Narrator: Holy Roman Empire... centuries of fighting... battles... yadda yadda yadda... brave cavalry... one ring to rule them all...

Audience: Eh?

-cut to depressing countryside-

Arthur: Freedom.

The other, lesser important knights: Grr. Grumble grumble. Freedom. Grumble.

Fight scene ensues where green people jump on soldiers on horses. Green people lose.

Arthur: Now, knights. Feel free to banter boringly amongst yourselves. Freedom awaits.

Lancelot: Gee, we are talking so much about our freedom that I hope there isn't an ironic plot twist in which we do not get our freedom.

Bors: I have a large penis.

-cut to British outpost-

Pompous Roman Catholic 1: So pagan knights, I need you to go save my pompous Roman Catholic buddies from the Saxons. Be off.

Arthur: And if we refuse?

Pompous Roman Catholic 1: There would no plot and you would never meet Keira Knightley, who is the only reason most people came to see this movie anyway.

Arthur: Onward!

-cut to depressing countryside-

Knights grumble a lot about freedom. They are attacked by green people. They escape.

Pompous Roman Catholic 2: I will continue this trend of being an unlikable Roman Catholic.

Arthur: Good. We need a little personality in this movie, because I certainly don't have any.

Lancelot: Me neither! I appear to be constantly angry and glaring at people, but nobody seems to know why. Now, watch me glower.

Bors: Well, I have a large penis.

Arthur: Let me take this opportunity to be a good, moral person. I will save the Britons! By Britons, I mean this random kid and Keira Knightley!

Keira Knightley fans in the Audience: ::checks watches:: About time.

Dagonet: All of a sudden, I will appear in this movie as a caring, fatherly figure.

Audience: Wow, we like him. Hopefully, this movie's sudden focus on him doesn't mean that he's going to die soon.

-cut to frozen lake-

Arthur: My spidey senses tell me that we must stop here and fight.

Guinevere: Yesterday, I was tortured, hungry, broken, and near death. Today, I have perfect health, perfect teeth, perfect skin, prefect hair, and perfect aim.

Boring Saxons come roaring in. They die in a ridiculous, yet predictable fashion. Dagonet dies.

-cut to British outpost-

Pompous Roman Catholics: Away we go. So long!

Knights: Well, we are finally free. We can stop whining now.

Guinevere: No! Don't go! You must help me and the leader of the green persons, Merlin, who is not a wizard, but rather a poor attempt of using name recognition to get people to see this film.

Arthur: No.

Guinevere: Erm... freedom?

Arthur: Okay fine. But this movie is seriously sucking.

Guinevere: Umm... what to do... I guess it's time for the obligatory love scene, even though we don't even appear to like each other.

Arthur: Kind of random but, sure, I'm all for it!

Exposure of Keira Knightley's legs and Clive Owen's chest fails to make the movie any more interesting.

-cut to the BIG FIGHT-

Boring Saxons march in. Despite the Britons' flawed strategy of letting all their enemies through the gates, the Saxons are slaughtered. Then, more boring Saxons charge through.

Another typical action movie battle sequence ensues. Except it was done a lot better in The Lord of the Rings.

Guinevere: So, I'm basically naked. I'm also a huge liability because I offer no fighting skills, and other people will die protecting me.

Several key characters die rather undramatic deaths. The audience fails to care.

Arthur: Once I kill this bland Saxon leader, the battle will be over.

He kills the bland Saxon leader in a typical action movie one-on-one fight sequence. Except it was done a lot better in Troy.

Suddenly, Arthur is king of the Britons. He marries Guinevere in a rather emotionless ceremony in the woods. The End.

And so concludes yet another take on the legend of King Arthur. Except it was done a lot better in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.