All About Tailhook Pilots
This page is all in black-and-white
because tailhook pilots are colorful enough already.
Q: How many tailhook pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but then the whole squadron has gotta listen to him brag about it.
Q: Why does a tailhook pilot always weigh himself before going to the bathroom?
A: So that if he falls in he'll know how much to take back out again.
Once upon a time there were three Navy pilots in the officers club: a transport pilot, a patrol pilot, and a tailhook pilot. They were discussing how it might be possible to use mental telepathy to influence the behavior of a less intelligent species.
The transport pilot said, "Hey, let's try it over on those fish in that fish tank over there. I'll go first." So he pressed his forehead and his hands onto the fish tank and concentrated. Then he stepped back and the fish all gathered in one end of the fish tank, picked up pebbles in their mouths, carried them to the other end of the tank, and deposited them in a row.
Everybody said, "Ooh! That's great!"
So then the patrol pilot went next. He pressed his forehead and his hands onto the fish tank and concentrated. Then he stepped back and the fish organized themselves into little squadrons and began swimming in search patterns.
Everybody said, "Ooh! That's great!"
So then the tailhook pilot took his turn. He pressed his forehead and his hands onto the fish tank and concentrated. Then he stepped back but the fish didn't do anything special. They just kept swimming around in their usual random fashion with glassy stares and their mouths gaping open and shut.
Everybody looked over at the tailhook pilot. He was standing there with a glassy stare and his mouth gaping open and shut.
Little boy: "Daddy, I wanna be a tailhook pilot when I grow up."
His father: "Hey kid, you can either become a tailhook pilot or you can grow up. You can't do both."
Q: How do you bury a dead tailhook pilot?
A: Give the body an enema and put what's left into a shoe box.
Three tailhook pilots were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first tailhook pilot said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second tailhook pilot said, "No. They're elk tracks."
The third tailhook pilot said, "You're both wrong. They're moose tracks."
They were still arguing when the train came along and hit them.
Q: What does a tailhook pilot use for birth control?
A: His personality.
A tailhook pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman.
Q: What's the difference between a tailhook pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
A transport pilot was sedately lumbering along in his C-130 when a cocky tailhook pilot flashed by in his F/A-18. The tailhook pilot decided to show off.
The jet jock radioed the transport pilot, "Watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The tailhook pilot then asked the transport pilot, "Now what do you think of that?"
The transport pilot answered, "Very impressive, but watch this!"
The C-130 continued its straight and level flight for about five minutes, and then the transport pilot came back on the radio and said, "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled, the tailhook pilot asked, "What the hell did you do?"
The transport pilot chuckled, "I put my plane on autopilot, stood up, stretched my legs, strolled back aft, took a pee, got myself a cup of coffee and a doughnut, and now here I am back in the cockpit."
