What the fuck is good taste?  Is it in good taste to tell Joe his hair looks like shit, or is there a thin line between good taste and honesty?  Does good taste negate honesty?  Is that the concept?  What all is considered bad taste?  According to a trivia paper the life expectancy of a taste bud is ten days and you have only a limited supply of them.  How long until you can't tell good taste from bad?  Honesty is in good taste as long as you don't have to eat it.  Crow, that is.  Showering with your pregnant Cocker Spaniel while singing I Feel Pretty might be fun, but is it in good taste?  Now let's add a little twist to this scenario.  Showering with your pregnant dog, singing I Feel Pretty, and filming it.  Sick?  Maybe.  Bad taste?  I don't think so.  Now, to shower with your pregnant Cocker Spaniel while singing I Feel Pretty, film it, and show it to your relatives with heart conditions might seem a bit eccentric, but not necessarily in bad taste.  My definition of bad taste is watching a 42 hour Jerry Lewis film festival, non-stop, and then showering with your pregnant pooch and telling the highlights of this near-religious experience to your relatives with heart conditions on film.  But that may be pushing the gauntlet.  "Surgical gloves for kinky sex:  Good taste or bad etiquette?" on the next Rikki Lake Show.
    Is it in bad taste to wear your sister's emerald green evening dress with ruby red flats?  Is it in bad taste to ask the priest of your church for a quickie in the confessional booth?  Is it in bad taste to jab someone in the eye with a spork, singing Innagodadavida and dancing an Irish jig with fuzzy bunny slippers on?  Of course not.  Or maybe it is.  Who do we turn to to get the goods on this whole taste thing?  Julia Childs?  Wolfgang Puck?  Plucky Duck and Buster Bunny?  How about the Animaniacs?  Or Zack the Lego-Maniac?  I think they should make Legos without any pegs.  Better yet, they should just make Lego pegs.  You know, something to give to small children that they'll choke on.  I wonder how they would taste?  Ever wonder what Julia Childs would taste like?  Or even better, Babs?  Especially if they were garnished with Legos.  Have you ever wondered why Trix are for kids, why Frosted Flakes have that flavor you've grown to love?  Does anyone care?  Ever wonder why when you really need to eat something the best thing you can find is something that comes in a microwavable tray?  Did you ever notice that I'm beginning to sound like Andy Rooney?

    This is page two.  There are many like it, but this one is mine and that makes it very special.  Are you impressed?  Great, next time I'll charge a cover.  Not cash, mind you, for I have no need for worthless monetary compensation.  I want something that will get me thrown in jail.  From what Joe tells me, prison was fun but he couldn't take the pressures of dating.  His roommate Bubba made Joe do all sorts of nasty things.  That's why you'll see Joe smokin' a cigar and getting misty every now and again, muttering words of love about a certain Mr. Bubba "The Jackhammer" Jacobs and being driven like a rivet.
    Is an Hieronymus Bosch print in good taste?  Compared to Dogs Playing Poker, certainly not.  So then it all depends on one's basis for comparison, doesn't it?  Weird Al Yankovic is in good taste when compared to Clint Black.  Robert Williams is in good taste when compared to Ruebens.  Madonna is in good taste when compared to...well maybe that's pushing the envelope a bit too far.  Prophylactics.  Isn't that a silly word?  Prophylactics.  It sounds more like a prescription drug than a rubber (with reservoir tip).  If ever the time comes when I'll get to have sex, I hope that I can find a condom shaped like a duck.  A big blue one.  Rubber ducky, you're the one, you make bath time lot's of fun, cause when it's time for me to scrub, you're the one I love.  Food without pain is like sex without taste.  You ever wonder how Elvis wiped his butt?  Was he right or left handed?  Was he a Charmin kind of individual, or did he go for the quicker picker upper?  If you recall, Elvis' corpse was apparently found on the can, so I think his choice of toilet paper is an important factor in the death of the King.  Why haven't the toilet paper companies picked up on this yet?  Wouldn't the brand Elvis used want to advertise?  Perhaps even rename themselves The King's Choice.  And why hasn't Oliver Stone picked up on this yet?  There's got to be a conspiracy in there somewhere.
    Come with us as we take you through the flashback sequence.  Watch as we examine the events as the really happened.

    Exhibit A:  Aug 16, 1977, 8:00 a.m.
        Elvis wakes up and goes to the can.
    Exhibit B:  Aug 16, 1977, 9:00 a.m.
        Elvis is still in the can (the King liked his fiber).
    Exhibit C:  Aug 16, 1977, 2:15 p.m.
        Elvis is found, dead.

    Need we say more?  First of all the key piece of evidence is missing.  Where is the King's stool sample?  It seems rather funny to us that the King, with his last dying breath, would flush the toilet.  Since this is highly unlikely and no stool sample has been brought before us, we decided that the stool sample in question either does not exist, or someone removed it from the scene before it could be recorded as evidence (weight, color, density.  All the pertinent information).
    This was probably in very bad taste, but I really don't care.  Elvis had an entire living room upholstered in yellow and black zebra striped Nauga Hyde.  This was a man who was obviously too rich to have good taste.  The man wore Dacron bell-bottomed jumpsuits with sequins and rhinestones.  Case closed.  End of story.
    Where does taste live?  In the heart?  In the mind?  In the tongue?  Speaking of tongue, I went into the supermarket just the other day looking for gefilte fish and you know what?  It ain't cheap any more.  They got it all priced like it's caviar or something.  Do you have any idea what comprises gefilte fish?  Carp and whitefish and every other junk fish you can imagine.  What's wrong with people today?  Eh, some people wouldn't know taste if it bit them on the ass.  What do you know from taste?