Just in from "54" or "That 70's
Show: The Movie." Ye Gods and little fishes doth it stink on
ice. Nary of trace of the talent Mark Christopher displayed in
"The Dead Boys Club" and "Alkali Iowa."
There's a piece in the current "Entertainment Weekly"
about how they cut all the gay stuff because it "tested
badly" Of course it would. If you're going to screen it to
the same bunch of bored teenagers in that mall in Arizona that
sees every other studio-made monstrosity, what else do you
expect?. "Boys kissing? Yuck!" So instead of a
bi-sexual love triangle between Ryan "Aren't my washboard
abs to die for?" Phillipe, Salma "The one had better
make me a star!" Hyack, and Breckin (who the hell is this
dude?) Meyer, we get. . . nothing. Who needs a movie about a
whore-with-a-heart-of-gold who won't put out? There are two ways
to go with a project like this: "The Steve Rubell
Story" directed by Sidney Lumet starring Mike Myers, or
"Studio 69" directed by Chi-Chi LaRue starring Ryal
Idol. What we get here is a movie designed for that most
recherche brand of closet case: closet fag-hags.
More on "54": A far more interesting
movie could (and should) be made about the discos that preceeded
54: The Loft, Flamingo, The Saint, and Le Jardin. Smaller affairs
for the most part and totally gay from stem to stern. 54, by
contrast, was a disco designed for celebrity closet cases -- guys
who wanted to get head but wouldn't be caught dead doing so at
the clubs listed above. Rubell stole the Le Jardin waiters
uniform (tight satin basketball shorts and tops) for his crew.
Maxwell Caulfield, btw, began his career (such as it is) as a Le
Jardin waiter. His wife-to-be, Juliet Mills, showed up one night
and it was let's-have-ourselves-a-New-York-Marriage at first
sight. The 54 busboy brigade included. . . Alec Baldwin.
Wait -- there's more -- he copped to it
(without being asked) about ten years ago in
"Interview." What a guy! Hell, what a babe! And -- I
hope -- our next president. Cause if we're going to have sex in
the White House let's make it with someone that I'd like fuck for
a change.
