can’t find DiSCO [another of my journals]. tried to kill myself tonight. sliced through the skin & then chickened out. first with the green swiss army knife - no luck. then the big chopping knife - pretty good, but too heavy & stinging. red army knife - made it bigger ... called hetti when i realized i’m fucking messed up.it was written on Tuesday, april 23, 1996. i’d include a picture of my scars but they’re underneath my permanent bracelet (it’s made out of rope used for climbing; hang a weight from it and my wrist would break before the bracelet) which has worn it down. it’s about an inch wide and two or three lengthwise. i hope to accomplish nothing through this revelation. i merely want to indulge myself and show all of you that i’m not that different after all.no one sees me or hears me i’m not paul i’m not anyone but jess don’t you fucking understand?