WHO? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? WHY? Don't even ask how!

Who would I like to be? Well, if I don't have to be anybody real, maybe I'd like to be one of the characters in one of my heroic ballads. Maybe the next door neighbor of the peasant in The Ballad of the Purloined Throne. I'd laugh myself silly as I watch the house cave in. Maybe I'd like to be the landlord in The Ballad of the Erroneous Knight or one of the rioters in The Ballad of the Great Revolt or perhaps the page boy in The Ballad of the Page's Quest especially if they let me marry the fair maiden after I rescue her.

But I'd better be pretty careful to be very explicit about who I want to be. I don't think it would be very much fun to be the king in The Ballad of the Old King. And I certainly wouldn't want to be the count in The Ballad of the Conniving Count or the little corpuscle in The Ballad of the Vicious Virus.

Of course, I could be realistic and want to be Farmer Brown or perhaps just a bartender at this nice place just down the street from me.

Or maybe I'd like to accompany some historical character. Maybe it would be fun to be in the service of Attila the Hun. Today we regard Attila the Hun as a brutal savage, but was he, really? Attila the Hun invented two things that we now regard as characteristic of civilized societies: diplomatic immunity, and humane treatment of prisoners of war. Does this look like brutal savagery?

Or maybe I'd like to serve under Alexander the Great. He had scholars as well as soldiers with him as he went round and about the world conquering everything in sight, and he basically invented the idea of studying the cultures of the people he was conquering instead of just subjugating them.

Or maybe I'd like to live in Asia Minor during the fifth century B.C. and get to know Herodotus in person. He wrote such fanciful accounts of everything that he must have been the story teller that every host wants at his party.

Perhaps the future holds promise. Let's say, in about 2076 when the world is running out of petroleum and gasoline costs about $3,259.99 a gallon and nobody can afford it any more so the roads will once again be safe for bicycles and pedestrians.

Ah, yes! The future! That's where it's at! Let's see now ... in 2076 I'll be 133 years old ... yes, of course I'm planning to live that long.