A pastor of one church who was previously a sailor was very aware that
ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender
computers should be addressed as. To answer that question, he set up
two groups of computer experts.

The first was comprised of women and the second of men. Each group was
asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the
feminine gender or the masculine gender. They were asked to give four
reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in
the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
    they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited
   a little longer, you could have had a better one.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred
to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
    computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
   later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
   spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

courtesy of Wendy

What if people bought cars like they buy computers?

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how

to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but

imagine if they did...

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and

turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know

all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"

HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and

markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"

CUSTOMER: "I see an 'E' but no 'F'."

HELPLINE: "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'.

CUSTOMER: "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'.

HELPLINE: "A 'V'?!?"

CUSTOMER: "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V',

followed by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..."

HELPLINE: "No, no, no sir! That's the front of the car. When you sit

behind the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm

talking about."

CUSTOMER: "That steering wheel thingy-- Is that the round thing that

honks the horn?"

HELPLINE: "Yes, among other things."

CUSTOMER: "The needle's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"

HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and

purchase some more gasoline. You

can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install

it for you."

CUSTOMER: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I

have to keep buying more

components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"

HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"

HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"

CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all

the way to the floor. It worked for a while,

and then it crashed -- and now it won't even start up!"

HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse

the product."

CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just following this manual of yours. It

said to make the car go to put the transmission

in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did--now

the thing's crashed."

HELPLINE: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating

the car sir?"

CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the

manual said and it didn't work!"

HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?"

CUSTOMER: "How do you do THAT?"

HELPLINE: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14.

The pedal next to the accelerator."

CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual

you know."

HELPLINE: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"

CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes

fast and won't crash anymore!"

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because

it has automatic transmission, cruise

control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?"

CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"