10.27.04 GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE
yesterday was the end of my three month work probation. i've yet to be reviewed, but i'm torn between wanting to be honest about my dissatisfaction and hanging on to the paycheque til i find a new job. i've had an invitation to apply from one of the clients here (but he won't buy me out); i have an interview this friday (but can't get time off for it). it's slow going.complain about my job, it's all i ever do. it's one-third of my day, but what was that quote, "language is a virus from outer space"? onward!
two men, maybe in their 50s, probably in their 60s, are riding their purchase-laden bikes along college st. at spadina. one of them is berating the other: "you're not young anymore, you hafta start thinking about settling down!"
10.10.04 CALGARY
it's 3:55 a.m. kevin is drunk in bed, having thrown up for the second time tonight. i fed him instant noodles but instead of being entirely sympathetic (or empathetic, due to recent events), i can only quote endless lines from 'napoleon dynamite':
whatever i feel like doing! gosh!you spend the entire film questioning the money you spent on it, but it redeems itself entirely within the last ten minutes. you walk out of the theater, feeling smug about your intelligence, but eventually you start to wonder if it isn't napoleon who's the clever one and that he's been laughing at us all along.
09.24.04 KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES
it used to be that:
bloggers = social miscreants + damp basements 23 hours/day + derided by all other nerdy geeks.
then all the cool kids started doing it, and now it's:
bloggers = hip scenesters + enviable jobs & lifestyles + other cool blogger friends with whom they have drinks in posh bars.
and - gasp! - my fetish for geeky guys is now mainstream.
09.14.04 QUARTERLIFE CRISIS, PART I
never before have i wanted to quit this job so badly. oh, wait -- i have wanted to quit this badly. but never before have i considered drinking the rubbing alcohol we keep on hand for disinfecting surfaces.
my manager asked how i was liking the job, and i was torn: do i answer honestly and hope for an amelioration of my working environment and job function? or do i answer falsely and preserve my job security while secretly seething under the surface?
some man once counselled another man who was very, very frustrated with his job. he said, "you're like this fork. if used for eating, it'll last indefinitely, infinitely. but if used for something other than its intended purpose, say, digging roads or hammering nails, it'll become damaged very quickly." or something like that.
i am the fork. this is the road. coo-coo-ca-choo?
i welcome your comments at my livejournal.
09.13.04 AWWW, YEAH, FO' SHIZZLE!
ever wonder what things would be like if you were snoop dogg? well, did you? don't be frontin' me, man, cuz i know you did. now you can surf da 'net snoop dogg-style with tha shizzolator.
09.07.04 LOVERS, BOYFRIENDS, PARTNERS-IN-CRIME
what we all want and need is someone who will go through the sludge of life with us, someone who will watch our backs and encourage us when battling the world, someone to hold our hand when everything is going awry, someone who makes us feel invincible and to keep us from going looney.
09.07.04
i can't write; i'm afraid to write. it's all been done before -- who said that there isn't any original thought anymore? so i soldier on with pessimism.
the banality and monotony of today has me spewing nonsense. there was something i wanted to mention but can't remember. can you?
09.02.04 EPHEMERA
i took kevin out for fancy steak dinner for his birthday. when paying the bill, instead of counting out what was to be paid, i counted out what was to be left in my wallet. the next morning, i discovered i had more money than i was supposed to. i stiffed the poor girl on her tip. it wasn't even close to 10%. i'm going to waitress hell.
went to the hipster hellspawn tour last night. it was nice to finally meet jim after the exchange of e-mails, but i neglected to ask him to sign my book. the resell value! the resell value!
what was originally office gossip fodder has now spiralled out of control into an all-out sulk-fest. my continual state of insecurity and hurt has placed him in a continual state of stress. at least the hot hot lovin' parade continues.
i just want kevin all the time.
08.25.04 FIRST RULE OF DESIGN
i don't know what the actual first rule of design is, but if it were up to me, it would be NO WORDART OR CLIPART. they're ugly! they're bland "efficient" shortcuts made by people who could care less about attractiveness. if you use them to make flyers or posters, it says that you neither care nor have taste.
