The truth is something that everyone in in search of, so tonight we decided to bring to you the scary true stories that are taken lightly.  Sometimes, we think, too lightly.

    In the city of Stockbridge, Massachusetts Erving Wastle, janitor about town, has just given birth to a bouncing baby two headed chimpanzee with wings.  Local scientists claim that they really don't care because they are busy studying the mating habits of the six legged hippopotamus, but they believe that this incident may be connected with several banana burglaries.  Police warn local citizens to lock up all bananas that they may have in their pantries.  When asked about this questionable birth all Erving had to say was "right, and monkeys might fly out my butt."

    Wyona Reddle, R.N., has just gone public with her claim of seeing the image of Christ in a stool sample taken from famous TV evangelist Jerry Fartwell.  She instantly got down on her knees and saw the light, she said.  Also, she said that the image of her savior told her that he has just installed a new commandment"  "Thou shalt not eat fiber on the Sabbath."  When Rev. Fartwell was asked for comment, he said that he was just glad that he let the good Lord into his soul, and hopes to continue following the way of the Lord.  But frankly, we think he's full of shit.

    The worlds strongest government agency, the office of U.S. Presidency, was brought to question when Banjo the Juggling Parrot claimed he was a witness to secret meetings between the President and his staff with large Xenomorphic alien type beasties who have enslaved his will and are currently attempting to take over the world.  The President and Senior Staff Advisors were not available for comment, but a famous TV talk show host was quoted as saying "see, I told you so.  It's these liberal Avians that are ruining this country."

    Rush Limbaugh, famous TV talk show host, nearly choked on his own tongue due to over inflation of his ego.  Luckily there were enough Liberal Commie Pinko Faggots around to administer CPR until help could arrive in the form of vise grips and several political lobbyists to tell him how great he is.  Mr. Limbaugh has been reported to be in stable, if not annoying, condition.

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    SW Psychic, knows where you live and will be there tonight at 7:00 p.m.  Be ready.

    41 year old Martha Tremble of Flea Speck, Nebraska, was found frozen in her kitchen Saturday morning surrounded by ten empty containers of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Neighbor Earl Woodeye found the body when he stopped by for his weekly shank.  Local Deputy Sheriff Biff Clod said it was an unprecedented suicide, although no note was found.  The body was not reported until after the football game.  When asked why he waited to report the incident, Earl was quoted as saying, "we were all out of ice and we needed to keep the beer cold somehow."

    Yeah right.  As if anyone would believe this load of crap.

    The truth is a very strange creature.  Truth is a very subjective term.  The truth is nothing more than man's creative ability to believe outlandish nonsense without the benefit of common sense.  Truth is all about sense, or lack of the aforementioned.  Do you believe in Santa Claus?  The Easter Bunny?  God, the Green Lantern, President Clinton?  Was there ever really an Elvis, or was he just a figment of our collective imaginations?  Or was he really an alien from the planet Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love?  You want the truth?  Well, it all depends on how you choose to perceive it.  I'm not sure where I got hold of this idea, but I think I read it somewhere.  I can't remember if it was the Enquirer or Weekly World News, but hey, if you read it somewhere, then it's gotta be true, right?