PUGSLEY AND ME
or A GIRL AND HER MONITOR
I am the proud owner of a Varanus rudicollis, better known as a black rough-neck monitor. I have owned this monitor for about 4 months now. I am learning a lot about the care of my lizard. I have learned that he likes his water container cleaned every day along with his aquarium cage. The water should be warm, as warm as bathwater, the kind of warmth that would make you say "Ahhhhh" as you lowered yourself into the bathtub. I learned it is better to line the cage with paper bags then with newspaper. This is because my monitor likes to sit in the bathtub with about 3 inches of warm water, and if his cage has been lined with newspaper he has newsprint on him and this leaves a nasty bathtub ring. Since he is a rough-neck monitor he likes to climb. This causes many things in the apartment to get knocked over. Like the CD tower. The ironing board. The bookshelves. He also has a thing for lying on the surge protector. He likes to crawl on my CD box that I keep on the floor. He also likes to crawl on my weights and relieve himself on them (thankfully he as not relieved himself on my CD collection). He likes to eat canned chicken, canned turkey, Reward dog food -- the sliced beef with gravy (drain the gravy or else you have to try and wipe his snout off), the occasional Slim Jim, and of course fuzzies and pinkies (do not hand feed, you are only asking for trouble), and Steak-ums. Also, when Pugs hisses like a freight train expelling steam (and just as loud) DO NOT TOUCH HIM. Well, so much for the technical stuff, this book is about my relationship with Pugsley the monitor.
When I first got Pugs I was a bit afraid of him, I had no idea how he would react to me. My boyfriend had bought Pugs for me, so my first meeting with him was when I came home from work, opened the front door and almost stepped on Pugs. He was "stomping" around the apartment on his chubby bowed legs like some sort of demented Popeye. From that moment I realized that I loved him. We had trouble coming up with a name for Pugs, neither one of us could agree on a name. After several hours of the great name debate, Erik put Pugs into his tank for the night, when I saw the faint stripes on Pugs' back leg I immediately was reminded of Pugsley and his striped shirt (Pugsley from the Addam's family). So I said "let's call him Pugsley, we even got him on a Wednesday." So he became Pugsley.
We have a rather unusual relationship, Pugs and me. He is a very easy going monitor. When I let him loose in the apartment he does not mind it when I step around him or when I step over him. He apparently has the "hots" for me. He exposes his hemipenes (they had to be explained to me -- WHAT IS THAT STICKING OUT OF PUGS?? YOU MEAN HE HAS TWO!!! COOL!!!) and rubs them on the rug where my chair is by the computer. In fact, one time when my boyfriend came home from work and hugged and kissed me Pugsley crawled between us and started twining himself around my legs as if to say "the woman is mine."
He even responds somewhat to his name, and he sure as heck knows when he is doing something he is not supposed to do. Because if he hears me coming he runs from the mischief he was about to get into. Like when he tries to go under the folding door that leads into the room with the washer and dryer. He has gotten stuck under this door several times; he has also caused the door to fall down. This was a very scary experience for me, as I thought Pugs had severely injured himself. He was fine, in fact if he could talk I have no doubt that he would say "that was cool, let's do it again."
Pugs seems to have some sort of orgasmic experience when he rubs his face on the glass patio doors. At least I am assuming it is some sort of experience since he will do it for hours on end unless I physically remove him from the glass. I can only do this when I am not wearing sandals or if I am not bare-foot. If he has a chance to reach my toes he will "bonk" his snout on my feet to let me know to move away from HIS glass. When the weather is hot we take Pugs outside. He becomes very fascinated with 'something' he has found in the grass. If I say to Pugs "What is that! Show me!" he will start to shove the grass aside even faster to expose his discovery to me. Then he will start to amble along and freeze into the pointer position, tail out--snout pointed--left foot raised and curled up towards his body, just like a hunting dog going into point to show the quarry to the hunter. Then when he is sure that he has Erik and I lulled into thinking that he is only going to shamble along--he makes a break for the trees and we have to run after him.
He is also is a connoisseur of music. Whenever I play music he stands at attention until the music stops. If he is out of his cage he will run and hide under it. The only music that he seems to like is Crystal Method, when I played that he went and stood right in front of the woofer. Go figure, since he seems to have very sensitive hearing it seems rather odd to me that he would like music that has a thumping beat, yet not like any of my quieter music.
I was under the impression that my black rough-neck would somehow protect me if there was an intruder in the house. Needless to say I was very suprised when Pugsley was watching the young boy from next-door in his (Pugs) watchful and alert stance. He started backing up and then RAN to where I was sitting, circling the table and running under his tank to safety.
