Scene opens in an unidentifiable locale. It's MYSTERIOUS.

Misunderstood kid: Hi. I am in this MYSTERIOUS location doing something that only a MISUNDERSTOOD child like myself would be doing. Like, collecting insects. Or pretending to be an alien!

All of a sudden, Misunderstood Kid comes across mysterious green stuff.

Misunderstood kid: Look. Glowing green stuff. It is only fit that I use this green stuff in a way that only a misunderstood child like myself would. Like rub it all over my skin. Or inhale it.

MISUNDERSTOOD KID TURNS INTO KRYPTONITE FREAK! MISUNDERSTOOD KID KILLS SOMEONE! BECAUSE NO SMALLVILLE EPISODE IS COMPLETE WITHOUT DEATH!

Clark: Well, isn't it fortunate that I am conveniently taking a leisurely stroll through this obviously abandoned area of Smallville and finding this kryptonite freak who is in destructive rage? I must save the day!

Kryptonite Freak: Don't you understand that I am doing these evil things because I am so misunderstood?

Clark: What? Oh forget it I have no time for your stupid questions. Check out my special effects. (proceeds to speed around and then heat things up with his eyes!)

Kryptonite Freak: ROAR! (hits Clark, then runs away to kill more people)

Clark: ...oops.

Clark: And then- and then he hit me! (sniffle) I just- just- don't understand!

Jonathon: Hmm. Sounds dangerous. That's it, you're under house arrest, and you must never appear in public again. Doing ANYTHING would put you in GRAVE PERIL! Try not to breathe.

Clark: But daaaaaaaad!

Martha: I'm sure we can work this out. Like, your father and I can ponder this situation by giving each other worried looks, and you can go do some chores. Or something.
MR HAYDEN CAMEO!!!!! JUST KIDDING!!!!

Clark: Hello Lana.

Lana: Hello Clark. I like coffee. (they gaze longingly into each other's eyes)

Clark: Let's date.

Lana: Umm......

Clark: Oh. Let me rephrase. Let's schedule a date that will be at the exact time the kryptonite freak will strike again, causing me to ditch the date in the name of the common good.

Lana: Sounds good. See you at 8.

Clark: Excellent. Now I will leave you to talk to my non-personality friends. (leaves)

Pete: I know your secret. That allows me to be overdramatic. About anything.

Chloe: I like to write. And I like Clark.

Clark: I like Lana.

Chloe: I've been betrayed! Again! I hate you! Again! (storms off)

Lex: My father has wronged me.

Lionel: Mwahahaha. I am EVIL!

Kryptonite Freak: Well here I am, killing more people. Nobody will ever stop me.

Clark: I will stop you.

Kryptonite Freak: You're a terrible actor.

Clark: I'm not acting! I really will stop you!!

Kryptonite Freak: No, I meant the guy who plays you, Tom Welling, is a terrible actor.

Clark: Oh. Well, umm, watch me do something... cool. And defeat you.

Kryptonite Freak: I will dodge your plans and make it appear as if I will win. I'm sure the TV audience is wondering who will win this dispute, considering the series is all about, well, you.

Kryptonite Freak exposes glowing green stuff to Clark, causing him to fall down in painful agony. We have not seen this before.

Lana: I wonder where Clark is.

Clark: (gets up) I will win because I have special effects on my side!! I can burn things with my EYES!

Kryptonite Freak: Damn. (Kryptonite Freak dies in an absurd fashion, leaving Clark winded and confused about the meaning of life)

Jonathon: Well you disregarded my ridiculous orders. I'm proud of you son.

Martha: I told you everything would work out.

Clark: You were right, all knowing parents of mine. I am just starting to realize how different I am from everyone else.

Jonathon: You're realizing that... now?

Clark: Excuse me while I go and attempt to reconcile with Lana. Again.

Lana: You suck.

Clark: I know.

Lana: This show sucks.

Clark: I know.

Lex Luthor shows up, for no reason whatsoever.

Lex: Hey, best friend. My dad sucks.

Clark: What the hell? You have no role in this show do you?

Lex: I guess not. I'm rich though.

Clark: Sigh, I messed things up. Will they ever be the same again?

Lex: Actually, things never change on this show, so the answer is yes.

Clark: Good point.

Fades out while modern rock music blares in the background, available on CD from thewb.com

THE END

PREVIEW FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Strange new kryptonite freak wreaks havoc while things between Clark and Lana might heat up. Chloe gets jealous.