Just look at all these nice folks paying extra to drink in the gutter!

There was this guy drinking at the Tiki Bar and he was having one of those special drinks they serve there, and he was wondering what they put into these drinks to make them hafta cost so much. So he asked the bartender, "Hey Bartender, this is sure a good drink! What all do you put in it?"

The bartender answered, "Sorry, I can't tell. It's a trade secret." So the guy took the rest of his drink home and put some of it in a sample bottle and sent it off to the lab to have it analyzed.

A few days later he got this letter back from the lab: "Dear Sir. Your horse has diabetes ..."

One day there was this real dumb-looking guy strolling around Solomons carrying a shotgun and a bucket of manure, and a cat was following him around. He stopped into the Tiki Bar, set the gun and the bucket down, and ordered a drink. The bartender looked at him sorta funny and wondered what's with the shotgun and the bucket of manure, but then he figured the guy looks too dumb to cause any trouble, and besides, the cat seems to like him okay, so he went ahead and served the drink.

So then the guy sat down nice and peaceful-like, and drank his drink, and the cat sat there beside him. When he finished his drink, he plopped a shell into the shotgun and discharged it into the bucket of manure. There was crap flying all over the place, and it frightened the daylights out of the cat, who got up and ran. Well, the guy chased the cat back and forth across the street a few times and then sat back down again.

After everything quieted back down again, the bartender asked the guy, "Tell me, Sonny! What was that all about?" So the guy answered, "Well, all my friends tell me this is where you're supposed to come to have a drink, shoot the shit, and chase pussy."

There's a house in Solomons a couple blocks beyond the Tiki Bar that was being cleaned out and the trash was being hauled away. Well, one load of trash was mostly light paper stuff that might blow away, so the largest of the workmen volunteered to sit on top of the trash to weigh it down and keep it from blowing away. As they were passing the Tiki Bar, this one drunk young woman looked up from her drink, pointed at the truck, and exclaimed, "Look! Somebody's throwing away a perfectly good man!"

At one time the Tiki Bar had a piano, and they hired a short little squirt of a piano player. He was only twenty inches tall, and had to stand up on the piano stool to reach the keyboard.

Anyhow, this here redneck dude came in and ordered a drink, and then looked over at the piano player and laughed and said, "Hey, where'd ya get that short little squirt?"

The bartender answered, "My genie introduced me to him. He's really great, actually!"

"Your genie?" guffawed the redneck. "You got a genie?"

"Sure," answered the bartender. "In that magic lamp over there. Just rub the magic lamp and the genie will pop out and give you anything you ask for."

So, the redneck strolled over, picked up the lamp and rubbed it, and the genie popped out and said, "What'll it be, O Exalted Master?"

"Gimme a hundred beers!" demanded the redneck, whereupon the genie answered, "It shall be done, O Exalted Master!" and vanished into a puff of orange smoke. He reappeared about a half a minute later, leading a large herd of deer, one hundred of them, to be exact.

"Hey, I said a hundred beers, not a hundred deer!" sputtered the redneck, becoming very irate.

"Calm down there, big feller!" admonished the bartender. "The genie is thousands of years old, and he gets a bit hard of hearing sometimes. For instance, where do you think I got this twenty inch pianist?"

A guy walked into the Tiki Bar carrying a little pink flag with a green star on it. He ordered a drink, the bartender served him, and he then started frantically waving his flag around and shouting, "HOONGA BOONGA HOONGA BOONGA!" Then he put his flag back down and began quietly sipping on his drink. A couple minutes later he suddenly picked up the flag again, frantically waved it around, shouting, "HOONGA BOONGA HOONGA BOONGA!" Then he again resumed sipping his drink.

After a few more episodes of this, the bartender became very curious and asked, "Hey feller, what's with the flag and this hoonga boonga bit?"

"It keeps the flying unicorns out of everybody's drinks," came the answer.

"You stupid fool!" admonished the bartender. "We haven't had any flying unicorns around here since forever!"

The guy answered, "Effective, isn't it?"

There's this rather strange old geezer who lives in Solomons. One evening he strolled over to the Tiki Bar and asked for two martinis. Upon being served, he took out the olives and stuck them into his ears.

The bartender looked at him sorta funny and asked, "How come you stuck the olives into your ears?"

The odd dude answered, "Speak up, boy! Can'tcha see I got olives stuck into my ears?"