Later, I was running the water in the bathtub for Pugsley. As I was bent over the tub I felt him climbing my leg. Pugs then climbed onto my back, on my head and tried to belly-flop into the tub. I love you also Pugs, but claws in my head are not my idea of showing affection. The next day Pugs climbed up my leg again, onto my back--then my head. He tried to reach the bathroom sink while he was on my back but he almost fell. I bent my arm backwards to catch him, leaned down to the floor and let him plop onto the rug. It seems that whenever he has had a scare he wants to climb on me. Guess it is the old "let's run to mommy for protection" routine. He has done this several times to me, and I like the affection this shows but not the claw scrapes on my butt and head.
Pugs has started climbing on me again. He will climb up my leg so I can hold him; he has become rather affectionate towards me. I also can provide him with some interesting claw holds. some of which can make me yell very loudly. Since we are in the process of moving, I have not let Pugs out of his tank as often as I normally do. So when I do let him out he wants to be by me, also my boyfriend has been home and Pugs seems to be jealous, remember his feelings toward me (the woman is mine). His show of affection is touching is more ways than one. I am sure that Pugs will be pleasantly suprised when we move and he discovers that he will have his own room. He will have a place to climb, more lights to keep him warm, also he will have his dishpan full of water. His room will be on the second floor, so seeing his reaction to stairs will provide some amusement.
We have moved and Pugs reaction to the move has not provided any amusement. He is darn scared. In fact he has not moved his bowels in 4 days. Guess he is scared shitless. He has not been in his new room except to lie on the floor vent for the heat. After he does that he goes and hides in the closet and will not come out. We managed to get him out and he is staying in his tank, that is his home and he feels comfortable there.
Pugs has moved his bowels a little bit. It was just enough for him to step in and leave little Pugsley poop prints all over the new rug, floor, and the wall. Needless to say I feel mixed emotions about the situation. He has started to walk around his room. he even has started climbing in and out of the bathtub on his own. Pugs walked part way down the stairs--decided it was easier to go up than down so he went back up the stairs. He is still having great difficulty moving his bowels but he is starting to be more active and aware of his surroundings as opposed to being legarthic. I hope to have my "old" Pugs back soon.
Guess the stress of moving has caused Pugs to become constipated again. He strained so hard that part of his rectum was sticking out. Luckily that part of the rectum went back in, even so we took Pugs to the vet. When we got him to come out of this cage he decided it was great of fun to climb back and forth between the two of us. This amused the vet no end. I gave her a sample of the slight bowel movement that Pugs had and she discovered that Pugs has worms. I had to bring him back to the vet so he could be weighed so the correct dosage to medicine could be administered to him. He again would not come out of his carrier. When he did come out he decided that climbing on me was great fun. He climbed on my back and I could not reach him. Then when I tried to put him back in his carrier it turned into a comedy of errors. Every time I got the front part of him in the carrier and was trying to get his back end in, the front end of Pugs would come out of the carrier and start climbing on my arm. Embedding his claws firmly in my flesh, in this way insuring that I could not get his whole body in the carrier at the same time. All the time there appeared to be a silly grin on his face. Don't ask me how he managed to grin but he did.
The vet weighed Pugsley and was able to give me the correct dosage of medicine for him. I took the med. and Pugs to the pet store and bought a mouse to stuff the medicine into so it could be given to Pugs. Erik and I pumped the medicine into the mouse, ran out of room and had to inject the rest of the med. into the mouse's stomach (the mouse was dead all this time). We fed the mouse to Pugs and he gobbled it up, then proceeded to puke it up several hours later. I was very concerned about Pugs but he acted fine. In fact he climbed out of his tank and started to squeeze himself between the tank and the wall, all the time looking at me as if to say "Look what I can do, and if I get stuck mommy will rescue me, so I do not have anything to be concerned with."
Pugs still has difficulty going to the bathroom. He strains and consequently his rectum comes out also some blood. The vet told me to give him an enema with mineral oil--what a joke that was. Erik tried to put in the mineral oil while I got to hold the end that bites. Boy am I glad Pugs is mild mannered. Since that did not work the vet said to give him some mineral oil on his food. I did that, Pugs would only eat it while lying in his water dish and I had to hold the container with the food and mineral oil. Now mineral oil has no taste or smell, but Pugs managed to know that it was there. He ate the food but with a look on his face as if to say--OK I am eating it I am aware of what you are doing but I will indulge you. I realized that he has not been drinking any water so I called the vet again, she said I could put Pedialyte in his water dish and let him soak in that. I did that and he is in his water dish with as much of him as possible sticking out of the water--Pedialyte has no smell or taste but he knows it is there. Go figure.
