The Onion Armada

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The Onion Armada - An Essay by Grant Pearson

How do I describe The Onion Armada? Well, it starts with a little ray of hope, followed by crushing disappointment. They are a band. A band, that wants to make a difference. Call them posers, but they have more vision than you will have for anything in your entire, miserable little life.

What is the music of The Onion Armada like you ask? Well, it's a mix of rock, funk, reggae, pop, punk, vocal, americana, country, blues, hip-hop, soundtrack, oh, wait. Sorry, I was just listing sections at Virgin. Yeah, that's right you fuck! Bam!

The Onion Armada has a wide variety of talents. All members contribute in their own, special, unique way.

Aaron "Brindell" Brindell - Aaron brings in the funk, and I'm talking about the lack of laundry money funk. I think he is the drummer. I'm not sure though.

Kati - She is the talent. She is the musical ability. She knows what she is doing. She is a girl.

James "Buzz" Winkle - Buzz does stuff. He will eventually learn the guitar, so that is set.

Mike "You are a Dill!" Uridil - Mike, he works a lot, and he was in the band, then he was kicked out, but he is back, this time, as a roadie!

Casey - Casey does stuff, what more could you ask for?

Grant "DJ Madd Trixx" Pearson - The extra X is for X-TREME!!! He is the coolest member of the band. The sex symbol that everybody wishes they could be, but only he can be. He plays the bass, does vocals, and is a master of the scratches. God Damn he is cool. (Editors note: No.)

Kurt Cobain - They tried to get him in the band, but he wouldn't return any calls. It's hopeful though, so I'll list him anyways. What? He's dead?...... Fuck.

So, now you know a bit about The Onion Armada, and what they are for. Don't fret though, they will be back soon with, more content, and with a vengeance, a vengeance worthy only of Samuel L. Jackson, in a non-Deep Blue Sea role.