Save yourself six bucks and skip this film. Unless of course, you
like movies that can't decide whether they're a comedy, a drama,
a slice of life, or what. You might like this movie if you really
want to see 90 minutes of Claire Dain's hair.
I have not seen a movie in a long time where there was not a
single sympathetic character. Here's the rundown:
Claire Dain - (she has some Polish name that they continuously
alter with obvious Polish idiomacy) She is a slut who is way too
fond of her father, mimics her slut mother, teaches her younger
brother to smoke and about sex and sneaking out/in at night, and
likes to play Catch Me If You Can with her Pursuing Males in
Heat. She is cold and uncaring about her infant nephew who she's
supposed to take care of. She has a chance to redeem herself by
telling the priest she can't be Lead Virgin in the Parade of the
Virgins since she is pregnant. But she bypasses that opportunity
to cause a scene at the Parade of the Virgins when she refuses to
leave the alter (or whatever it is that the statue is on) and
when she has her moment of truth, she crowns herself with the
wreath meant for the statue and announces "put this in your
pipe and smoke it."
Claire's mother - played by I don't know who. Mother Slut. She
dresses up in a Salvation Army Uniform on her husband's night off
to go have sex with one of the corporate executives for whom she
is a custodian in charge of cleaning the mens bathroom floor on
her hand and knees. Plus she wears high heals to work. Yeah,
sure.
Mother Slut does make piorgnies (the Polish little stuffed
dumplings) but we can't even like her for that since she
conscripts labor to get them done.
Weakling Father - a baker who works nights and choses to be
oblivious to his wife's philanderings, even when he follows her
one time and watches through the window. Spineless wimp. Plus he
smokes incessantly. Whatever possessed Bryne to take this role!
Policeman Boyfriend - for this guy I had some hope, especially
when I saw his "six pack" whilst washing windows (the
obvious vehicle to display his attributes.) But he, too, proves
to be a butt-hole. In the last scene, when Claire Dain and her
hair are giving the baby a bath in the birdbath on the back lawn
while the grandparents look on, Officer SixPack digs dirt around
them all, dressed in some sort of bib overall and shovel get up.
Now let me get this straight: we'll bathe baby and read the paper
on the patio while son-in-law lets the dirt fly with his shovel?
I don't think so.
The rest of the motley crew was equally unlovable.
Plus, there was NO POLISH WEDDING! What a rip off.
I admit, I went to see it because the ad said it was the greatest
romantic comedy since Moonstruck. Hah! I didn't have time to
find/read the reviews. That'll teach me. At least the popcorn was
decent.
