Introduction: I have decided to start up an official party page. Why, you ask? Well, theres a lot of misguided party animals out there. Most people don't realize there is a set of rules and regulations for partying down. My plan is to outline these, and hopefully enlighten society on how to party. So continue on, and remember to take notes... you woulnd't want to be stuck at a party without this vast well of knowledge (Note: I am not responsible for any physical or emotional damage caused by other party-goers because you brought notes to a party)

Crucial Party Items: Okay, so lets say you show up to a party. What's the first thing you expect? BEER, and lots of it.

Beer: This is one of the most important, yet basic things. You need to have a good supply of beer. This is why some parties resort to the "BYOB" tactic, to avoid spending their money to get people drunk, and to avoid supply problems. That way, everyone brings what they need. However, if you are expecting a lot of people and you are supplying, kegs are the way to go. How many, you ask? Well, if you are having ten or so people, one keg should suffice. Just remember that the more people you expect, the more beer you are going to need. If you don't want to go to the hassle of buying kegs, then thirty-racks are the way to go. For the average drinker, one thirty-rack should be good for three people, ten beers a piece. For the lightweights, five people can split one at six beers each, and for the seasoned drinker, two can split a rack. Now that we have some numbers basics, the next dillema is what kind to buy. Personally, I think it is best that you should always buy something light. Its a hell of a lot easier to drink, and you dont have to deal with all that beer taste when your only concern is getting drunk. My top three brands are Natural Light (for the party animal on a budget), Bud Light and Coors Light.

Hard Liquor: Now we go on to hard liquor. This is another important element of the party, for obvious reasons. You can get pretty much anything you want here, but if you want the party to be a success, there are certain things you must have. Usually, just get some basic stuff. Absolut or some other kind of vodka, and some sort of juice to mix with (for all those hot women, which we will cover later) works, and also keep a healthy supply of Bacardi and Coke. These are two of the most popular hard liquors in the parties I have experienced. It is also a good idea to keep something powerful around, like a good Liter of Bacardi 151 for the true party fans. Shot glasses are a must, you should usually keep between two to four, for shot competitions.

Party Fouls: This is an established but rarely enforced system of regulating party behavior. A party foul is when someone does something to mess up the party. Things that can be included (but aren't limited to) are spilling your beer, spilling someone elses beer, destruction of the host's property (if you happen to like them), "Double-Hitting" any kind of smoking device (Note: Depending on the circumstances, some smoking circles use the double-hitting method as standard, usually only with joints, but it varies), messing up the rotation of any smoking device in a group of individuals. These are some of the common party fouls. Obviously there are infinite possiblities for fouling up the party, but what is the point? Well, there are a number of punishments. For the aggressive, three party fouls can get you ejected from the party for good. However, most enforcers of the Party Foul system will make you either give up a beer if the foul was beer-related, or be exiled from a rotation if the incident was smoking-related.

Women: This brings us to the last installment of Partying 101, before we get into some hard-core party action. The last thing on earth anyone wants is to be stuck at a sausage party. Getting women is one of the most crucial elements to ensure a good party. Usually if you can find one attractive girl and they agree to come, they will cart along a carful of their other attractive female companions. Find two or three different ones... and you're in business. We will cover this subject in further detail in a little bit.

How to Drink: In this section, I will cover the proper way to get thoroughly hammered and still keep the contents of your stomach, all the way through how to wake up without a hangover.

Getting Started: Okay, so you show up to your first party. Everyone knows it will be your first time getting drunk, but you dont want to look like a party novice. Well you're in luck, because you have the official party guide to get you started off. My general guideline for the first time you drink, base your limit of beer on your total weight divided by 20. This is usually about accurate for a first time drinker, one beer for every 20 Lbs. From there, work your tolerance up and you will be a seasoned pro in no time. Now if you have never been drunk before, I do not suggest drinking hard alcohol until you have some experience with beer. If you drink lots of hard stuff, you will probably end up getting out of control (Trust me on this one). So this should get you primed for something a little more advanced. Now lets move on, shall we?

Advanced Drinking Techniques: Okay, so now that you have an idea of your limits, we need to cover the actual art of drinking. If you are drinking beer, pacing yourself is key if you want to somewhat keep your composure. Take it easy on the first three beers, because after that they will become real easy to drink. Thats when you start to get out of hand. Now an experienced drinker will want to drink as much as possible in the shortest amount of time. This is where drinking games come into play (which we will cover later) because indulging in alcohol becomes a requirement. For those that are interested in getting creative with their drinking, there are a number of techniques. One being funneling. This is pretty straightforward, you need a beer funnel, a couple of beers and a mighty drinker. The drinker holds the tube the beer goes through and makes and airtight seal around the end while the funnel is filled with one to two beers. First allow all the foam to separate and get to the end, then let it flow out. Once this is done, signal the person holding the actual funnel to raise it, and drink away! But don't even think of pausing. That could easily be considered a party foul, messing up a funnel. Keg stands are also another popular method, in which the party animal is held upright above the keg and has the beer pumped straight into the mouth. Just remember, don't attempt this if you can't handle it.

