1/23/01



i bought a russian dwarf hamster. his name is nicolai. he looks like he's been genetically engineered for cute value. big black eyes with eyeliner, wolf-gray back with a black stripe down the middle, bunny-white tummy and furry little feet. he has bad eyesight so he can't really see me, but if i talk to him he runs to the front of the cage and crawls out onto my hand. he looks like a bon-bon or a bug. a cute bug, like a roly-poly.

(i always thought june bug would be a good band name, so i looked it up on amazon. did you know there's a rapper named Mr. June Bug? isn't that silly. maybe i will make June Bug a pseudonym, if i ever get published.)

i think i'm better at book arts than i am at writing. it's so depressing; this is my last year in my BA program and i've already applied to schools for MFA in poetry programs. but i think i'm better at book arts. if i can get a teaching assistantship, i can maybe get a book arts MFA afterward.

ephedra says i acted really differently when i was around ryan. happy. she didn't like it. (well i'm glad i'm never happy then. maybe she wouldn't be my friend.)

nicolai is sticking his face through the bars and staring at me. i think he wants to come out. i'd better go do that then.