The Psychology of Dating

The Use of Persuasion in Social Situations: The First Date Persuasion is a great way to get your way. When it comes down to it, that is all persuasion is. It is a set of tactics aimed towards getting what you want. Persuasion is utilized daily in a heuristical (rule of thumb) fashion: we beg, whine, cajole, and bargain for better grades, more food, longer sleep time, and many other things. We use the persuasion heuristic fairly often; like most heuristics, we use it so much that we don't even notice. One of the situations in which this particular heuristic kicks in is the first date (note: for the sake of simplicity, the scenarios contained herein will be in the framework of a man taking out a woman, though the principles apply both ways). One of the primary aims of a first date in a relationship is to entice the other person to want to do it again. As a result, we subconsciously apply persuasion techniques through two different routes. The central route is most obvious in its implementation, whereas the peripheral route is quieter and usually less noticeable. The central route joins systematic arguments to stimulate a favorable way of thinking. This is the most visible route because it deals with interacting with an analytical and motivated audience (Myers 1994). The woman being taken out is the audience. She is skeptical about him because it is their first date, and she doesn't know much about him. However, she is motivated to learn about him so that a relationship may develop. When confronted with this scenario, the central persuasion route kicks in. A logical set of arguments are presented affirming enjoyment, and then the audience is persuaded to do something in the future. Statements such as "this was fun" "good dinner" "good movie" point towards an enjoyable time. They add up and point towards questions like "would you like to do something next week?" "Would you like to come in for coffee?" along with statements like "call me tomorrow" and "Let's do something again next weekend". This brings up rhetorical questioning. Rhetorical questions can be very important when dating. Questions such as "Did you have fun? Fun is good, right? Wouldn't you like to have fun more often?" are good examples. They may not be the smoothest lines in the book, but they do exemplify good tactics for posing questions that inevitably must be answered in a light that favors your perspective. An alternate manner in which the central route can be applied is through her friends. Credibility is a key factor in this type of persuasion, especially because it utilizes the central route. Credibility depends on the communicators being confidently knowledgeable and trustworthy. Since she would perceive her friends to be confidently knowledgeable in knowing her "type" and since she would presumably trust her friends, her friends could be considered credible sources. In addition, the repetition of having multiple people talk to her would reinforce the message better than one alone. A credible source presenting a persuasive argument can make the audience shift her mind towards the source's view. Later, the suggestion will remain in the audience's mind as a good idea, without the connection to the credible source. This is known as the sleeper effect. The net result is her friends telling her you're a swell guy, and a few weeks later she thinks that you're a swell guy, and figures that she either made that decision independently, or that her friends knew what they were talking about. Attractiveness is also useful in dating, obviously. However, the attractiveness referred to here is merely the attractiveness of someone similar to the audience. As a result, people tend to converse (at first) about their commonalties or shared experiences when they first begin interacting with one another. The central route isn't the only path available however; the peripheral route is used extensively. The peripheral route is implemented when the audience is not analytical or involved (Myers 1994). This isn't to say that it is used only when the young lady has become bored; on the contrary, it can be used with anything on which the young lady isn't currently focused. There are several ways in which the peripheral route can operate. An obvious application, especially in dating, is attractiveness in regards to physical attributes. When a person is physically attractive and the person they are courting is focusing on their words, their attractiveness speaks to the other person's brain, causing them to be more affirmative and responsive. Likewise, clothing is something that most people do not concentrate upon but notice in the back of their mind. This is obvious in a dating situation. If a young man wore a lime green leisure suit when he took a young lady to the opera, he most likely would not see her again. Whether someone is dealing with the central or peripheral route, good feelings are obviously a plus when interacting with someone. Nobody likes to go out to have a good time, and end up spending the night with an exceptionally moody individual. A cheery disposition can not only cheer up those in a bad mood, but also make others more willing to go along with what you have to say. The effect of arousing fear might be thought at first glance to be an absurd proposition when discussing dating. In actuality, "arousing fear" can just be casting an alternative to the argument as unappealing, and has the potential to be a useful tool when used subtly. One obviously cannot make blatant statements like "I am horrified that I will die alone" out of nowhere. Instead, subtle statements such as "I much prefer having someone there for me" and "I like seeing you-- It's always nice to be out with someone rather than spending the night watching TV." Imply that the current activity is favorable, and that the substitute (having no one there for you, watching TV by yourself) is bad. It also implies that the alternate situation is the only other option. This may not necessarily be the case, but most people will not pick up on the undertone of the phrase. In general, we use the persuasion heuristic often; it is too useful to not use it. With knowledge of how it works, dating becomes much easier and pick up lines become more powerful. If knowledge of the persuasion heuristic is intensely studied, a person can become a pick-up wizard, unless he or she is ugly as death. Heck, this paper could be entitled "How to Become a Chick Magnet", except 1) we have to be politically correct, and 2) this paper applies to both sexes. A skilled person can follow the guidelines supplied in this paper and start a relationship: He talks four of a young lady's friends into suggesting that he's a great guy to date. The guy asks her out, using the rhetorical "what've you got to lose?" They go out, he wears studly clothes and gets a spiffy haircut and talks about everything she loves (he knows this because he has spied on her). He is cheerful and upbeat, and tells her what a good time it was, how delicious the dinner was, how good the movie was, and how nice it was to not be alone watching TV. She agrees, and he then asks her if she'd enjoy doing something the next weekend. Since he provided such well founded evidence, she finds it hard to resist; and so begins a wonderful relationship. References Myers, David G. (1994). EXPLORING SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY. New York: McGraw-Hill.