One day, on his way home from school, Little Johnny stopped by Farmer Brown's house and asked, "Hey Farmer Brown, there's some milkweed growing next to your cornfield. Can I go get the milk out of it?"
"You silly kid!" answered Farmer Brown. "You can't get real milk out of milkweed!"
"Oh, but can't I try?" Johnny pleaded.
"Sure, kid, go ahead! Whatever ya wanna do! Knock yourself out!" answered Farmer Brown.
So about an hour later Little Johnny returned with two pails of milk and gave one to Farmer Brown. Farmer Brown tasted it and thought, hey, this is pretty good milk.
A few days later, on his way home from school, Little Johnny stopped by Farmer Brown's house and asked, "Hey Farmer Brown, there's some honeysuckle growing in your cow pasture. Can I go get the honey out of it?"
"You silly kid!" answered Farmer Brown. "You can't get real honey out of honeysuckle!"
"Oh, but can't I try?" Johnny pleaded.
"Sure, kid, be my guest! Go for it!" answered Farmer Brown.
So about an hour later Little Johnny returned with two pots of honey and gave one to Farmer Brown. Farmer Brown tasted it and thought, hey, this is pretty good honey.
A few days later, on his way home from school, Little Johnny stopped by Farmer Brown's house and asked, "Hey Farmer Brown, there are some buttercups in your wheat field. Can I go get the butter out of them?"
"You silly kid!" answered Farmer Brown. "You can't get real butter out of buttercups!"
"Oh, but can't I try?" Johnny pleaded.
"Sure, kid, do your thing! Get whatever ya want!" answered Farmer Brown.
So about an hour later Little Johnny returned with two tubs of butter and gave one to Farmer Brown. Farmer Brown tasted it and thought, hey, this is pretty good butter.
A few days later, on his way home from school, Little Johnny stopped by Farmer Brown's house and asked, "Hey Farmer Brown, there are some pussy willows in your meadow next to the creek and ..."
"Wait up for me!" answered Farmer Brown. "Let me get my coat and hat! I'll be right with you!"
One day, on his way home from school, Little Johnny was walking past Farmer Brown's house and he had to go to the bathroom real bad. So he decided to use Farmer Brown's outhouse. But Farmer Brown was in his outhouse.
But Farmer Brown said, "Hey Johnny! It's a two-holer! There's room enough!"
So Johnny went in, dropped his pants and sat down on the second hole, and began doing his business. Meanwhile, Farmer Brown finished his business, wiped, and pulled his pants back up, whereupon a couple of coins spilled out of his pocket and fell down the hole.
"Hey Farmer Brown," Johnny remarked, "Do you know a couple of coins spilled out of your pocket and fell down the hole?"
So Farmer Brown pulled out his pocket flashlight and looked down the hole, and sure enough, there were a couple of coins down there. So Farmer Brown pulled a $20 bill out of his pocket and threw it down the hole.
"What didja to that for!" Johnny asked in total bewilderment.
Farmer Brown answered, "You don't think I'm gonna crawl down that hole just for fifteen cents, do you?"
One day, on his way home from school, Little Johnny was walking past Farmer Brown's house and he saw a three-legged pig running around the barnyard, so he stopped to ask Farmer Brown why the pig had only three legs.
"Hey, that's a real special pig! Let me tell you all about it!" answered Farmer Brown. "There was this one time when we forgot to turn off the kerosene lantern when we went to bed and the cat knocked it over and this pig came running into the house and woke us up and we were able to put out the fire before it did much damage. This pig saved our house!"
"But why does it have only three legs?" Johnny asked.
Farmer Brown continued, "And then there's the time a fox got into the chicken coop and this pig followed it in there and attacked the fox and chased it away. This pig saved our chickens!"
"But why does it have only three legs?" Johnny asked again.
Farmer Brown continued, "And then there was the time a burglar broke into the barn and tried to steal our mule and this pig ran into the barn and tripped up the burglar and made him fall on his rear and then stomped all over him. This pig saved our mule!"
"But why does it have only three legs?" Johnny asked again, more insistently.
Farmer Brown answered, "Hey, when you've got a special pig like this it would hardly be right to eat him all at once!"
Little Johnny was getting to be about that age when, er, ah, things start happening, and he was starting to have this little problem that he was sorta embarrassed to ask his folks about, so he figured Farmer Brown's a pretty nice guy so he'd ask him. So on his way home from school, he stopped in to visit Farmer Brown.
"Hey Farmer Brown," he asked, "What does it mean when your, er, ah, thing down here gets real big and stiff and hard?"
"Well Johnny," Farmer Brown answered, "That means it's a-wanting for you to have a woman, but you ain't hardly big enough to have a woman quite yet, so here's what you can do about it. You scoop up a shovel full of hog manure and roll it into a ball and stick your thing into it and it'll feel nice and warm and real good and it'll tide you over till you're big enough to have a woman."
So Johnny went on home and got a shovel out of his daddy's tool shed and took it over to the hog pen and scooped up a shovel full of hog manure. Then his girlfriend Becky Sue came over.
"Whatcha up to, Johnny?" asked Becky Sue.
"Hi Becky Sue" exclaimed Johnny. "I been having this sorta, er, ah, problem and Farmer Brown told me I oughta scoop up this shovel full of hog manure and roll it up into a ball and stick my, er, ah, thing into it and it will take care of the problem."
"Hey Johnny," answered Becky Sue. "I got a better idea!"
"What's that?" Johnny asked.
So Becky Sue hiked up her dress and dropped her panties and spread her legs and said, "Why don'tcha stick it in here, Johnny!"
Johnny looked at her in utter astonishment and exclaimed, "Huh! You mean the whole shovel full?"
Little Johnny was walking home from school one day and he stopped by Zeke's General Store to buy a loaf of bread as his mother had asked him to do. He was leaving the store holding the sack with the loaf of bread in one hand and he had his other hand plunged deep into his pants pocket, when he met Farmer Brown.
"Hey Johnny" said Farmer Brown. "I see you've got the Staff of Life in one hand, but whatcha got there in the other hand?"
Johnny answered, "A loaf of bread."
