ComputersA
pastor of one church who was previously a sailor was very aware that
ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender
computers should be addressed as. To answer that question, he set up
two groups of computer experts.
The first was comprised of women and the second of men. Each group was
asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the
feminine gender or the masculine gender. They were asked to give four
reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in
the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
a little longer, you could have had a better one.
The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred
to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
![](_themes/ricepaper1/aricerul.gif)
courtesy
of Wendy
What if people bought cars like they
buy computers?
General Motors doesn't have a
"help line" for people who don't know how
to drive, because people don't buy
cars like they buy computers, but
imagine if they did...
***********************************************************
HELPLINE: "General Motors
Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and
closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key
in the ignition and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an
ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor
that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor?
Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all of these technical terms just to
use my car?"
***********************************************************
HELPLINE: "General Motors
Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a
week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank
empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I
know?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little
gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is
the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "I see an 'E' but no
'F'."
HELPLINE: "You see the 'E' and
just to the right is the 'F'.
CUSTOMER: "No, just to the right
of the first 'E' is a 'V'.
HELPLINE: "A 'V'?!?"
CUSTOMER: "Yeah, there's a 'C',
an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V',
followed by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..."
HELPLINE: "No, no, no sir!
That's the front of the car. When you sit
behind the steering wheel, that's the
panel I'm
talking about."
CUSTOMER: "That steering wheel
thingy-- Is that the round thing that
honks the horn?"
HELPLINE: "Yes, among other
things."
CUSTOMER: "The needle's pointing
to 'E'. What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you
have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You
can install it yourself, or pay the
vendor to install
it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What? I paid $12,000
for this car! Now you tell me that I
have to keep buying more
components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!"
***********************************************************
HELPLINE: "General Motors
Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's
what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you
doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go
faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
the way to the floor. It worked for a
while,
and then it crashed -- and now it
won't even start up!"
HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but
it's your responsibility if you misuse
the product."
CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just
following this manual of yours. It
said to make the car go to put the
transmission
in 'D' and press the accelerator
pedal. That's exactly what I did--now
the thing's crashed."
HELPLINE: "Did you read the
entire operator's manual before operating
the car sir?"
CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I
did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the
manual said and it didn't work!"
HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to
slow down so you wouldn't crash?"
CUSTOMER: "How do you do
THAT?"
HELPLINE: "You said you read the
entire manual, sir. It's on page 14.
The pedal next to the
accelerator."
CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have
all day to sit around and read this manual
you know."
HELPLINE: "Of course not. What
do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me
one of the latest versions that goes
fast and won't crash anymore!"
***********************************************************
HELPLINE: "General Motors
Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my
first car, and I chose your car because
it has automatic transmission, cruise
control, power steering, power
brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our
car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work
it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to
drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to
what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to
DRIVE?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical
person! I just want to go places in my car!"