THE AGENCY

Rot.

I've been through the hoops, and never once have I heard any whisper of anything in this vein; and for good reason. Just think logically. The spooks may launch honeytraps, but it's of specific individuals in specific circumstances. They're not going to go to the trouble - and potential for scandal - of running an agency day to day. Ditto the pizza-men. Sure, they're into prostitution as a business - ever visited Nevada? - but it's strictly as a business. (The JFK affair may have been an exception, if you believe the stories.) Crime families are based in specific cities and it wouldn't surprise me if they're a presence behind some of the escort services that list in the local yellow pages. High-class agencies, by contrast, are national and international in their horizons, do not list in yellow pages and service a still predominantly WASP world - in tone, at least - to which our Sicilian buddies are strangers.

So no, the sort of agency I worked for hasn't got a secondary or secret agenda. Its motivation is exactly what you'd expect it to be. To make money.

Which it does. Lots of it.

My agency was owned and run by two retired call-girls, with the assistance of a lawyer and an accountant. Registered in the Caymans and physically headquartered in another Caribbean country, it was, obviously, beyond US jurisdiction; though it hadn't gone to the trouble of arranging its affairs this way for the reason you probably imagine, i.e. to avoid criminal prosecution. A smart, discreet US-based agency can usually do that, though it will be hassled occasionally (especially in the weeks before an election).

No, it wasn't so much the DA the agency was avoiding as the IRS. And by locating where it did, it accomplished exactly that. Standing accounts, credit cards and wired transfers are the required forms of payment at this level of the industry; and once the clients' money is south of the Florida Keys, it doesn't re-enter US jurisdiction. First it goes into the agency's offshore accounts. Then, once its 20-30% cut is deducted, it moves on into the girls' offshore accounts. Neither the agency nor its girls is a blip on the IRS's radar.

Until recently, the obvious tax advantages of such arrangements may have been negated by communications difficulties, but these days that's a thing of the past. With no need for - indeed, an active desire to avoid - public visibility, running a high-class escort business from a balmy, laid-back, tax-free Caribbean paradise makes a lot more sense than running one from Manhattan Island. After all, the phones, the fax-machines and the internet work just as well there. And the natives are a whole lot more friendly.

Does this mean the agency's girls had to relocate to the Caribbean?

Not at all. We visited plenty - it's a nice place to visit - but there was rarely any need for us to.

In essentials, how the system works is this:

* Potential new client contacts the agency.

* The agency checks him out. (Nothing too heavy, but they do like to know he is who he claims to be.)

* One of the agency's representatives (NOT a call-girl) meets with him. She looks for further evidence that he's an okay guy, with the financial resources to be a regular customer. If she's happy, she'll show him "the book", with the girls' pictures and details. He makes his pick.

* The rep and client contact the agency, the agency contacts the girl, the girl schedules a time and place - always a hotel for a first date - and the client opens his account with the agency.

* The date goes ahead and, if both parties are happy, the girl will have a new "regular". If not, he can always have another look in "the book". (Though, if the first girl has found it necessary to warn the agency off him for some reason, he will not be invited back.)

...And so on. Each time the guy wants a date, he rings the agency and they make the arrangements.

This modus operandi suits everyone.

* For the agency, it means it gets its money offshore: tax and hassle-free. It is able to work in the discreet way its clients require.

* For the girls, it means the added security of meeting pre-screened guys. Non-cash payment - yes, the agency was trustworthy - has advantages in the unlikely event of outside attention. In such circumstances, we would simply have been the client's "mistress"; and there would have been no evidence - like a roll of bills - to contradict the claim.

* The clients appreciate such cover too, along with all other aspects of the agency's discretion. Apart from the vast superiority of its girls to those obtainable at one of the "yellow pages" agencies, its quiet, personal arrangements with them reassure nervous executives.

Aside from its day-to-day managerial and administrative role, the agency also:

* Ensures the agency is legally bomb-proof in its countries (formal and actual) of domicile;

* Helps its girls arrange their financial affairs (offshore accounts, etc.);

* Recruits new girls (see The Girls);

* Trains its recruits (see The Service).

Most important of all though, it does what none of the girls could do on their own. It plugs them into the world of people willing and able to pay top-dollar for top talent. In the same way that the wealthy go to private tailors and frequent exclusive clubs, so they patronise a very few escort agencies. Word sort of passes amongst them as to which they can trust.