08.24.04 ANSWER TO THE $64,000 QUESTION
from a comment posted on the blurbomat comes a gem of insight from zak:
I have made many stupid mistakes in my life. Thankfully I don’t have kids yet. Recently I stumbled across the ultimate answer to the invetible [sic] "why did you..." question that comes from my partner. I looked her straight in the face and said "I have no answer that will satisfy you". After she stopped laughing she had almost forgotten why I was getting shit upon.
08.22.04 CONTINUING EDUCATION
mike had a farewell bbq last night; he's leaving to teach in japan for a year. his lovely friends ludmila and jeremy were there, and i met new lovlies, fiona and adam. adam proved to be a fount of information and insight into the male psyche:
adam: if a guy is quiet, the girl will assume that he's actually dark and tortured. this makes her want his hot, poetic body.and have you heard of the sexual, er, practices: "cleveland steamer (variation: "hot carl"), "dirty sanchez" (variation: "dirty führer"), "donkey punch", or "slippery steamboat"? neither did i until last night. my personal favourite? "tobey maguire". GO WEB GO!
08.10.04 O ME OF LITTLE FAITH
our office got two pervy calls in which a couple was going at it. we were all joking and theorising about it when my manager suggested it was a spurned lover trying to make her jealous.
and then that put this thought into my head: that kevin is having side-action, and that The Side-Action is calling me whilst said side-action is going on in order to: 1. inform me of aforementioned side-action, 2. smugly flaunt her superior desireability, and 3. sabotage our relationship.
of course, this is just my imagination rum amok; i know i can trust kevin. it's also a lot of trouble and effort for The Side-Action to effect such ploys and machinations. and i'm not even on the switchboard!
08.09.04 WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND
i am now gainfully employed as an admin assistant. it's the start of my 3rd week and already i don't enjoy it. i spend an inordinate amount of time whining and griping to poor kevin and tif, both of whom have to hear about How Much I Don't Like My Job.
on the upside, there's a paycheque attached to these hours spent in a flourescent-lit room. to those of you to whom i owe money, i will no longer cower and cringe when i see your name on the call display.
and this made me smile. wwjd? have a hip, happenin' dude as the head of his fan club. Aaa-men!
07.23.04 I'M AFLOAT IN A SUMMER PARADE
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last night, kevin and i went to see the weakerthans at the mod club. it was excellent; a good, solid 1.5 hours of great music. they're very good live. they played, with the exception of 'a new name for everything', every song i wanted to hear: 'anchorless', 'reconstruction site', 'my favourite chords'. it was fantastic. this band is one of the reasons why kevin and i fell in love.
the only crinkle: at my suggestion, we waited until after the show to get t-shirts, by which point they were all sold out. platypus puppet shopping theorem, qed. |
07.21.04 SPECIAL K
kevin is the most charming man. i once idly remarked that i'd like one of the free pedometers that come in boxes of cereal. one box of cereal and one week later, kevin presents me with my very own kellogg's pedometer. special -K indeed!
he also makes the long commute to see me when i've been crying all night, lets me embarass him by dressing up in my clothes in an effort to cheer me up, and tells me my skirt has shrunk when it won't zip up.
in other news, i got a job. admin assistant, 2 intersections south of home, 28k. not the most exciting, but it's something i wished for: a paying day job that lets me pursue other interests. my first paycheque, other than paying for the car i hit and paying off the enormous visa bill that has ontario's economy on edge, is to take kevin out for dinner because i've lazed about the past 7 months and he hasn't said one single syllable about it.
07.12.04 ARGH
talking to my mother can sometimes be the most stressful event in my day. once in a while, though, we'll have a really good conversation where we connect and communicate. alas, that was not the case today.
07.07.04 IS THAT A LIGHT SABER IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?
i went out for coffee with pet and mark. i decidedly like mark and hope that pet keeps him.
me: you think they'll ruin the next 'star wars' the way they did 'the matrix' with an amidala-anakin love scene? because i did NOT need to see trinity and neo having sex.
mark: if they do, it'll be at the beginning of the movie. the movie is more about the clone wars and anakin's turning into darth vader.
me: darth vader probably came about as amidala's little role-playing fantasy. (high pitched voice) oh, ani, won't you try on this cape?
mark: ha! (darth voice) who's your father?