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Don't ever, ever let anybody tell you that this isn't the greatest country on Earth. Only in America could a whiny, short, scrawny, white guy, a couple hours screen time and a constipated dog his only resources, win the heart of a statuesque European goddess. Okay, it's happened in a couple Roberto Benigni movies too, but that's not the point. Which is, noplace besides Hollywood could David Spade get Sophie Marceau.
In Lost & Found, the latest "SNL" alum-fest, Spade plays Dylan Ramsey, a struggling restaurateur just ending is latest self-defeating romance when gorgeous French cellist Lila Dubois (Marceau) moves in next door. She's fleeing her rich eurotrash ex-fiancé (French household industry Patrick Bruel), her dog keeps fleeing her, Dylan chases Lila by kidnapping her dog, during which time the dog swallows a diamond Dylan is keeping for his long-suffering business partner, while the restaurant is about to cater an affair that could help secure a crucial bank loan, etc., etc. Cameos by Martin Sheen, "Seinfeld's" Estelle Harris, Rose Marie (?!), and Jon Lovitz as a "dog whisperer" do little to help this sorry effort by director Jeff Pollack (Booty Call), which also features Artie Lang (Norm Macdonald's second banana in Dirty Work), and was co-written by Spade and a couple friends whose only qualification is that they're David Spade's friends. I did crack a half-smile once or twice, especially at a doggie hallucination brought on by letting the terrier eat a box of Froot Loops, but that bit goes way past "okay, I get it, 'Puppy Haze,' let's move on." Then there are all the doggie excrement jokes, and, worse, a horribly drawn-out Neil Diamond tribute that suffers from not being drug-induced.
In fact, the way things drag on, after getting out of Lost & Found I looked at my watch and couldn't believe it was only two hours later, not two hours later the next day. D
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