Rules for Riding in My Car

The following rules developed in response to past confusion regarding matters that often arise when traveling.  These matters include:

The Rules:

1. By entering my vehicle, all occupants agree to everything on this page.
2. I will happily discuss departure and return times--never assume that I know your plans.  If you have to return early because of an airline reservation, I will have to see your itinerary or airline tickets to believe it--I have unecessarily shortened trips in the past because members thought they had a flight out of town on this day or that.
3. Each occupant will bear his/her own health insurance and assumes responsibility for their own safety--whether I drive safely is subjective--I LIKE to drive 0-5 mph below the limit--you can always rent your own car.  No one drives my car without showing proof of insurance.  I assume no responsibility for illness, injury or death that may occur during travel to or from the destination(s).  Rental car disclaimers cover everything that I refuse responsibility for--whosoever enters the vehicle implies familiarity with all those things.
4. No one should have to tolerate any distressing music/noise.  Silence tops an unpleasant sonic experience.
5. No whining or profanity.  We shall discuss neither politics nor religion in my vehicle.  Absolutely no smoking.
6. No one may eat or drink in my car (you'll just get fat), unless I do.  When I do eat or drink, others may eat or drink, but must wear a lapcloth and bib to catch food scraps or liquid spills.  You may think you eat without mess, but I won't believe it until I've had a chance to inspect where you sit in your car.  Insects marvel and salivate at the microtrash that explodes from our mouths as we feed ourselves.  We will have plenty of time to eat at rest stops along the way.
7. I will exercise flexibility regarding everything on this page.  For example, a snowstorm may necessitate a hotel stay or delay the time of return--if the situation you may be eaten.  Sunset photography will necessitate a late departure.  If fatigued, I may need to stop somewhere for a short nap.
8. By taking these trips together or alone, we seek to release our creative energies and to enjoy our public lands.  No one has the right to direct their life's frustrations in the form of angry or tearful outbursts at other members of the party.  If you have any reservations about going with me, don't go or get your own car.  You can release tension without using pity, fear, violence or guilt.  I reserve the right to deposit any unhappy camper at the nearest wide spot in the road or bus stop, if any, with an IOU for what it might reasonably cost to return you to the point of origin;  so don't let me catch you looking glum--you really have to look for the silver lining.
9. Other rules may arise as the situation warrants.
10. Violations of any rules may result in a five minute time out during which I will pull over at the next safe location and wait for five minutes.
11. Anyone who disagrees with these rules can get their own car.