December, 1997 Dear friends, Christmas 1997 was an especially meaningful one for me. So much has happened to me in the last year. I'm not referring to material things, but rather to those things that cannot be listed on a bill-of-sale, on sheet of paper. Of course, as you may have already guessed, I am referring to thoughts and feelings. Yes, my thoughts and feelings HAVE changed over the last year... in fact, mostly over the past six months. The plain message is coming next. I never was what I would call a "religious" person. I finally found the faith to accept Jesus Christ. When I say accept, I speak of all that comes along with that powerful Name! For me, it means believing that everything written in the Bible is true. It means believing that Jesus *really* did live (as opposed to the fact that I used to have trouble with that) 2,000 years ago. It means believing that He allowed Himself to be killed... He died on the cross for all of us... He died for ME. I also know that He is alive today. The center of my life has changed. I used to be family-centered at times, self-centered other times and maybe altruistic (humanity-centered) on rare occasions. Now I am Christ-centered. Jesus Christ is my Lord and my Savior. It has not been a change which was brought about by all myself; it has probably been in the works for years. I can look back on many people who were put in my life and I believe that they were put there by God. My wife was raised to believe, but she was only "saved" in the Summer of 1994. Her faith has grown since then. I used to just take the stand that all that stuff was okay for her... "just don't try to push your beliefs on me; don't try to change me", I would say. I liked myself well enough just the way I was. Her strong participation in the church and her growth began to wear on me. There was more friction because of our differences. You know what? That friction caused me to want to know more about what was going on in her life and my seven-year-old son's life at church. I didn't want friction. I wanted harmony. I ended up going to her church and seeing what was going on and I talked to several people. During this time, I started experiencing what I can only call a constant, empty hurting inside (literally hurting)... kind of like you feel when you have a broken heart. It just kept lasting for weeks and weeks. I found myself becoming more and more interested, and more introspective, looking inside myself. I was spending more of my "thinking time" thinking about God, Jesus and Dana Colbert. I began to read more tracts and verify what they said in my Bible that I have had for many years (never did read it much). On October 9th, I was walking home and I was praying to God, who I really wasn't sure that I believed in. I asked Him: "What's keeping me from being able to have faith in You?" Friends, less than a half-second after that thought, I heard the word "pride" inside my head! I suppose that word *could* have been from my own mind, but it just wasn't typical of the kind of "voice of my conscience" that I am used to. I believed (and still do) that it was God answering my prayer. After I heard "pride", my eyes immediately had tears well up and I found myself gently nodding, sobbing and saying "yes, yes it's true." I came home to find my wife in the kitchen and I asked her if we could pray together. "Sure," she said. I found myself sobbing and weeping and praying to God. I said "I've been so wicked in my life... please help me... please remove this pain from my heart." At this point, she said "Go to Him", which I took to mean go to Jesus and confess your sins and ask for forgiveness. The next thing I knew, I was confessing and asking for His forgivness and asking Him to be my Lord and my Savior. That was it! I asked her if that was all there was to it; did I do it okay? She told me that I came to the Lord more humbly than she did. I took that to mean that I did okay. It was difficult for me to get to that point and set aside myself... my pride... and do what my heart was telling me that I should do. After I did that, things were not difficult for me to accept. My wife was tearful and happy. We are now a family united in Christ. There was harmony and happiness for me this Christmas unlike any I have ever had before. I now have a knowledge in my heart about Christmas like never before. This truly is the finest Christmas present anyone could ever ask for: a new and loving heart.
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