Pat Buchanan:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The
ends of
crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it
take.
Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and,
therefore, synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
John Locke:
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus:
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to
him.
The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there
was much
rejoicing.
Fox Mulder:
It was a government conspiracy.
Freud:
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your
underlying sexual insecurity.
Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in such
a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Darwin #2:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross
the
road.
Oliver Stone:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather
"Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our
haste
to observe the chicken crossing?"
Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think
to ask,
"What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place
anyway?"
The Pope:
That is only for God to know.
Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed
the
"black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
Immanuel Kant:
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of
his own
free will.
Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us
that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for
us.
Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):
I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.
Bill Gates:
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads
AND
balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
M.C.Escher:
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.
George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing
the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their
interests.
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?
Plato:
For the greater good.
Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.
Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.
Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across
you.
B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from
birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend
to
cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found
it
necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?
The Sphinx:
You tell me.
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
Emily Dickenson:
Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saddam Hussein #2:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Joseph Stalin:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
O.J.:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Gilligan (singing): The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail; the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
BILL CLINTON: "What the chicken does in his private life is his own business"
Bill Clinton #2: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.
Mike Tyson: I dunno, but that ear sure tastes like CHICKEN!
JACK NICHOLSON: "..cause it f*****g wanted to. That's the f*****g reason"
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: "To boldly go where no chicken has gone before"
HIPPOCRATES: "Because of an excess of phlegm in it's pancreas"
FOX MULDER: "You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it ?"
NATO: "We cannot have chickens wandering over the roads whenever they feel like it!"
CLINT EASTWOOD: "To make my day"
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: "He'll be back!"
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Robert Frost: To take the road less traveled by.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Epicurus: For fun.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Erich Maria Remarque: The chicken crossed the road because, after his experience with war, he no longer felt at home in his home.
Machiavelli #2: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.