March 3, 1997
Revolving thougts.
Desire.
Missing.
A final attempt. Confrontation.
I did it. So nervious the corners were massacred from nervous chew.
Scribble down my green non-sense words, hardly making a point.

I scuttled into the land of numbers, threw it at you
and i ran..' you've got me running, as fast as i can '
In wonderment i watched her. Think black lips full of gloss. I watched you.
You smiled at me, and said a word.
I felt lost. In mutual fear you handed me a flat piece with soft grey writing.
Soaking it in the car i wept. I wept for what we lost, for the stupid reasons that we lost it.

For the fact that we both want to come back.

March 4, 1997
i wrote you back in loopy circles
freying white splashed with green.
I threw it into your hands, on your way
to meet with her.
I affectionatley call her
whore.

She wants to be dark
and black
but shes not.
Shes..Hot Topic.
It's a brand new velvet dress.

you didn't write me back,
so i panic.
and i miss him
already.

March 5, 1997

In five different emotions i am pulled.
Lost ...and longing is a predominant one.

He writes nothing, yet gives me that
look of normalness. Its okay. Laugh
at my joke. Dark one,
i still call her whore.

Missing
of one i cant have
because of this thing
or lack of..my friend

Apprehension
It's hard to hide in the shadows
Of little art cafe's
with the center being you

and i leave this..seed.
unplanted, not yet grown. Unfinished scrawl...
_____

(im having a hard time writing on this subject :( i dont like how its coming out)

March 6, 1997
the whisper
wont leave my head
Keats demands my attention..
but
i see your scrunced up face
and i can hear our tears..
...we're little girls again.
______________

Tonight
we wrung our hands in fear
We sought after unspeakable words
I put us in the closet
with my toys
and played with makeup, while you sang
to the dirty man down the street

tonight, i opened up
my closet and let it all fall out
while you broke the stings on your guitar

And we stared
and we cried
and..we sort of tried.
in the middle of all the paint

Now its cold
and i brought my pillows..
..and here is my frog
She says "i'll bring the blankettes"
maybe.
if we try

March 9, 1997
I've long forgotten who i am
Spider-WOman
Crawling up the walls
unsure,
stick to them.
Helping or hindering
All hail me.
________

Floating above reality
in a haze of denial
of who i am
of what ive chosen
of what im thinking..

of who they are
and what i should be
and why i edited this
and why its differnt

and why it changes
and why it doesnt
and when it does
why it hurts

push on
the un-think
ing
button
dont break my glass
house
around
my
self.
maybe.
_______

Mood swings are a funny thing.
I was fine. I sat in my little twink
and i was content
and somewhat happy

i hit home with sinking despair
an overwhelming urge to cry
and then you reliaze..
you have no one to turn to.

its an awful feeling.
im never right
theyre never perfect
sometimes missing

its tearing me apart
inside the seams are bursting
when will i get my cuddle
i just want someone

to hold to me
real tight
and breathe in.
now were through

thought we both
could use a friend
to run
to.

not away from.
i miss the heat.
the aprehension
the spoons.
_____

im trying not to move
towards the train track owner
red nose
full of powder
i long for it
i desire it

even though ive never had it
its like an unforseen eating binge
crunch chew chew..and the cycle
continues. Until you've passed out

which is fine.
you're not thinking.
Dylan McKay
To be as tragic as that.

It's understood there.
The TV can show it all.
But me.
Whats it now.

Tomorrow i will wake up
like i have done for nearly eighteen years.
id like to forget how to do that one of these days
and ill feel fine

Im sure shes watching that star
Im always ..just..watching.. that..star..

March 10, 1997
When we fell the water transformed
into ballroom dancers
and in my dream you held a gun
while i had a chat
with the sun
i lost my innocence
that day
_______
we died when my life began
maybe the winter just got..too cold
Its not my fault.

in the dark we suffocated our spark
we fumbled into the dark
and stumbled back into the light

we both woke up
with your christmas charm
Now, come.
_____________
ill come into you
if you want me to
___________
through the looking glass
i see your face
always wearing the satisfied grin
Then, when is it..
that when you look at me
the beautiful lines in your face
twist in pain
Come crash into me
I need you to.

March 10th 1997
This is my first 'poem' with a TITLE! woohoo! go me!
On Campus
I
Walking up the hill
i let my arms fly free
Free...
i can feel the wind-nothings restricting me.
Its four in the morning, how about a coke?
Bundled up, lets go.

We're leaving-to over there.
Im not sure when we'll be back.
I guess that we'll see you then
My hair is wet.
Its twenty some odd degrees
i forgot my jacket
Oh well, hurry up!!
Lets go.
At least..there's no snow

II
We stood in the cold
we talked to keep warm
laughter wasnt a scarcity
we stood there for hours
we felt our toes..cold..
..and then, we came home.
i've spent hours alone
i depended on small sticky squares attatched
to bigger words
and you..were there
.
march 18, 1997
So where do we go from here?
You know you're beautiful.
But, i dont think i like you anymore.
You. Inside. The bright contrast.

You can't say i didn't try.
You know, i still love you
And theres no one else i want to be close to
but, aint it time we said goodbye...
_________

March 27, 1997

Masked Rage
take me away
Fly far far away

Submerged in water
feel the words..i fly
out of body, far above numbness

Silence my freedom
glide through water
and release me..
______

March 27
isolated
the phone has been disconnected
forgotten
i fear
we soon forget the things we cannot see
mis-communication
leave me standing here
but we're all the same in the end