Dealing with hangovers, and how to not get sick: Puking is an unfortunate side effect that has plagued us all at one time or another. Some people do not realize a few simple ways to avoid this unpleasent event. The first tactic that comes to mind is derived from the old saying "Liquor before beer and you're in the clear. Beer before liquor gets you sicker." . A pretty easy rule, if you have to mix then get the hard stuff out of the way first. It is always a good idea to have a full stomach before you start drinking so the alcohol isn't processed quite as quickly. However, if you feel the onset of sickness, immediately drink some water and eat bread. A good way to avoid it altogether is to just force the thought out of your mind, which usually works. The more you think about being sick, the more likely it is to happen. If you do have to puke however, for the love of god don't do it all over the kind host's house, find a toilet or go outside. Nobody likes cleaning up vomit. Hangovers are also easy to avoid, by using the same basic rules. Drink a few glasses of water before you want to sleep/pass out, and releive yourself after fifteen minutes. That helps dilute the alcohol in your stomach, and assures you won't wake up with a painfully full bladder. And make sure you get plenty of sleep so you don't wake up still drunk and have to do anything, it's not fun (once again, trust me on this one.). If you should wake up feeling a bit partied out, tylenol and caffeine will help you to get going, but it will eventually wipe you out in the end, so if you have to work this isn't recommended. Expert Note: If you smoke cigarettes, this is excellent in the waking process. If you have coffee or something with caffeine in it, and smoke a cigarette, the nicotine and caffeine have an interaction that enhances each other. End result? A satisfying dose of nicotine to keep you happy, and a nice boost from the caffeine.

Passing Out: Try to avoid this one at all costs. Even moreso if nobody else has passed out yet, because the second you're out, you're all done. You are left at the mercy of all the other party animals and the humiliating jokes played on you, which can make waking up pretty rough. Some common passout pranks include drawing humiliating pictures and words on the face or other parts of the body, embarassing pictures, and pretty much anything they can think of. Some instances of this I have witnessed should set a good example. One time, an associate of mine had passed out. A couple of party fans were feeling a bit rambunctious, and decided to have some fun. First, they poured water all over his crotch, and took a picture of him with a sign that read: "Look mom, I wet myself again!". But thats not it... next, a life-sized dog had its crotch placed on the gentleman's face, again another sign that read: "Give a dog a bone." . Another incident, which is suspected that the victim may have been the perpetrator, had his shoes filled with beer. I was lucky enough to speak with him and get a quote on the incident: "Well, I was passed out, so I am not very sure what happened. According to everyone at the party, in a drunken stupor, I took a beer and poured it into my shoes. To this day, I have no recollection of this, which is the worst part. It will be forever shrouded in mystery. It was awful, waking up and having wet shoes, having to walk around with beer-smelling shoes all day." K. Tuttle. So keep these examples in mind, and try to stay awake at all costs. If you have to pass out, try and go into your car. Locking the door is good for security, but if you have to puke and drown in your own vomit, it's your own fault that nobody can save you.

Drinking Games Theory 101: Okay, assuming you are still a party novice, I will cover this one for your sake (Although if you're this far along, I HOPE you have some experience...). Some may ask, "Why bother playing drinking games? I'm still gonna have fun either way"... well, I plan to explain why. You see, for the most part, drinking games help you get drunk faster. They also allow social bonding with your fellow party-mates, and can get you respect in your party circle. I will explain the rules and regulations of a few common party favorites.

Asshole: Quite possibly the greatest drinking game known to man. The first round starts off with everyone even on the playing field. You need a deck of cards, with the jokers removed. Deal the cards around the table to each person until they run out. Each person puts down a card on their turn, which must be equal to or greater in value than the card before them. If you cannot do this, you have two options: Take a drink and be skipped, or throw down a clear card. Depending on the rules of the circle, a clear card is either any two and a red three, or just twos and threes. A clear card removes the cards in play, and allows you to throw down any card(s) you want. The starting card for the game is either the three of clubs, or the four, depending on the clear card rules. When there are no cards down, or you are up against an ace, you can throw single, doubles, triples, or on rare occasions four of a kind. They must all be the same number/face card, no straights allowed. If it is double aces, you have to throw triples, however. When the same card is thrown down twice in a row, the next person takes a drink and is skipped. If three cards come down, that means a social. Everyone toasts to each other and takes a mutual drink. Four cards means a waterfall, which gets more complicated. The person throwing the card down starts to drink, and then each person after starts drinking. Nobody is allowed to stop until the first person does. The first person to go out, or to throw down all of their cards becomes president. This person has the power to make others drink, and for every three consecutive terms served as prez, he gets to make one rule. It can be literally ANYTHING. After the president, it goes Vice President, Secretary, Vice Secretary, Beer Bitch, Vice Asshole and then Asshole. If there aren't enough people, eliminate the V.S. and V.A. positions, but the only ones that are really necessary are beer bitch, prez and asshole. THat pretty much covers it.
15 Social: This is a simple game. Find a group of people, which can be pretty much any size (Although at least 5 or 6 is reccomended). The first person starts the count at 1, continuing around the group until someone reaches 15. At that point, a social drink ensues, and the person who counted to 15 designates a word or phrase for one of the numbers between 1 and 15. So, the next count has to substitute the number for it's respective phrase or word, and if someone messes it up, they have to drink and the next person starts the count off again. The game is finished when all numbers are replaced with words and you can complete an entire round.
Power Hour: This isn't too much a game, but still a good drinkin' activity. Find someone to challenge, and make sure you have plenty of beer. Each person must take one shot of beer for every minute within the span of an hour. My personal rules are as follows: Any participant failing to take a shot within a minute must make up that shot, and take another for missing. Anyone participating in the power hour that pukes within the one hour span must make up the lost shots, continue the game, and drink an extra beer.