuff on the menu would probably be acceptable to most vegetarians, even though only one item is specifically listed as vegetarian. Service is suitably leisurely. They let you catch your breath between courses. They open at 5:30 PM for dinner and you'd better be on time or you won't get a seat. Lotsa folks know how good they are and there's always a waiting line.

Boomerang's Original Ribs is a classic Southern Maryland Good Old Boy place that specializes in ribs and steak, but they've also got great chicken and seafood. It's definitely a family-friendly place. Children are welcome and high chairs are available. Service is sometimes a bit slow to get started, it may take a few minutes for the waitress to show up at first, but once going they sometimes get ahead of themselves. It's not unusual for the main course to be served before you've finished your salad.

Jethro's bills itself as a barbeque sandwich place, but they also have good seafood dinners. We've only been there once and service was good.

Okay, now that we've dined, we gotta figure the tip. Waiters' pay ain't much to brag about so they depend largely on tips. Here's the chart my family uses:

Tab incl 5% tax

Tip

$2.70 - $3.29 $3.30 - $4.04 $4.05 - $5.24 $5.25 - $6.74 $6.75 - $8.24 $8.25 - $9.74 $9.75 - $11.24 $11.25 - $13.49 $13.50 - $16.49 $16.50 - $19.49 $19.50 - $22.49 $22.50 - $26.99 $27.00 - $32.99 $33.00 - $38.99 $39.00 - $44.99 $45.00 - $50.99 $51.00 - $56.99 $57.00 - $62.99 $63.00 - $68.99 $69.00 - $74.99 $75.00 - $80.99 $81.00 - $86.99 $87.00 - $92.99 $93.00 - $98.99 $99.00 - $104.99 $105.00 - $110.99 $111.00 - $116.99 $117.00 - $122.99 $123.00 - $128.99 $129.00 - $134.99 $135.00 - $140.99 $141.00 - $146.99 $147.00 - $152.99

$.50 $.60 $.75 $1.00 $1.25 $1.50 $1.75 $2.00 $2.50 $3.00 $3.50 $4.00 $5.00 $6.00 $7.00 $8.00 $9.00 $10.00 $11.00 $12.00 $13.00 $14.00 $15.00 $16.00 $17.00 $18.00 $19.00 $20.00 $21.00 $22.00 $23.00 $24.00 $25.00

Then we adjust the tip up or down depending on the quality service. We don't hold a waiter's feet to the fire for minor technical errors that don't materially impact the quality of the dining experience. If we feel good about having dined there, everybody including the waiter musta done good. If we don't feel good, we try to determine how much of that was the waiter's fault. Many times a great waiter will be working in a not-so-good place and rotten service may not be his fault.

National Restaurant Association
Restaurant Association of Maryland
Slow Food