Between the time I fed him the mineral oil food and put Pedialyte in his water dish I tied cardboard on the gate we have set up in the doorway so he cannot get out of his room. When he gets out he likes to hide under the bookcase. The last time he got out I stood and blocked is way under the bookcase, so he then tried to get under from the other side. I could not stand there so I blocked his way with my hand. Pugs tried to shove my hand away, he also tried to dig his way under to bookcase--but he did not scratch my hand, he clawed at the carpet by my hand. Pugs is my gentle 'giant'. So that brings me back to trying to create a Pugsley-proof gate. While I was adding more cardboard so he cannot climb or stick his head between the plastic webbing on the gate Pugs was watching what I was doing, I kept thinking of that scene in the movie "The Great Escape" where Steve McQueen tosses his baseball by the fence to see how close he could get to the fence before the Nazi guards shot at him. Somehow I feel that Pugs is checking to see if I missed any possible escape routes he can make use of.
On Thanksgiving, Pugs had his rectum come out again. So it was a call to the vet, sorry to disturb you but...Well I had to bring Pugs in for surgery again. This time he got staples. When I brought him back for the staple removal 4 days later he was none too pleased to get in his carrier and go to the vet. When the staples were removed he was thrashing around and I thought he was gonna bite the vet. But he is a gentleman, when all was said and done he climbed into my arms and hide his face against my neck. My poor monitor was so scared.
Oh, yes and in-between all this Pugs managed to climb the child gate that I so carefully covered with card board just so he could not climb it. I tell you, sometimes when I let him loose it is like having a mini Godzilla on the loose, and the apartment his Tokyo to be destroyed. Had to stop writing for a bit, the gate was almost trashed and I had to fix it. When Pugsley realized he could not climb it he tried to dig his way under the gate. He is very persistent. Now he went and climbed into his water pan like he has not been doing anything destructive. He is trying to look innocent.
I am going to try and make the child gate more Pugsley-proof. Pugs is back looking innocent in his water again, but I know that will not last long. See, he has started climbing around again, climbing on me and on everything else he can get his claws into. When I sit on the floor he climbs all over me, he keeps this up for quite some time. And when I am feeling sad he clings to me and nuzzles my face and neck.
He does not climb on the cat condo I bought him, but if I put him on the highest ledge he folds his front legs back and tries to nose dive off, like he thinks he is Mark Spitts going for the gold. He is quite aware that I will catch him and not let him fall face first from a great height. For a climbing monitor his sense of height is pretty bad. But then he knows that "mommy" will catch him and not let him come to harm.
Pugs has found a new hiding place, actually he found two. He likes to go behind the snake cage, where I have to move the large cage to get Pugs out from behind it. He also likes to squeeze himself behind the bed and the wall. He went behind the head of the bed while I was trying to take a nap. It was a VERY tight fit for him, but he tried and succeeded even thought he had to keep shoving the bed to squish himself in. He had his head sticking up from behind the bed and I told him "well, you went there now you can get yourself out". But of course he could not and he kinda grinned and kept sticking his tongue out as if to say that mommy will rescue me, I have nothing to worry about. OK, so I moved the bed to dislodge him. He clung to me and then walked around the room and climbed behind the length of the bed and the wall. There was more room for him so I let him stay there for several hours. Then I moved the bed again and he was really cold so I put him in his heated water to warm up.
But, alas I will not be able to write about the antics of Pugsley and me for very much longer. You see I have to leave and I cannot take Pugs with me. I am leaving him in the care of the guy I am living with, and if he cannot take care of him then he will find Pugs a good home. I am gonna miss Pugsley so much, maybe someday I will be able to get him back.
ps this story was written about 10 months ago, so I have not seen Pugs for quite a while and I will never see him again.
This is a little story I whipped up.
The Face of American Values
Thank you Thing. A pinch more sulfur mamma. Fester old chap are you feeling all right. Lurch, would you please get the door. Shall we retire to the playroom for a bit of fun and relaxation? Lurch my dear fellow, how about a bit of music - and Lurch sits and begins to play the harpsichord, the mellow sounds bringing a smile to everyone’s face as they dance and sway gently to his playing. Yes, these are only some of the words of politeness that you encounter in the Addams family. The Addams family are the true embodiment of the American family. They are polite, courteous, giving, honorable, open minded, and a bit different. All of which is what makes up America. Their courteousness extends to those outside of their family, where they are also known for their giving and generous nature. When they see someone in need of assistance they are ready to volunteer their time and money. But at the same time they are not ones to let themselves be taken advantage of. Yes, the Addams family uphold the American spirit of being generous, giving, courteous, and having an open-minded attitude toward others. They realize others differences and are will to accept a person as they are, they look at the inner being and not just simply visible appearances. Watching the Addams simply from the outside they are rather different than the norm. But then, that is what the point of America is. To be able to be different and at the same time to uphold the everyday person’s view of politeness. So, yes I would have to say that the Addams family is the epitome of American values.
